Red Flag?
Okay, so here’s the deal. Yesterday I get this official warning on my phone, my watch and my email, all at once, like the world is coming to an end.
Look, I live on the Texas Gulf Coast, where this summer all that separates us from hell is a barbed wire fence and it’s down in a few places. We get two to three weather warnings a day so normally I’m not impressed by warnings, until …
What in tarnation is a “red flag warning?” I do not know, and I do consider myself to be an educated woman. I scored a 780 on the SAT verbal, dammit. I admit that was a long time ago but I remember most of the words and can still probably whip your butt at Scrabble. So don’t sass me about words.
And, while you’re at it, do not send me a warning without telling me what I should be scared of. That’s like sending me an official government text that says, “PANIC!” and that’s all.
My young friends tell me that there’s a comedian on the internet machine named Matt Rife who talks about red flags as indicators of people you are dating who have personality disorders. I am not currently dating and find it intrusive that the government thinks I am.
Okay, so there’s a link in this message. It takes you three full page scrolls on your phone to find out what a red flag warning is and by that time you probably would have died without even knowing why.
This is exactly what it says, ellipsis and all.
“A red flag warning means that critical fire weather conditions are either occurring now … or will shortly.”
Okay, so not only is that not the least bit instructional, two days before this red flag crap, I got this message from the same damn place:
I am told there is a blue flag warning that means a police officer is down.
So, I guess I’ll make a list:
Green flag warning: don’t eat the hamburger meat.
Yellow flag warning: larger than average sun today.
Lavender flag warning: People in drag at the library.
Orange flag warning: Trump trial starts.
Free free to add to the list.
According to Fox snooze, the reason tropical storm Hilary is striking California and the west is because Joe Biden is president. That sort of fits here, I guess. Of course, listeners of that particular network will believe anything. Had trumpf been president, he could have taken care of Hilary with a sharpie.
1Keep close tabs on Fox snooze for the real truth about the red alert in your area. The explanation will be something like it’s a deep state conspiracy or Biden’s immigration policy, even though it’s a red alert.
Lol stay safe everyone!
In California we have some new code warnings also.
2Brown underwear flag warning: a 6.0 or bigger earthquake.
Well, having lived in parts of the country with heat warnings, wind warnings, and the combination thereof, I know that a red flag warning is the worst of the fire danger. Not to be taken lightly in hot dry Texas right now.
3So I am not sure if your red flag notice is better or worse than the potential of being advised the MAGA red hat army is marching toward my local library, school or health clinic!
Rattlesnake “Don’t Tread On Me “ flag?? Don’t use my driveway to turn around!!
4If it doesn’t have a phone number to call for more info (and not a link to click), I’d trash any such message as a scammer trying to load malware on my phone.
5Pink flag alert: Barbie is attacking the patriarchy.
6Cancel your bonfire.
7Does that make a mushroom cloud flag the definitive brown pants warning?
8Canada could have used multiple Red Flag warnings … they probably did!
9Maui & Lahaina weren’t given Red Flag warnings because the powers that be thought the folks would run towards the fire, rather then away!
If Texas has fields and heavily wooded areas that are dry and thirsty because of your 100+ temps and a hot dry wind blowin’ across the Plains … you had best heed the Red Flag warnings!
Here in Colorado, we know what they mean!!
Matt Rife is an awesome comedian and quite a chick magnet, if I’m still allowed to say that.
He does crowd work and lots of women are eager to engage with him. It goes downhill pretty quickly.
10Magenta flag: profound confusion warning, since nobody knows WTH “magenta” is.
Paisley flag: you’re out of weed, man.
Black flag: (1) you’ve got bug infestation, or (2) it’s too late, you’re already dead.
Thin blue line flag: fascist wannabe sighted.
[I’m secretly jealous someone got to the Gadsden Flag first]
11Plaid flag: dunno what the threat is, just afraid of everything.
12I’m waiting for a white flag from trumpf or even one of his co-conspirators. That would do wonders for our mental health.
13@Marcia in Colorado, #9
According to the report I read, officials didn’t activate the warning sirens, because they are usually used as a tsunami warning. With a tsunami, you’re SUPPOSED to run for the hills. That would have sent people toward the fire. No radio or TV warning or explanation could be given, because the power was out. Horrible as the death toll is, it might well have been worse. i think the official in charge–for all that he succumbed to the pressure to resign–actually did the right thing.
14So I had to go look up Matt Rife and found a funny video he did about escorts. I chose it because it was labeled “red flag”. He is a pretty cute guy and, yes, definitely funny.
You can’t say this beauty salon isn’t educational.
15Over in humid Houston and E TX, I would expect “Red Flag” weather warnings to be fairly rare.
However over here in S TX, they have always been common, and this year and in recent years, they have become extremely frequent. Wildfires are getting way too common, and are about the most dangerous of all WX threats, imo [I’ve watched some burn for weeks].
We’ve been under “red flag” warnings much of the last few months, with no rain for ~4-5 months, temperatures 100-115deg every day, and occasional strong winds.
The last few days we’re under BOTH red flag and impending tropical storm warnings, as now TS Harold approaches [a highly unusual WX combination].
Harold is kicking up the wind in a tinderbox dry environment, so unless we eke out a little rain from Harold, the high winds and possible lightning could result in some big wildfires.
But ‘climate crisis’ is just a big hoax, so WTF… [ /s ]
https://www.weather.gov/crp/
16Marcia @ 9 and Jean at 14 As a former Mauian, let me say, 1) the reporting by the National Parachute Press Corps has been crap; and 2) if the sirens had sounded, I would not have understood what was next.
Some years ago, my wife and I spent a week in Manzanita, Oregon. I was fascinated by the signs that declared the coast highway a tsunami evacuation route. However, there were no turnoffs to go inland.
Die on the move or die where you sit, I guess.
Oddly enough. while we wee in Manzanita, a tornado went up the main street. I think I recall a warning siren, but damned if it would have conveyed any information to me as as stranger.
Double that, and triple it for a tourist on Maui two weeks ago.
If you will indulge me, here’s a rant I posted on FB this morning:
I loathe parachute journalism. Of course, with a news event like the Lahaina fire, there is no getting around it. All the more reason for the parachutists to be careful, ask local advice, and check their damn sources.
The National Parachute Press Corps has done, overall, a crap job. There is not one I have encountered who I think has shown minimal competence. I will call out one. not because he is the worst, but because 1) he claims to be a specialist; and 2) even the lowest possible amount of reporting would have corrected his error.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Bill Weir of CNN, who did a standup Monday in which he framed the coming struggle over how to rebuild as a contest over water for “working class people” or “developers” and their golf courses.
Here’s the error: the potable water that working class people require cannot be used to irrigate golf courses. About 30 years ago, Water Director David Craddick decided that potable water could not be used for irrigating golf courses, and the Board of Water Supply made it a rule.
I know. I was there.
I reported that, over and over, although I am only too aware that the ignoranti on Maui did not read my reports.
17Checkered Flag Warning: Winner is coming.
18Transparent Flag Warning: Nothing is happening at all.
Gray Flag Warning: Raging octogenarians ahead.
Camo Flag Warning: Invisible hazards at every turn.
Surly Prof @11: Yeah, they know magenta now b/c it’s the “red” on the Microsoft color palette.
Fuchsia, though…
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