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Newt Gingrich, living proof that even real ugly guys can get lucky sometime, has found Jesus.

Moneychanger John Hagee

Newt went to the Pentecostal church of moneychanger John Hagee – a man who looks remarkably like Newt.  And, like Newt, Hagee left his first wife for a newer, younger model.  Hagee’s the guy who thinks that Katrina was caused by homosexuality and he talks some heavy-duty trash about Catholics.

Newt told the sheep at Hagee’s Cornerstone Church —

“I have two grandchildren — Maggie is 11, Robert is 9,” Gingrich said at Cornerstone Church here. “I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they’re my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.”

“Yeah” Juanita said, “but I’m afraid that if Newt wins, our grandchildren will all be sluts.  And really hateful sluts without jobs, too.”

I guess it’s just a trade-off you have to make.  Secular or slut.  That’s Newt’s worldview.