Republicans whined two years ago and said they lost the House because of too many retirements.  Not because of Trump, mind you. It was because too many Repubicans jumped ship.

Michigan Rep. PAUL MITCHELL, Texas Rep. PETE OLSON and Alabama Rep. MARTHA ROBY all said they were calling it quits. Republicans say they lost the House because of too many retirements last cycle, yet they are seeing a steady stream of lawmakers forgo reelection once again.

I, of course, am most interested in Pete Olson, who spent his term in congress pretty much imitating a tree stump.  He is my damn congressvarmint.  Olson went from winning by 18 points in 2016 to 5 points last year. It has become one of the most diverse districts in the country. Olson may be dumb as a sack of hammers but even he saw what’s coming.

The district is now considered a tossup. Can you imagine the smile on my face that Tom’s DeLay’s home district, which he personally gerrymandered, is flipping blue?

My friend Buck told me that if the district flips, he and I are riding his Harley to Tom’s house and dance right there in the street to a Willie Nelson tune. I hope I get arrested because I know some some folks who would get in line to pay my bail.

Oddly enough, Trump must not have realized that his less than adorable son-in-law owns property in Baltimore County and it is a rodent infested mess where no human would want to live.

In 2017, Baltimore County officials revealed that apartments owned by the Kushner firm were responsible for more than 200 code violations, all accrued in the span of the calendar year. Repairs were made only after the county threatened fines, local officials said, and even after warnings, violations on nine properties were not addressed, resulting in monetary sanctions.

In an investigation by the New York Times and Pro Publica published earlier that year, tenants of Kushner properties reported mouse infestations, mold problems and maggots. A private investigator who looked into Kushner’s property management company, Westminster Management, described the managers as “slumlords.”

Well, isn’t that kinda what Trump wants to be for America?  A slumlord.

The Supremes gave permission for Trump to use defense department money to build the wall.

The court’s five conservative justices gave the administration the greenlight to begin work on four contracts it has awarded using Defense Department money. Funding for the projects had been frozen by lower courts while a lawsuit over the money proceeded. The court’s four liberal justices wouldn’t have allowed construction to start.

Oh yeah, he’s also starting a war with defense department funds.

My own personal congressvarmint, Pete Olson – the man who does diddle squat and does that without making a sound – is retiring.

Two years ago, this safe GOP seat, once occupied by Tom DeLay, saw a 5 point victory margin due to changing demographics.  Pete may be an idiot, but he knows shrinking numbers.

Troy Nehls

His replacement on the GOP ticket will likely be Sheriff Troy Nehls, who is about 5′ 4″ and is armed with a degree from Liberty University.  He cannot say the words President Obama so he calls him, “that clown in Washington.” He is to the right of Donald Trump but with far less education.  He also has strange blonde hair.  However, we expect the Republicans to have a blood letting in their primary.

Democrats will likely nominate Sri Preston Kulkarni to herald our ticket.  Sri was our nominee two years ago and turned out Asian voters like we’ve never seen before.

No, wait. Wait. Stop. Wait.

They’ve already been here and have set up housekeeping somewhere in Ohio.

The Senate Intelligence Committee has released its long-awaited bipartisan report on election security and Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election.

It’s 67 pages long and is heavily redacted.  Click here to see it.

For your viewing pleasure, here is one of my personal favorite redactions.

What is ?  Some kind of code?  “See, we didn’t redact the entire paragraph.”  No, you didn’t. You left a peep hole for crazy people.

I haven’t read but about 15 pages so far and it gave me a headache.  But best I can figure, when they say they saw no evidence that any votes were changed or that any machines were manipulated, they are pretty much just guessing.

I’m probably gonna read the rest of it.

Because Trump has not fed his cult enough red meat, he’s throwing in some blood.

Attorney General William Barr directed the the federal government Thursday to resume capital punishment after nearly two decades and has directed the Bureau of Prisons to schedule the execution of five inmates after adopting an updated execution protocol.

They could not have picked a better topic to throw at Democrats, who oppose the death penalty and even have it in our party platform, to call us socialists and liberals who don’t support law and order. And to make it even juicier …

Attorney General William Barr directed the Bureau of Prisons to schedule the executions of five inmates convicted of murder and other crimes. The executions have been scheduled for December 2019 and January 2020.

What a great way to kick off an election year!

The last federal execution was in 2003, under – ta da – idiot child Bush.

I want my country back.