Oh the Horror
I have talked to you before about the small Texas town of Victoria, close to the Gulf Coast and as red as a radish. Victoria has three Baptist churches within a three mile area because they can’t get along with each other.
Much to my delight, Victoria is large enough to have a newspaper, but small enough to print the the weekly crime report, my favorite reading. I have Democratic friends in Victoria who send me the crime report when it’s especially good in their oh so Republican town.
You are going to love this one. Under “Stolen” near the bottom are Hidden Pleasures.
And whoever did $200 worth of damage to front yard religious statues is going straight to hell.
Ya know what, Victoria could surely use some family counseling.
Oh, those great red Texas cities.
And what about the missing toilet? Someone doesn’t have a pot to piss in.
1scroll to the bottom–a home was burglarized–and a toilet was stolen.
2That’s a whole lotta assaults on those women by family members. I notice there weren’t any arrests or charges listed.
3The sexual swing was probably stolen by a deacon in the First Baptist Church. Since he certainly couldn’t be seen in any establishment that sells such sinful trash. Hell, he probably has to drive to Galveston to buy his beer.
4I noticed some Wahl trimmers were stolen as well from another fine home. Perhaps someone is setting up a kinky barber shop? Thanks for the chuckle. Our local news police blotter is way boring in comparison.
5seems to be sort of a kinky place what with all the sex stuff and toilets being swapped around.
6Well, that really was a cultural splash! In my little old home town in Canada, the missing/stolen stuff would have come under a completely different jargon. The paper did carry a column devoted to misbehavior resulting in police action. Example: commode for toilet or even porcelain plumbing unit. As for sex swing, “therapy furnishing” would be a stretch but at least it would meet the cultural decency code. And everyone would know what you were talking about – or not.
7I too noticed five women assaulted by family members in three days. Any guesses who those family members were? At least they reported it.
My friend’s hometown newspaper in Concord MA used to have a hoot of a police report column. One of my favorites was a woman in the mid-range motel who reported noisy children in the hall. An hour later she reported that the children weren’t noisy any more and she was worried about them. She also wanted the number of the CIA because the FBI wasn’t returning her calls about something else. Some guy wanted the guards at the prison out on the highway to wave to him when he walked by so he knew that they knew he wasn’t an escaped prisoner. And there was a fairly common theme of reporting suspicious characters who turned out to be a neighbor’s Latino gardeners. Unfortunately whoever was writing up the column must have been replaced a couple of years ago because it became formulaic and boring.
For a few years our local paper had so many indecent exposure reports– in the winter they were inside, waving out the sliding glass doors– that we assumed there was some sort of club whose initiation was to get your indecent exposure report in the News Review. Another good one was the shoplifter who was stuffing packs of underwear into the girdle he wore under his coat. A woman cop, new to the force, complained to me that she got all the nut job calls.
8“A sexual swing valued at $280 from Hidden Pleasures in the 1200 block of East Mockingbird Lane on June 25.” I’m also enjoying the thought of the residents of that block eyeing each other and wondering.
9And just 5 blocks away nearly $1K worth of firearms and ammo. What’s going on down there?
10Well now! That ‘sexual swing’ just jumped right off the page at me before I got started reading.
The assaults are heartbreaking. At least they’re reporting it. Hopefully, they can go a step further and walk away.
But the toilet..who the hell steals a toilet? I’m calling shenanigans on that one. I’ll bet anything that someone thought it would be real funny to mount that toilet on his riding lawn mower and “stolen” was the best he could come up with when the wife noticed something was missing from the bathroom.
11What I want to know is how someone else knew that the swing was there to steal? Or did one of the swingers(?) not really care for this pleasure, hidden or not, and tossed it out?
“Oh gosh, honey, you can’t find the swing? That’s awful! I loved that swing. Golly gee, someone must have stolen it. Yeah, that’s it. It’s been stolen.”
“What do you mean, you called the police?”
12… swings like a pendulum do.
13Nina, hopefully the cops will go a step farther and arrest the bastards who are committing the heinous, violent crimes. Then jail them, charge them, set a high bail so they don’t get out and get revenge on the reporter. Then try the SOBs and give them appropriate prison sentences for the crimes they committed.
After many years of work in domestic violence I’m still surprised when the onus is put on the victim to act, rather than the assailant who committed the criminal act. Interesting.
14“Victoria has three Baptist churches within a three mile area…”
Well that may be, but they have a shit-ton more beyond that 3-mile arc!
There are a LOT of churches in that town of 62,000. After reading this I just had to go to ‘teh Google’ and check it out and I think there are 27 churches there. And then I wondered “…how many synagogues?”
Well, there one! Has about 30 members.
And it also has a Mosque!
And then I read that some of those church-goin’ “Christians” who used the Debbil’s sex swings in the basement when not stealing commodes, set that Texas mosque on fire on Jan 28, 2017, gutting the place. For Jebus! I guess.
The fire collapsed the building leaving the congregants of the Victoria Islamic Center without a place to worship.
That is, at least, until members of a local Jewish congregation showed up at a mosque founder’s house with a key to their synagogue. “Jewish community members walked into my home and gave me a key to their synagogue!” – Shahid Hashmi.
Well, whadayaknow….?
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