I confess that I have never served in the military. Vietnam was the war of my youth and I was against that immoral and illegal war. But in the end, the draft lottery kept me out of it.

Captain Bonespurs had his own way to avoid fighting in that war because the draft lottery wasn’t invented yet. But I don’t know if TFG was opposed to that particular war (like me), war in general, or his fighting in any war.

I suspect the latter because of things we now know about him since he couldn’t stop mentioning how American soldiers buried in a World War 1 battlefield cemetery were chumps and losers.

That explains a lot.

It explains why stolen valor is such a touchstone in this year’s presidential campaign. Belittling Governor Walz’s 24 tears of service in the National Guard has become a something of a contest among MAGA Republicans these days.

But it’s OK. Captain Von Schitzenpantz has given stealing Walz’s valor his seal of approval.

So it should not be any surprise that the man was moved to denigrate the Medal of Honor by claiming that the civilian Medal of Freedom was a superior award because a recipient didn’t have to get shot at or killed in order to earn it: Mrs. Adelson only had to donate many millions of dollars to MAGA causes to get her medal.

Lesson: If you give TFG your money, you’re a hero. If you die for your country, you’re some dumb schmuck.

Besides Captain Ronny Jackson, TFG’s former physician while he was playing at being a president, Congressman Troy Nehls (TX CD-22) has written a couple of books.

Borderless By Design and The Big Fraud. Both Nehls and Jackson are ex-military, both are Texans with their own Texas congressional districts, and both Ronny and Troy even use the same publisher, Post Hill Press which specializes in “conservative political nonfiction works”.

But what sets the two apart is that while Ronny can report no income from his book deal, Troy can report negative income. His publisher has realized more profit from selling his book to Troy than Troy has received from his publisher. That’s what one may conclude from Nehls’s FEC filing.

Look here and scroll about a third of the way down to the line showing disbursement to Post Hill Press: for $5915.02 on February 1st. For “printing”.

For printing?

In one way to look at it, it would appear that Troy Nehls laid out some of his campaign cash to buy some copies of his own book. I assume he hands them out to loyal constituents because that’s what I would do with several hundred copies of my own book.

If it weren’t for the fact that his campaign donors foot the bill for his largesse, that would have made quite a dent in his pin money.

As well as you, I didn’t spend one nanosecond listening to the TFG/Musk livestream on Monday.

I’d rather watch grass grow.

I’d rather listen to gravel in my car’s hubcap.

But what we all missed got the attention of every late-night host or writing staff the following day: The Former Guy sounded like
Sylvester on steroids. No, not Stallone, the Looney Toons cartoon character, Sylvester the Cat, who craves the sweet taste of Tweetie Bird.

It is a speech impediment known as a “sloppy lisp.” You can hear it on this audio clip.

Was TFG having a “Polident moment”?

As explained by audio engineers, the lisp was an effect of audio compression for the livestream, as the Orange Buffoon sounded “just fine” from where he was videoed at home. Or, as TFG’s advisor, Steven Cheung helpfully observed: “Must be your sh**ty hearing. Get your ears checked out.”

Maybe so. But maybe Elon ought to look into who was in charge of Twitter’s (now X’s) audio compression programs, and why did he fire them.

It seems that TFG’s former White House Physician, Captain Ronny Jackson (Ret.), wrote a book. I had no idea that he could write a book, but then, maybe he can’t.

I mean, anyone could write a book. I could write a book. I just don’t think anyone would buy it. And that’s what I mean about being able to write a book. One of the requirements is that someone else reads the book, and that means that they have bought the book.

People don’t buy Ronny’s book.

How do I know this? This is Captain Ron’s annual FEC income report. It lists all of his sources of income, alphabetically by asset.

Look between NVIDIA and Roth. There is nothing listed there that even approximates “Post Hill Press”. That’s the poor and unfortunate publisher of Ronny’s book Holding the Line. Alas, Ronny has listed no royalties received from his publisher.

Small wonder. When you look online for that title, you get an ad for Thriftbooks.com and a list price of $4.99 (a savings of $23.01 off the list price).

Do you know what you get as well? Every other book entitled “Holding the Line”.

I guess in the book-writing world, there is a lot of line holding.

I recently read a Washington Post article (subscription) that evokes the familiar refrain: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It seems that there have been unwelcome aliens that have invaded the shores of Italy, in particular, Venice, Italy: Atlantic Blue Crabs.

It is postulated that they skillfully ensconced themselves “in the ballast water of barge ships” and invaded the Italian coastal waters, particularly in hyposaline estuaries, where they thrive (ask anyone from Delaware or Maryland).

It seems that the Mediterranean seawater temperature has risen sufficiently in recent years that since at least 2012, the invading species has found a true haven in the Venetian waters: warmth, lots of delicious freshly dead sea life and detritus to eat, and no natural predators.

At first, Italians were repelled by their appearance and taste. They were used to the local granseola (spider crabs) and moeche (soft shell crabs), but these invaders? Insipido!

But the younger generation of Italian chefs in the area are adapting, viewing the invaders “not as pests, but as ingredients.” And a remarkable thing has happened: the local detritus has confirmed the old adage that “you are what you eat”: crabs have been feeding locally for a few years now, so what was previously a bland-tasting meat has transformed into something much more pleasing to the local palate:

Delizioso Piatto di Granchio Blu!

Lesson? When presented with unpalatable invaders with foreign tastes, let them marinate in the area for a while. They may end up adding their distinctiveness to your own culture.