My Take On Things

April 15, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

As you’ve probably heard by now, Swiftboater Bob Perry is standing before God this morning trying to explain why the millions he earned building substandard housing on the backs of undocumented and minimum wage workers was spent lying about people and trying to make life harder for children and old people.

It’s gonna be a long day for him because this afternoon he’s got to explain how a man claiming oh so loudly to be a Christian can be so damn mean to God’s children.

People are asking me what’s gonna happen now.  Because, as is well known, I have a crystal ball.  So Madam Swami Juanita is guessing —

1.  Karl Rove will starve to death.  Like a lion raised in captivity, he has no idea how to forage for himself.

2.  I know a couple of Bob Perry’s children.  There is fixing to be a boom in the Texas alcoholic beverage business and brat will be redefined as a positive characteristic.

3.  Texas Republicans are already hunting another pimp-daddy.  Rich men with no morals or ethics are overstocked in Texas.

4.  Bob Perry will not resurrect in three days, to the chagrin of Rick Perry (No relation.  Except for, you know, that money thing) who is whining and crying and slinging snot today.

5.  If you hear thunder today, it’s God saying, “Wrong answer, Bob!”

6.  Hell will be a little hotter by nightfall.

“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”

— Mark Twain

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0 Comments to “My Take On Things”


  1. Ma always said that what goes around comes around. It couldn’t happen to a better sack of bleep. Been waiting for something like this ever since the way Kerry was treated during his run for the presidency.

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  2. TexasEllen says:

    May the lawyers of Texas who involve themselves with the fighting over wills all get Porsche cars.

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  3. I’m just going to agree with Mark Twain.

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  4. Mark Twain didn’t know Bob Perry, but I’m certain he would have enjoyed Mr. Perry’s obituary, as did I. He was the Texas “Boogie Man.”

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  5. Olden Grey says:

    I read this weekend that in England, the Wizard of Oz song “Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead” went to the top of their charts, I think due to the death of the actress who played that part. Perhaps that song applies here as well.

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  6. I recommend sun block SPF12,000,000,000. A tanker load.

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  7. Lorraine in Spring says:

    @Olden Grey That was in honor of the death of Margaret Thatcher, St. Ronnie’s partner in arming Osama bin Laden’s mujahadeen against the Soviet’s invasion of Afghanistan in the 80’s. We know most of them today as the Taliban.

    Margaret Hamilton portrayed the Wicked Witch of The West in WoO and died in 1985.

    Bob Perry at the Pearly Gates. Oh, to be a fly on that wall. I know John Kerry is pretty busy today, but I hope he heard the news and farted in acknowledgment. With the appropriate amount of respect, of course.

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  8. Braxton Braggart says:

    I’m thinkin’ Bob Perry would sure like to have one of those icewater-dispensers-in-the-fridge-door thingies right about now.

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  9. I believe Mark Twain also said, “I could not attend the funeral, but I sent a card saying that I approved of it.”

    I’m reminded of a Non Sequitur cartoon of a man at the Pearly Gates wearing KKK robes. He is being told to “just stand there so the Big Guy can get a good look at you.” He is standing on a small tee-shaped platform and, behind him, the head of a giant golf club is about to descend.

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  10. Sam in Kyle says:

    Good riddance of bad rubbish.

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  11. After goin’ down down down to that burnin’ ring of fire, Bob Perry arrives at Registration. He is pleasantly surprised to be offered a staff position. “We think all of your years of experience can be an asset here,” one of the minions informs him. After a couple of weeks Perry thinks to himself, “hell, this isn’t too bad!” Then, on payday, Beelzebub hands him his first check – – minimum wage, with no benefits. Federal, State, and FICA withholding deducted.

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  12. Even tho people like perry who have sold their souls to obtain the money/power at the unwilling, unknowing, expense of others, I do not hate them because to do so would bring me down to their level. I believe in the goes-around-comes-around here and/or the next life. I do not, however, respect them. And perry reminds me of the camel/needle thingy redux.

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  13. Kenneth Fair says:

    That “Mark Twain” quote wasn’t actually Twain – it was Clarence Darrow, from testimony before a congressional committee in 1926:

    “I have never taken anybody’s life, but I have often read obituary notices with considerable satisfaction.”

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  14. Tex the Vietnam Vet says:

    Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it, Bob? Hang on gwbu$hit and GFY cheney are on their way down to be with you. Save them a cell. Ya’ll can visit, you maggot bastard.

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  15. Brilliant!! I’m not from Texas but I am quite passionate of treating others as you would have done unto yourself. That’s the ONLY Bible passage I remember from many many yrs. of Catholic school. But its all one needs of that old book I say. LOVE this piece. Simply brilliant!

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  16. If I’m proved wrong and there really is a God, I can take comfort from the fact that a whole lot of self-righteous phony Christians like Bob Perry will be getting a mighty big surprise when they meet their maker. Karma is, indeed, a bitch.

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  17. cairocat says:

    Considering Karma?
    Perry’s dead and John Kerry is Secretary of State.
    I file this under “Living Well Is the Best Revenge.”

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  18. bob perry, gov perry , will rogers never met either one

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  19. Warpster says:

    I hate to quibble, but the quote actually came from Clarence Darrow and has been misattributed to Twain, who said nearly everything else worth hearing.

    However, I don’t think I’m alone in thinking the world just gets a little brighter and a lot lighter every time one of these fascists leaves it. I have to believe their real hell is the ultimate realization that they’re going to have to leave this life as naked as they came into it, that all the grasping was for nothing.

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