I’m fixing to tell you a story that leaks hypocrisy juice all over America’s doorstep if you squeeze it.

It starts with Teva Pharmaceuticals, an Israeli company that is the largest maker of generic drugs in the whole damn world.

Lookie here, right here in the good ole USA.

Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd. (Tea) and its wholly-owned Russian subsidiary, Teva LLC (Teva Russia), agreed to resolve criminal charges and to pay a criminal penalty of more than $283 million in connection with schemes involving the bribery of government officials in Russia, Ukraine and Mexico in violation of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA).

“Teva and its subsidiaries paid millions of dollars in bribes to government officials in various countries, and intentionally failed to implement a system of internal controls that would prevent bribery,” said Assistant Attorney General Caldwell. “Companies that compete fairly, ethically and honestly deserve a level playing field, and we will continue to prosecute those who undermine that goal.”

Oh yeah, rah-rah America.  We have laws against bribery.  You can’t bribe our lawmakers.

Well, unless you call it a “campaign contribution” or a “Super-PAC donation.”  Then you are in bribery heaven playing a harp with Captain Kidd and Blackbeard.

Take a look at $27,000 in those bribes donations from Teva in one month.  By the way, Alamo PAC is John Cornyn’s PAC.

It just hasn’t been a good month for Teva.  Earlier this month….

A wide-ranging investigation into generic drug prices took its most significant turn yet on Thursday, as state attorneys general accused two industry leaders, Teva Pharmaceuticals and Mylan, and four smaller companies of engaging in brazen price-fixing schemes — and promised that more charges were coming.

I’m not saying that only 20 states joined in because “campaign contributions” are expected to the other 30, but oh hell, I might as well say that.

And this wasn’t little drug price increases either.

One form of doxycycline, for example, went from an average market price of $20 for a bottle of 500 pills in October 2013 to an average market price of $1,849 in April 2014, according to a congressional report.

Oh Teva, we shall slap your wrist while taking a campaign contribution from your hand.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.