Maybe They’re ALL Drunk
This weekend, Republican Virginia congressman Tom Garrett announced he would not seek reelection for his seat over charges that he and his wife misused his staff members to run personal errands.
But that’s not why he he’s throwing in the towel. He says he dropped out because he’s an alcoholic.
Garrett spent the weekend being a Drama Hog, which is really saying something in the age of Donald Trump. First, he was going to resign, and then he was not gonna run again, and then – screw it all – he was going to seek reelection after all.
I think he finally settled on not running again. But, it’s only Tuesday so that can change.
Garrett is a member of the House Freedom Caucus. Yeah, those guys. He’s also pretty much a jerk.
He faced heavy criticism in the wake of last August’s Charlottesville white supremacist rally when a picture surfaced on Facebook of him and one of the event’s organizers, Jason Kessler.
Being an alcoholic makes you order around your staff, have them walk your dog, and send them out to get your groceries?
Look, I wish this guy all the luck in the world, and I hope he gets sober. But getting sober doesn’t mean that you won’t be a sumbitch. All it means is that you’ll be a sober sumbitch. I dunno, being a sober sumbitch is even worse, because then you don’t have an excuse.
I’m sure for other congress critters, drinking makes their trousers fall off with women other than their wives.
1Hmmm Tom Garrett Hmmmmmm Freedom Caucus Hmmmmm alcoholic Hmmmm
Tom, dude. I’m old. I don’t have that many f*cks left to give. Soopp for you dude, I don’t give a f*ck. As Yoda would say “Sober or not I dont give a hmmm. Yeesssssss! The dark side I sense in you, be.”
2When he sobers up, perhaps he’ll realize that the Freedom Caucus is about denying freedom to anyone who isn’t a straight white Southern Baptist male.
3Scary trump is sober when he rants. I hope everyone checked out his telephone call into Fox and Friends in April. Now that was scary. Just watch their faces like deer in the headlights!
4I bet this really confuses an awful lot of congress critters on the Hill. Alcoholism has for generations been as common on that site as halitosis. There have even been rumors that have come down over the years that some of the greatest minds in our history were shnockered when they gave their dying floor speeches. Back in Dan’l Webster’s time there was no such thing as staffers. Those old boys lived in boarding houses and usually did not own a dog. If one of them popped out of the time warp today and saw what was going on with the Hill crowd, they would be gobsmacked, which would be quite a thing for a damn ghost!
5Garrett wants to obfuscate his responsibility for abusing his staff by blaming a bottle on a shelf. What is his wife’s excuse for barking marching orders to the staff? In his video taped announcement that he would not run again he stated he was ‘telling the truth’ about being a drunk. Let us count the ways he wasn’t honest about that foible during his election campaign.
6Yeah, his little I-will-not-run-again speech was so “heatfelt.” Uh huh. He said it was the hardest thing he’d ever done. Yeah, because being a jackass was very easy, came naturally.
7Them good ole boys in the Freedumb Caucus are some mean sons of b’s. Mean and sober becomes meaner drunk.
8Garrett’s sense of entitlement comes from being white, male and
rethuglican. Born to put women and minorities in their place with the ultimate aim of subjugation of our nation, these guys are the devils within.