Oh Be Still My Heart!
Politichicks – a very conservative website run by young Republican women who are oh so fond of Glamour Shots and airbrushing, have taken on an impossible task.
First, they set out the criteria to be “hot.”
#1. Intelligence. These guys are brilliant.
#2. Courage. They aren’t afraid to stand up to challenges, speak the truth and fight for our country
#3: Passion (See above)
#4: Sense of humor. They never let the haters get them down–they just keep doing what they do, with their sense of self and sense of humor intact.
#5: Looks. This can be either conventionally handsome or someone who simply exudes sexiness.
Please keep in mind that they did say the sexy word.
Apparently, there are so many hot, hot, hot Republican men that it had to be divided into categories.
Get a load of this one …
Didn’t you just throw up in your mouth a little bit?
Oddly, the three Texas men on the list are my favorites, too.
Thanks to Irene and John for the heads up.
Oh, my lord, they can’t be serious. Gohmert as number 2???? Read some of the captions on the pictures on that site, they can’t be for real.
1Please tell me this is actually from The Onion! The Louis Gohmert entry is a dead giveaway…
2I didn’t throw up a little in my mouth.
But I have been puking my guts out. And I can’t stop. I’m dry heaving now.
JJ, how could you do this to me?
Please Allah, make it stop.
PS-Allah, if your creation is perfect, who in the heck created these whacked out Politichicks?
3“All babies are cute.” Loopy Louie, Cruz and Perry are the exceptions to prove that rule.
In lieu of brain bleach, encourage everyone to think of sweet infants, puppies and kittens to soothe the brain.
4Loopy Louie – number 2?? How they look is on the list! On the other hand number 2 has a whole other meaning that makes more sense.
5Dear JJ’s Braintrust:
6Clearly these “chicks” have laid an egg here. Louie Gohmert will be “hot” in hell but prior to that glorious day I can NOT imagine a woman or a man thinking of this dope as desirable. Where do
Texan’s come up with some of these Republicans? All that said,
I am really hoping for Ted Cruz to try to muscle into the 2016 race.
I am completely baffled by the Ted Cruz thing: was he not born in Canada?
7Dammit, JJ! I just spit coffee all over my laptop screen.
Are the folks who created this list deaf, dumb and blind? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that….)
Jeez!
8I wouldn’t f$%^ any of them with someone else’s vagina.
9Oh no.
I mean, seriously. I just enjoyed lunch, & now I am being made to regret the fresh jalapeños. Fie. Foo.
Ugh
10grammy, I saw it all explained on the interwebs the other day. Ted was born in Canada to an American mother; thus, he’s American. Obama was born in America to an American mother, so he’s Kenyan. Understand it now?
11To be a member of Politichicks you have to be deaf, dumb, and blind.
12The list order in the article isn’t quite the same as here. (Louie’s #10) But it’s just as stupid. And the photo of Ted Cruz with tatoos all over his bare chest and what looks like a cigarette in his mouth? What’s up with that?
13Are we sure we haven’t been punked?
Weird.
But Republican and weird is a redundancy.
Having washed my mouth out, I am going to CuteOverload.com to look at some kittens and wash my brain out.
14Top ten conservative authors list is even funnier–Dinesh D’Souza (aka Distorta D’Newsa)? Seriously, this panel of judges need their heads examined (as well as their eyes). Poor Charlie Krauthammer only made the also-rans!
15Koch brothers do not have enough money to make any of those guys sexy.
16@glf: and employed as a MLB umpire.
17Pass the Pepto please!
18Years ago I owned a gag book entitled “How to Be Italian.”
It featured a full page photo of Richard Nixon and another of Pat Nixon with the heading: “Typical WASP Man” and “Typical Wasp Woman.”
On the next two pages were full photos of Marcello Mastrione (well I can’t spell his name but you know who I mean) and Sophia Loren, entitled “Typical Italian Man” and “Typical Italian Woman.”
The Politichicks should have titled their entries, “Typical Republican Men.”
19JJ:
I gotta quit reading you after lunch.
Maybe another Zantac will help.
I hope so.
20I kept looking for some kind of sarcasm thingy, but it appears that the ladies are serious. Bless their hearts.
21Ewwwwwww!
22The Cosmo spread is next month. are past samples:
http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=HN.607996172010325019&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0
http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=HN.607999367469271633&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0
23So the criteria do not include staying within your own species?
24I agree with RP 1000%. If the list had been labeled “self-delusional losers,” it might have made some sense.
25At first I thought that putting Gohmert on any Hottest list was insanity.
Then I thought about it. It still seems strange, but you must remember that the pool these ladies are drawing their candidates from is the shallow end of the gene pool.
26This has to be a poe. It just has to be. Nobody could be that stupid. Or blind. Or deaf. I’m going to go snuggle a puppy now.
27#1. Intelligence. Having any automatically disqualifies you from the Party, but to make this list you must be exceptionally stupid.
#2. Courage. This is what having no tact, taste or stop button is called in Right Wingnuttia.
#3: Passion. This is defined as having no tact, taste or stop button AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS.
#4: Sense of humor. The ability to mock people in a mean, nasty, small way that is not actually funny. Must absolutely lack any sense of irony or self-reflection, as this may actually lead the entire list to suicide.
#5: Looks. Whatever. Given the small selection, and the shallow gene pool, take what you get and be thankful for it.
In related news, Rand Paul demands a recount, Newt Gingrich issued his own list with himself in all 10 spots, Lindsey Graham wants to join Politichicks selection committee, and Scott Brown is insisting they misspelled his name as “W-a-l-k-e-r.”
28I’m thinking that the people who made the list are the ones who were raised with an emphasis on marrying someone with money because — Cheez Whiz! — if those guys are hot….Sheesh!
29Hot conservative? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? Sort of like Republican integrity.
30Hmm, Don A, how many of these guys actually did marry into money? That might tell the world a whole helluva lot about these specimens.
31Gindy51 at #9 had me laughing out loud and in total agreement!!
That is a whole boatload of nutsacks rotting on the vine!!
32who remembers that Morgan Brittany was on Dallas, with the same publicity photo – 30 years ago!
33There’s no accounting for taste. Remember even the Nazis in occupied France had girlfriends.
Just one question, did the Belles make the list or was it handed to them via FAX?
Hard to see how Hollywood is going to compete with this list.
Oh yeah, pass the barf bag please.
34daChipster rocks!
35So what’s with the “Chicks” names these conservative women use? There are the Politichicks. There is a column written by “The Chicks on the Right”. My theory is that they’re trying to be as unthreatening as possible to conservative right-wing men; to show what good girls they are. Very sad.
36Tastes have a right to differ,but this is just plain gross!
37I’m surprised they didn’t just use the FBI’s most wanted list. At least those people have convictions.
38“So what’s with the “Chicks” names these conservative women use?”
Maybe they’re actually chicks, as in birds.
It makes the Gomert thing make some kind of sense. He was on the farm when they hatched and they imprinted on him. “MAMA! MAMA!”
39I realize that whom different people find [attractive/sexy/hot/etc.] varies. Otherwise there might be only one couple in the world. But this list…!!!
I wonder if he part about humor refers to how many laughs they give others by their words and actions. Although in many cases it’s a sick joke, unfortunately, when one considers the damage they do.
40OK, maybe this is a spoof, and I’m sorry that so many people had their digestion ruined, but I laughed so hard I got hiccups. Gomert?!? Egad!
41Oh PUHLEEZE. I’m gonna go other stuff for awhile and let my brain settle.
42I’m back long enough to say that I looked at that hot chicks list etc. I am speechless. Well, for starters I don’t want to look like any of those chicks. Just for the record, my husband dug out a color photo of me and informed me that he wants THAT picture used anywhere I put my picture because, as he said “you’re a hot young chick”. Now, I am 74 and I don’t know if he should have his vision tested for safety in driving, but it is nice to be told that. And if Gomer what’s his face comes anywhere near me I am going to remember that I’m late for a dental appointment and leave very quickly. Blech.
43Louie oozes something, but I wouldn’t call it sexiness. I think maybe his brains are leaking out.
44West is not a lite colonel having been allowed to resign one step ahead of a court martial which would probably have reduced or stripped him of rank thereby diminishing his government benefits if not landing him in Leavenworth. He’s also a former Representative having been ousted by election from a district specially gerrymandered for him. But the wingnuts insist an calling him by his former rank and position.
45