.

“You know,” began Juanita this afternoon while restocking the curler shelf, “I betcha that Republicans deeply regret the day they decided that Bill Clinton’s kabootalin’ life was everybody’s business.”

“And although John Edwards gave them a run for their money, they are leading the nasty boys race by twelve or sixteen laps.  In the kinky race, they are the clear and proud winners.”

“There’s another one.  In Wisconsin, a 50 year old Republican law-and-order prosecutor was sexting a 26 year old sex abuse victim.  That’s lower than a snake’s navel on a canyon floor.  Honey, he could wear a ten gallon hat and still walk under an armadillo,” she suspects.

A police report shows he repeatedly sent Stephanie Van Groll text messages in October 2009 trying to spark an affair.

“Are you the kind of girl that likes secret contact with an older married elected DA … the riskier the better?” Kratz, 50, wrote in one message. In another, he wrote: “I would not expect you to be the other woman. I would want you to be so hot and treat me so well that you’d be THE woman! R U that good?”

“He sent 30 messages like that.  Goodness sakes, maybe if he was using his hands in a very anti-Christine O’Donnell way instead of texting, he wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“But, he was kind enough to provide us with insight into the Republican male mind.”

Van Groll at first was polite, saying Kratz was “a nice person” and thanking him for praise. By the second day, she responded with answers such as “dono” or “no.” Kratz questioned whether her “low self-esteem” was to blame for the lack of interest.

“I’m serious! I’m the atty. I have the $350,000 house. I have the 6-figure career. You may be the tall, young, hot nymph, but I am the prize!” he texted.

“So, a nice house and money makes a really unfortunate looking man suddenly become a ‘prize?’  Ohmygosh, that explains why they don’t want to pay taxes.  That’s perfectly good hoochy money they’re spending!”