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We have a local website in Fort Bend that reprints press releases and occasionally does an interview.  Juanita usually checks it on Fridays to see what passes for news in this area.

She was not disappointed today.

“Okay, so here’s the deal.  We’ve got some new construction going on and that, of course, drives God’s little critters out of their homes in nearby fields and prairies.  City folks are shocked poopless over the fact that rats, snakes, and possums live in uninhabited areas besides zoos.  Also, there’s deer, hogs, and armadillos the size of a downtown condo,” Juanita explains.

“So, we’ve got a feral hog problem.  Feral hogs are raccoon smart but ugly as a mud fence.  They also are very fond of your fancy-pants landscaping, being as how they like things better the way God created it.”

“Feral hogs make fine dining.  I am not of the vegetarian persuasion.  I figure that it God didn’t want us to eat meat, he wouldn’t have made it so tasty,” she continues.  “Some mighty fine wedding receptions around here had feral hog as the entree.  But, that’s a whole ‘nother story.”

Here’s the deal —

Within the past five moths, Missouri City began a program to attempt to decrease the number of hogs in the Waterbrook West community after hearing complaints from several residents.

The city authorized two independent contractors to work in the area to trap in the neighborhood and the surrounding property, and other properties as access is granted. So far, 60 hogs have been caught and removed.

The odd part about this news report is that the very people you’d suspect might have some knowledge of the situation, like maybe the State Game Warden, has this as his first idea  —

“Some of the guys hunt them with dogs and on horseback,” said Weiss. “That’s a pretty good solution  to get them out of an area.”

“Okay, so call me crazy, but it seems to me that dogs and guys on horseback with hunting rifles are liable to make a bigger mess in your gated community than even a herd of hogs.  I’ve of a mind to send them over to the elementary school to shoot cows,” she says with eyes rolling.

“So, I suspect that someone suggested this to the Game Warden and the second best he could come up with was this —”

“When people go and do landscaping, the hogs love to come tear it up and search for food,” said Weiss. “I don’t know what the solution is. There’s not one, really.”

“Uh, lookie over here!  Lookie!  I have a better solution,” Juanita says, “for starters we could quit electing them to Congress as Republicans.  Just tell them there’s some open congressional seats in Alabama and – poof – they are outta here.”

“I didn’t get a Junior Game Warden Badge in junior high school for nothin’,” she reminds us.

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