My Thursday and Friday
I got called at the last minute to help with the Ballot Board in our county. The Ballot Board certifies signatures on the ballots by mail, opens them, and then stacks them for counting by a scantron machine. If a ballot is defective or gets kicked out of the machine, we determine voter intent, if possible. In short, we insure that ballots by mail are counted accurately and fairly. It is tedious but important work.
This was a run off for a primary election.
In our county, a Democrat and a Republican sit across the table from each other and certify that the signature on the outside of the ballot envelope matches the voter registration card and the application for a ballot by mail.
There is a large degree of difficulty in finding a Republican who will sit across the table from me. I do not understand that. I am a nice person who bathes regularly. One Republican claimed that I am intimidating. Can you believe that?
Anyway, if you have a ballot board in your county, volunteer for it because the most interesting damn things happen on a ballot board. I say volunteer because it pays a whole $10 an hour. However, you get to see how poorly your fellow citizens can follow simple instructions.
They go like this: fill out your ballot and put it in the white envelope. Seal the white envelope. Put the white envelope in the larger yellow envelope and seal it in the normal manner anyone seals an envelope,, lick it and stick it. Last, sign your name across the seal on the giant red line with the big damn red arrow beside it.
Oh no. That is too confusing. I swear I got a ballot that had been signed five times, including on the ballot itself. Yea, secret ballot. And there’s the people who want to make opening the envelops a lot of fun for us so they use half a damn roll of tape to seal it. One guy put staples all across the top of the envelope and another finally found use of his giant roll of duct tape he bought for Y2K.
And then there’s the christians, who eel the need to send their ballot with Jesus.
They tuck all manner of religious crap into their ballot, like this.
So here’s the deal. If you feel the insatiable need to put some in your mail ballot, cash will do nicely, thank you very much.
Remember: when Democrats count votes, Democrats’ votes count.
Go volunteer for your ballot board.
“One Republican claimed that I am intimidating. Can you believe that?”
😀 Awesome! Glad to know there’s at least one nacilbupeR that fears the truth. Whoever the umpire is at these soirée should be paying special attention to those who don’t wish to be seated across from you. They’re signalling their intention to cheat.
1Good plan.
2My husband got a letter printed in the Washington Post some years ago about our mail-in ballots which seemed, at least that year, to be more likely to be counted accurately than the machine ballots. We were supposed to fit the completed ballot into the envelope provided, but not fold them. Honey, there was no earthly way to fit those things in those envelopes without folding them somewhere. And you weren’t supposed to shave off the edges of the ballot or tear open and then reseal the sides of the envelope. No how, no way. So we folded because we had no choice, and we never will know if our ballots, or any of them, were properly counted because we “didn’t follow instructions.”
It ain’t always the dumbass who can’t figure out “simple” directions. Though in Texas it may well be so.
JJ, please go on intimidating Republicans. Intimidate at will.
3“One Republican claimed that I am intimidating.”
I find that hard to believe, you seem like such a nice lady on here. ok, one suggestion, keep the M-16 safety in the “on” position, and don’t use the machete to open the envelopes. that ought to calm them down.
so, ok, it was TWO suggestions, sue me!
4Sometimes, it’s the dumbass who can’t WRITE simple directions.
5JJ, you might also tone down the “BWA-hahahha!” and the victory leap onto the tabletop when you tabulate a Democratic vote. However often that happens.
6Oregon votes by mail. Just sayin’.
7Charles: Juanita was opening MAILED in ballots.
Have only done that job once even though I’ve worked elections 8 to 10 times. Not fun, but no “messages” in the ballots I opened.
8Some Republicans find all women intimidating. I think it’s because we have those naughty lady parts.
9Rebilicans would prefer you to dress for success!
Keep sweet too.
10Sigh. Years ago I volunteered to be an Elections Officer, one of those people who hover around the voting machine or whatever is used for voting or are assigned to the “books”, the official list of registered voters for the precinct and sign everyone in.
11It was 12 solid hours for $75 and young as I was, it was draining as hell. The county eventually realized that the reason people were so loathe to “volunteer” was the killing 12 hours. They suddenly had the hot idea to break the hours up and you could have your choice. However, the pay went to hell. That $75 was the huge reason so many on Social Security were volunteering. You’re right, JJ. $10 an hour??? That sounds like a Republican idea, just like the minimum wage should be even more minimum!
Bless your heart, JJ. I hope you recover from this experience and someone gave you a most excellent foot rub after your day was over! They are the best thing for a recovery.
Two years ago, when voting, the young election monitor said to everyone, “Please volunteer to do this job, then I won’t have to bring my mother to help. There’s nobody else.”
12I signed up, but have not heard anything back. I live in a predominately republican ward. Do you think the fact that I am a Democrat has anything to do with it?
Sending in a paper ballot does concern me due to the ability of the “openers”(republicans) to tamper.
I always hand-carry my mail-in ballot down to the County Offices and drop that sucker into the Ballot Box myowndamnself ’cause I don’t trust the P.O. to get it there on time.
13I think our mail has to go clear up to Denver before it gets sent back down to Canon City for delivery!! I’m probably wrong about that … but I just make sure I deliver it myself!!
I’d pay good money to sit across from JJ opening ballots. The amusement factor alone would be priceless.
However, apart from not living in Texas, nobody would take me for a nacilbupeR.
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