As y’all know, I live in Tom DeLay’s old district.  My congressvarmint is now Pete Olson, who is Phil Gramm’s puppet, and truly dumber than a sack of hammers and as homely as a mud fence. Those are his high points.

Pete has done nothing to distinguish himself and because the years have not been kind to his hairline or his profile, he continually uses ancient pictures of himself in his Navy uniform, causing everybody to refer to him as Cap’n Pete of Sugar Land Island.  And not in a nice way.  Mean people, which I am not, often ask him, “Where’s Gilligan?”  Okay, so I’m a terrible person and I have done that.  I admit it.  I’m not proud of it.  Okay, so I am proud of it.  But, I don’t brag about it. Okay, so … let’s just forget this whole story.

Pete won’t return my phone calls or my emails because, well, you know, I’m in favor of women being in charge of their own bodies and that it’s perfectly allowable for Barack Obama to be President of the United States.  And maybe the Gilligan thing, maybe that has something to do with it.

So, my two neighboring congresscritters are Ron Paul and, thank you Sweet Jesus,  Al Green.   No, not the singer, the wonderful Congressman.  I have adopted him as my congressman.  I have been blessed to know Al since he was a Justice of the Peace in Houston.  For his whole life, he has been a champion for the last, the lost, and the least.

He got arrested on Friday. With George Clooney.

On Saturday morning, it was my privileged to introduce my friend Al Green to at a packed house of Democrats at Sweetwater Country Club.  They sprung Al from the pokey and got him there on time.

I introduced him as my former friend Congressman Al Green, who got arrested with George Clooney and … did not take me.

I also said that you know we live in a crazy world when Al Green goes to jail before Tom DeLay does.

I’m telling you this story so you’ll know that if you ever get a chance to hear Congressman Al Green speak, grab it.  There are few Honorable people in the United States Congress, but Al is one of them.

And Al, I know you’re reading this.  I love you almost unconditionally.  The one condition is that that the next time you get arrested with George Clooney, your first thought should be “Susan!”  And then, “The first thing I need to do when I get out of these handcuffs to steal Clooney’s shirt right off his back for Susan.”

No, wait, maybe that’s not a good idea in prison.  Never mind.