Oh Dudes, What’s Your Theory About Boehner’s Orange Skin? He Got Dyed in a Vat of Martian Gunk?
The best part about the rightwing is that they see a conspiracy everywhere. You know, like the one that placed a fake birth announcement in Hawaiian newspapers so that Barack Obama could become President.
They have a much cooler explanation of why Hillary Clinton was in the hospital. If I were her, I’d go with their story.
A startling Foreign Military Intelligence (GRU) report circulating in the Kremlin today states that President Obama was informed by White House medical personal shortly after Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s return to the United States that her health prognosis was “grim” as her likelihood of survival was “diminishing by the hour.”
As we had previously reported in our 30 December report, Clinton Injured, US Navy Seal Killed In Secret US Mission To Iran, Secretary Clinton was severely injured over a fortnight ago when her US military C-12 Huron aircraft crash landed at Iran’s Ahwaz International Airport during a US secret mission to that Persian Gulf nation where she was reported to be “unconscious” and “bleeding profusely.”
US mainstream propaganda news sources have, so far, denied the truth of this incident and as late as 28 December were reporting that Secretary Clinton would be returning to work this past week after her having suffered a bout of the flu and a concussion.
Cool, she’s like James Bond.
So, she went from”near death” to this —
And the only reason she’s wearing a coat is because she has to hide the scars.
Thanks to Brian for the heads up.
But how do we know that is really Hillary? Those sunglasses are HUGE! I want to check her fingerprints against her long form birth certificate, what, she doesn’t have one on her?? OMG!!
1My name is Clinton. Hillary… Clinton.
2Not sure why the “story” is being circulated by the right.
3Wouldn’t it boost Madam Secretary’s credentials if she had been injured in such an accident?
(Yes, I know logic isn’t a strong suit in conspiracy stories…)
Didn’t Sununu (most likely not spelled correctly, but he’s not worth the effort to check) say that Obama was keeping her hostage somewhere, forcing Bill to campaign for him?
Repugs are so entertaining.
4Thank you very much Rick (comment #2) – I will have “Clinton. Hilary… Clinton” going through my head. As I write, a whole spy-movie scenario is in current production in the studio of my mind. Sure, Bill is the friendly say-what-he-thinks smart guy, but you KNOW he has her back. And little Chelsea? Her biz card say “hedgefund manager” but REALLY…..
5You know … they do keep the days interesting if nothing else! And Boehner won with 218 votes to remain as Speaker … so, ya know, things will remain pretty much the same … totally bonkersville!!
6I’m sorry to be the one to point this out, but the RWNJs are signalling what life is going to be like if she runs in 2016 and then wins. Remember the hell they put her and Bill through for 8 looonnnggg years?
They’re revising the ol’ playbook. Alas.
7Good morning, Mrs. Clinton. This is Ab al Bakir Ja’arli, the number one nuclear scientist in the Islamic Republic of Iran. Although he is not trusted by President Ahmadinejad, he does have the support of several of the ayatollahs. He is the motivating force behind the push for an Iranian atomic weapon.
This is his personal assistant, India Papazulu, an expatriate Italian whom we believe is actually working for the Russians. She is his right hand, but our sources in Iranian intelligence indicate that she is increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of a nuclear-capable theocracy.
Your mission, Hillary, should you choose to accept it, is to contact Ms. Papazulu and use her to stop Ja’arli from completing his experiments by destroying his lab, ideally with him in it.
As usual, should you or any of your team be captured or killed, we’ll pretend you have the flu and, as Secretary, you’ll have to deny any knowledge of yourself or your mission. Like, with a concussion or something.
This iPod will self-destruct in 5 seconds by filling up completely with Abba music. Good luck, Hillary.
“There was something in the air that night
8The stars were bright, Fernando…”
Gosh, Bill and Chelsea look pretty chipper considering Hillary’s dire situation, don’t they?
So is she faking illness with “diplomatic flu” (or whatever that idiot Bolton called it) or is she at death’s door?
Can it be that both of these wackaloon conspiracies come from gibbering lunatics? I’m shocked.
9Boehner’s skin appears orange because the tea-party cockroaches in his cacus consider it a win, everytime they impede good government, and they celebrate every win by dumping Gatoraid on the head of Coach Boehner.
10I think it was her Navy Seal training that kept Bill in line. Oh wait, he didn’t…. Nevermind.
11Y’all already said it all and I can barely type due to ROFLMFAO~thanks.
Clinton. Hillary Clinton.
Hillary and Bill must have some real laughs at the RePigs – on a very regular basis. I doubt anything they say bothers either of them. After all the garbage during Bill’s 8 years, including the “murder” charges, what could any RePig say that would do anything but make them laugh~
12The Boehner-orange skin affliction must be contagious, because this morning during his coronation there was a woman in attendance who was exactly the same non-human color as he is. I can only assume she is his wife. She was wearing a bright pink jacket. The clash was horrific.
A tanning bed can’t do matching colors like that. They must have a live-in spray tan person…or at least one on retainer who makes house calls.
Or… maybe for fun they spray each other?
Okay, now I need an industrial put-up of brain bleach…
13How does she like her martinis?
14Remember Obama’s first press corps gala (or whatever they call that event where the DC villagers get together in formal clothes and tell jokes)?
Obama: “Speaker Boehner is a person of color. But it is not a color found in nature.”
15Some of the funniest comments ever! You all outdid yourselves. Thanks for all the laughs.
@Lorinda Pike, may his color just rubbed off on her.
16Oh, june…that is just too frightening! Aaaccckkk!
17Looking at the picture, that definitly is Hilary’s head. but not her torso. After her accident in Iran, they couldn’t save the torso. I hope her new torso belonged to a Repug. We have this technology, ya know, That’s why she wearing the scarf (to hide the stitches).
18Clown make-up??? The last I heard, no self-respecting clown goes out with his bare face showing…
19That’s not Hiilary. Hillary’s died in the crash. The glasses are to hide some of the plastic surgery that Jennifer Flowers needed for her new appearance. George Soros paid for the plastic surgery -I’ve seen pictures of the checks on the web.
20The source or cause of the orange skin is simple … he’s Cromwellian and the details of the conspiracy that created him will be published when the tea-beggars elect a new speaker … one who is not an elected representative from the district of a state – to test the extra-Constitutional authorities of administration of the House.
21But boehner will still be an orange skinned janitor from Cincinnati.
Good grief, Hillary Clinton isn’t the President who the whole world gets to know everything… and I do mean EVERYTHING… about him. Since when do we Americans fall for Russian or Iranian rumors? Who said: “Have we no shame?”
22Eve dear, we not only have no shame, we have NO FLIPPIN’ SENSE! None, zero. That’s how we have gotten into this sad state of affairs in the first place! Thank God for the humor around here, it’s the only silver lining I can find!
23Is she wearing shoes in that picture??? We should check. That is how we knew they replaced The Beatle ….Paul.
24Oh, this is all toooooooooooo good to be true! Hillary as Wonder Woman with her Golden Lasso of Justice and Truth and her invisible spacecraft to get her from one point on the planet to the other! So proud of her! Damn! I am so gonna vote for her when she runs in the 2016 race. Bring on all the jugheads for the primary debates and then the general debates! I pity Rick Perry! I dare the Rethugs to pull that voter suppresion jazz again! “The name is Clinton — Hillary Rodham.” What a high!
25Google “Jaundice Symptoms” or “Cirrhosis Symptoms”, which may explain the orange skin tone.
26Oh, dear! Am I in the right blog for this? OK. It goes like this: Boehner’s Ultimate Orange is over compensation for somethin’ missin’ in his life. Just sayin’. . .
27W C Peterson, maybe you’re right. Hepatic encephalopathy might well explain a lot of his bizarre statements/actions.
28That W.C. Peterson sure is a nice guy!
29Where I come from, we just call him the town drunk!
snorting my wine the wrong way as I read this, but I must admit that when I first read “Clinton…Hillary Clinton,” I defaulted to Ahnald’s voice. Much better that way. Give it a try.
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