Oh John, We Told You That Whatever Ted Cruz Has is Contagious
John Cornyn thought we told him that Ted Cruz’s behavior was courageous. We said contagious. John got confused.
It’s too late now, of course, so here goes John Cornyn acting the fool.
John Cornyn
Cornyn worked himself into a lather over the fact that Texas does not have enough judges to keep those turban wearing fake Mexicans out of the USofA.
During the Judiciary Committee’s recent hearing on immigration reform, Sen. Cornyn complained that his home state of Texas was suffering from a shortage of immigration judges. Thousands of illegal immigrants cross the Southern border into Texas each year, Cornyn explained, many of them even “wearing some form of turban.”
He was sure that had to be President Obama’s fault because everything that pisses off John Cornyn is President Obama’s fault. Steak undercooked? Obama’s fault for not wanting to burn more fossil fuels. Pants too tight? Obama’s fault for wanting more unions. Can’t get your 5 year old a pink gun? Well, duh, Obama’s fault because what 5 year old can pass a background check? Your wife not sexually satisfied? Obama’s fault because he wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole.
So Cornyn, who is suffering from Cruzmania, pitches a fit over the lack of judges in Texas. Never mind that Cornyn sees it as his mission in life to block every judicial appointment.
One of my favorite people, Patrick Leahy points out to Cornyn —
Based on 38 years experience here, every judgeship I’ve seen come through this committee during that time has followed recommendations by the senators from the state. You have to have recommendations from the senators.
At which point, Cornyn bounces back that he and his partner Cruz have set up a commission to “vet potential judicial nominees.” So there.
To which Leahy asks politely if they had any recommendations yet. Cornyn responded with his best Forrest Gump impression —
Well it’s uh, we’re working on that. What is this, May? And we’re trying to, we’re trying — we’re working on that.
As my favorite philosopher says, “Try not. Either do or do not. There is no try.”
And as my favorite Senator Senator replied to Cornyn, “I would be happy to help you.”
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
“John Cornyn acting the fool.”
1Isn’t that just a case of John being John?
I think Cornyn is the carrier, at least in the Senate, thought Cruz had caught it a long time before he got there.
2I heard that Cornyn used to be a Democrat and a pretty decent one at that. What happened?
3If John Cornyn did a Forrest Gump impression, Mama would have to say, “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. Except the ones labled, John Cornyn Crunch, they’re always some kind of nuts.”
4OK, this is really going to piss off somebody out there, but how the **ll old is Cornyn and can he pass a special retinal scan for Alzheimers? There’s got to be a legit medical reason for such behavior or its all going to backfire on the memory of his mother! As in, its all her fault the way he is.
5Nice.
I saw what you did there.
Yoda reference.
Your okay in my book.
Just saying……
6John Cornyn: “But, but, but…how in the world can Crazy Crudz and I say “no” if we are the ones doing the recommending? This screws up our purpose as Republican senators, and I didn’t see anything about this in the Tea Party bible.”
7Sen. Cornyn is so scared of the Texas Tea Party that he will say anything to sound like a clone of his fellow Senator, one Ted Cruz. Wait until he jumps on the “Benghazi!” bandwagon.
8Please make him take off that fringe. Please.
9Not according to this ever popular and highly respected vault of knowledge, Marge.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Cornyn
10Corny’s attitude is a little like killing both your parents and then pleading for mercy ’cause you’re an orphan. He does not see the legal and logical disconnect.
11The trouble is that the only names that Carnival Cruz and Cruz Controlled can come up with would cause Obama and the Dems on the Judiciary committee to giggle uncontrollably.
12Hey! The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness is finally out. Amazon carries it and by carry I do mean that! It is one weighty hunk of book. It has been reorganized with some diagnoses going away, others being tidied up and tied in with something else, and a few new ones. If I had the $135 for this doorstop I would like to see where Cornyn and Cruz ended up on its pages!
13Is that a turducken on his head?
14Timbo, you got the first syllable right.
15There Is a reason we frequently refer to the crapper as the John..
16The thing on the heads that Cornyn thinks are wearing “some kind of turban” is called a “do-rag.” If you don’t have a hat, or you can’t wear a hat where you are, it kind of covers your scalp from the sun and soaks up some of the sweat. It doesn’t blow off like a hat, and it never looks as stupid as Cornyn’s hat, which looks like the hat on the plastic mug with Roy Roger’s face on it that was my pride and joy when I was six years old. I still have it somewhere. I used to have a cheap plaster horse, more or less a palomino, that I called Trigger, too.
The do-rag is not a turban. It’s not even close to a turban. It’s not even a turban like I make when I wash my hair and wrap a towel around it and tuck it in until I have time to comb it out. Anyone who wore a real turban would look at what John Cornyn thinks might be a turban and just start laughing uncontrollably. At Cornyn. And then point to his hat and say “I suppose you think that’s a real cowboy hat too, huh?” (Because, you know, I’ve seen real cowboy hats on real cowhands, and usually look like they’ve been outside on the head of someone who works for a living.)
17From a bug which I deny placing in the Office of Senator Cornyn. “Okay these here’s Senator Cruz and Representative Gohmert and we have a question we ask all potential nominees to be immigrant judges. ‘If you know that many of the Mexicans appearing before you are likely Al Quaeda undercovers, how do you trip them up?’ “Ah’d offer’em pork jerky, Senator”. “Gentlemen, this one’s worth nominatin’!”
18Remember when Corny claimed that a friend of his who owned a ranch near the border reported that 300 illegal immigrants sneaked across his land EVERY NIGHT? Do you suppose these turban-wearing illegal immigrants part of that 300 (that’s 109,500 every year) or are they in addition? Why hasn’t someone asked Corny why his friend didn’t call law enforcement officials about those 109,500 illegal immigrants? Inquiring minds want to know.
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