Watches ‘N Cialis

October 20, 2024 By: Half Empty

TFG watches are here (for ordering) at TheBestWatchesOnEarth LLC! You can get your Swiss movement TFG Watch for yourself and all your friends by just going here to order yours. Order now and get your watch by October/November/December.

 

A store that is conveniently located in a strip mall in Sheridan, Wyoming (see below) is the location of TheBestWatchesOnEarth, and also the offices of a trade delegation from Montenegro.


They start at only $499 each, and there are only a limited number (500) of each kind. Be sure to point out to your friends that each watch bears the signature of the former guy, right there on the watch face. And the “Fight Fight Fight” watch is not only dust and water resistant but it will withstand water pressure down to 666 feet (more or less).

Not into keeping time? No worries! At this very same place of business, you can buy honey. No, really. You can buy honey here at Kingdom Honey LLC. Can’t get it up? Their top-selling brand includes doses of Cialis, a male enhancement drug approved by the deep state.

Many of these watches have sold out and time is short. Only 16 more shopping days until Election Day, so order yours now. You’ll get your watch by Christmas.

We promise.

The Big Lie Expanded

October 19, 2024 By: Nick Carraway

Brett Baier asked an important question to Kamala Harris that she couldn’t answer. If Donald Trump is so bad then why are so many people supporting him? Good question Brett. I think the answer can be seen in some of the political ads we have been seeing. Those that are running ads these days actively think we are idiots based on what they are feeding us. I made the mistake of flipping it on “Forensic Files” late last night and saw this brazenly mendacious bullshit on full display.

I saw three kinds of ads that made my blood boil. The first one was a local commercial asking people to vote out “all Democrat judges” because they are “soft on crime.” These commercials are not so offensive by themselves, but when you run five or six of them consecutively and offer absolutely zero context it becomes obnoxious. Of course, those ads offer nothing in the way of context. They are just bad judges. Got it.

Not to be outdone, a PAC on behalf of Ted Cruz told us that Collin Allred voted against the parents bill of rights so now he supports gender reassignment surgery at school. You have to be a real piece of Samsonite to believe a word of this ad. Where do I even begin here? I earned a degree in Political Science and now support English classes. Could you imagine me working a scalpel to turn Harry into Sally? Am I supposed to be manning the anesthesia machine?

Has anyone seen a school nurse’s office? Where in the hell would we store the surgical equipment necessary? We barely have the supplies to bandage a wound suffered on the playground much less perform complex medical procedures.  Then I saw a disabled veteran in an ad saying that Allred supported sex change operations for people in the military and children. First of all, the grammarian in me is asking a ton of questions. Are children in the military?

Obviously, we had a transfer of ideas that wasn’t properly punctuated and separated for our consumption. How many people are we talking about here? How many children are getting sex change operations? How many men (I’m assuming men) in the military are getting a sex change operation? If we are to believe that Kamala really wants to fund sex change operations for undocumented migrants (as the highly edited ad that clearly skipped from phrase to phrase suggested) then how many are we talking about?

Fortunately, I can answer that question for you. According to most sources, a little over one percent (1.14 to be exact) is transsexual. As an observant American, I can vouch for those numbers just based on what I see and going through all the people I know. I also know based on my experience in the classroom that fewer children are transsexual. Those statistics are currently sitting at 0.6. percent.

The point is very simple and goes back to the question that Baier was asking. There are two important things of note in the transsexual question. First, most people don’t have the first damn clue how many people are getting gender affirming care. They think the percentage is much higher than it is. Furthermore, they don’t have the first damn clue what gender affirming care actually is.

Secondly and more importantly, most Americans have little ability to filter out obvious bullshit from actual information. Too many people have not developed an active bullshit detector. If a story sounds outrageous then it probably is. We have information at our fingertips that can actively debunk this nonsense. Too many Americans are not doing that.

So, to answer Baier’s question I can simply say that millions of people are politically ignorant. When someone is ignorant you can tell them anything and they will believe it. You have to have some knowledge before something outrageous begins to sound outrageous. Without that knowledge then it just all gets baked into a bulging bullshit cake.

 

Pink Slime Surge

October 19, 2024 By: Half Empty

Pink slime used to be the bacterial mass that KTRK consumer newsman Marvin Zindler used to find in ice machines. The term has been rebranded to mean the substance that is put into meat as filler.

That allowed the term to be borrowed by webwatching organizations that expose fake news sites. Organizations like NewsGuard, discussed by this piece in The Voice of America website.

It’s a rather alarming article that makes the astounding claim that, at 1,265, the number of “fake news” websites now outnumber the country’s 1,213 legitimate local news sites.

According to VOA, at least 167 of those sites were created by one man, a former Florida sheriff’s deputy, John Dougan, who fled to Russia to escape justice.

And obviously, this couldn’t come at a worse time, especially in counties that are “news deserts” because they lack any trusted local news due to their unprofitability.

Now admittedly, “satire sites” that are left-leaning have also contributed to the problem, because MAGAns have been known to leave comments and requote from them as well.

As examples, these are all fake news items that have drawn comments from MAGA enthusiasts. No, really, these are all false.

Really.

1. Kid Rock shipped “millions of dollars worth of supplies” to areas impacted by Hurricane Helene and Hurricane.

2. FEMA is supposedly running out of money due to migrant aid .

3. Hurricane Milton Renamed to ‘Millicent’ for Transgender Awareness Month.

4. Walmart Canceled Taylor Swift Clothing Line Worth $150M.

5. Bread costs $11 in California because of the minimum wage increase.

6. The NFL “ruled” that there is only one national anthem.

These all seem patently absurd, but to some, fake news items have become so popular because they reaffirm their previously held beliefs. And that feels great.

Friday Toons

October 18, 2024 By: Fenway Fran

 

 

Sanewashing

October 17, 2024 By: Half Empty

We have a new derived word: sanewashing. Originally, it was coined in 2020 to make the “defund the police” war cry after the George Floyd murder seem to be a reasonable plan to promote social equity.

It has since evolved, almost universally, to be a description of the process that attempts to render TFG’s most outrageous false claims into being more socially acceptable.

Wiktionary has a good pair of definitions: “1. The practice of restating someone’s rhetoric to seem more palatable or acceptable.
2. Attempting to downplay a person or idea’s radicality to make it more palatable to the general public.”

Sanewashing has become a necessary political tool that I equate to translations of Adolf Hitler’s speeches and writings: because German to English translators were scholarly people, their translations were also scholarly. In actuality, Hitler’s speech pattern had such a country bumpkin aspect to it that he appealed to the German masses, but was deplored by the aristocracy.


Sanewashing puts a finer point on the whole question of what makes a MAGAn be so MAGA, giving Bronzer Boy a much wider audience consisting of those who hear him speak, and those who see his speeches after being cleaned up for the gentler souls.

It’s a win-win for our country’s most famous con artist.

Another Presidential Candidate Drops Out

October 16, 2024 By: Half Empty

Nader Akhlaghy is not a household name by any stretch of the imagination. An Iranian immigrant, Mr. Akhlaghy has recently availed himself to be considered in two elections that I am aware of. The first, back in 2022, was a run for US Congress under the Peace and Freedom Party banner in New York’s 5th District. He withdrew before the election was held.

More recently, he ran as a Republican for President of the United States.

Nader Akhlaghy (not Ralph)


But just today, the FEC is in receipt of three Form 99s from the now former presidential candidate. Form 99 is a form for “miscellaneous” filings. It is there, through his son, Amirhossein Akhlaghy, the campaign Treasurer, that Nader (not to be confused with Ralph, another 3rd party candidate) has again dropped out of the running.

This is Ralph

And not a moment too soon. Unlike the other Nader, this one knows that his name on the ballot might foul things up with unintentional consequences like getting another Republican elected when that would be a bad, bad thing.

So, in his own words, as shown on FEC Form 99, Nader Akhlaghy believes “Mrs. Harris is a more suitable person for this presidential term, and…will withdraw from the election in her favor…”.

America needs more responsible presidential candidates like Nader Akhlaghy.