Do you want to know the date of the last regular season home game for Houston Astros?  I have tickets for it and major plans. September 24.  September 24th – which is one day after …

Is there such a thing as a Christian numerologist?  Who invented that and what else are they selling?

I guess you’ve heard by now that Motel 6 got caught calling ICE on any of their customers who looked Hispanic.

Downside of this new YouTube is that doesn’t sound like Jeff Sessions at all, but t does sound like the regular Hotel 6 guy.

We’ll leave the white on for ya …

Okay, let’s head off to Minnesota.

St. Catherine University Security Officer Brent Ahlers was shot in the shoulder earlier this week while on duty.  The quiet little town was horrified.

[Police Sergeant] Ernster said 55 police officers and four K-9s, as well as a State Patrol aircraft, joined in the search for a suspect on Tuesday night. Scanner reports described a man in a navy blue sweatshirt and black jeans. Ahlers was taken to Regions Hospital with noncritical injuries.

Police conducted a building-by-building search and advised people to stay indoors as they searched for the shooter.

The campus was put on lockdown. People in town started calling police to come to their homes because they thought the shooter was in their backyards.

The search continued the next day.  They don’t cotton to shootin’ security guards at St. Catherine’s so they were pulling out all stops.

Yeah, except that Security Office Brent Ahlers finally admitted that he shot himself.

While interviewing Ahlers about 9:15 p.m. Wednesday, he told officers that he was in a wooded area of the campus about 9:30 p.m. Tuesday. He had brought his personal handgun from home and was handling it when it accidentally discharged, hitting him in the shoulder.

He told police he’d lied and said he made up the story because he was afraid of losing his job because he’d brought a gun to work with him.

They probably won’t let him back on campus either.

Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.

Martin Shkreli is a punk.

So, he’s out on $5 million bail for a felony securities fraud conviction, coupled with a misdemeanor of just being a dirtbag.  He’s awaiting his January 16th sentencing hearing.

Meanwhile, with little to occupy his time, he took to social media and wrote:

“The Clinton Foundation is willing to KILL to protect its secrets. So on HRC’s book tour, try to grab a hair from her. I must confirm the sequences I have. Will pay $5,000 per hair obtained from Hillary Clinton.”

That alarmed the Secret Service and the judge in Shkreli’s case, who revoked his bail and sent his happy butt to jail.

Shkreli’s lawyers, who should have to show their bar card and some manner of proof that they are actually human, argued that Shkreli’s statement was protected by the First Amendment.

The defense insisted it was merely a tasteless joke comparable to some of President Donald Trump’s derisive comments.

Nice example, guys.

The judge, who has actually read the First Amendment upon occasion, saw it differently.

“This is not protected by the First Amendment,” the judge said. “… There’s a risk that somebody may take him up on it.”

I will have a nicer weekend knowing that this little Pharma Bro punk is in jail.

… is that is a stoopid name for anything.

I suspect calling it Medicare for All is a little better but we need something snappy.

How ’bout:  All Donut and No Hole

Okay, get to work.  We need a better name!