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As most of you know, Juanita is addicted to nut radio.  Not the political kind, but the ghost, Bilderberg conspiracy, UFO, Mayan calendar, fluoride in the water, you better stock up on duct tape kind of nut radio.

The latest is the horror of CFL light bulbs, which apparently are a giant plot brought on by The Illuminati and The New World Order to infiltrate our minds and make us forget our alien masters who are turning us into food for the creatures who live on the dark side of the moon, which kinda explains the whole McDonald’s milkshakes and super sized thing and why Pluto isn’t a planet.  Or something.

Right wing Republicans have been against  the CFL light bulbs from the start and have been stockpiling regular ole light bulbs so that they can have safe light when your brain is rotten from only having to replace light bulbs every five years instead of once a month.  There’s just gotta be something bad about light bulbs that won’t burn out for 5 years.  That just ain’t normal.

Real Bitches Don't Need Rights

Phyllis Schlafly, who generally limits her nut-o-mania to telling other women to sit down and shuddup so she can have all the attention, has taken out after CFL light bulbs, saying that they cause migraines and induce seizures.

In a column included in a Feb. 2 e-mail blast by the Texas Eagle Forum, the founder of the national Eagle Forum said: “CFL bulbs do not work well in colder temperatures, and most cannot handle dimmer switches; broken CFL bulbs allegedly cause migraines and epilepsy attacks.”

“Well, if that doesn’t cause you to use 20 times as much energy to see in the dark, it’s too late for you and you’re ready for your place on the salad plate of Mr. Moon Creature,” Juanita declares.

“And this is why I believe in conspiracies,” Juanita explains.    “If Phyllis Schlafly isn’t being paid off by rich Arab oil sheiks, I’m a monkey’s uncle.   She’s spouting their views about energy use, women, and the place of religion in government.  She’s gotta be making money for that.  That gives me a migraine and a fit.”

“You know,” Juanita laughs, “if we liberals were only half as smart and conniving as the rightwing thinks we are, we might have won some elections last November.  We’re pathetic.  But, at least we ain’t scared of new-fangled light bulbs.  We’ve got that going for us.”