Makin’ a List. Checkin’ It Twice…
By John A. Kwitkoski
Well, folks, it’s a Republican Congress next year! And to help you keep track of their hard work, we thought you might like a handy “To Do” list, suitable for printing.
(Just click on the little one to get the big one, download it, and print it out.)
List the top five things you think Congress should accomplish in 2015 and as they do (Bwahahhahaha… sorry.) you can cross it off the list! Hang it up on your fridge as a constant reminder that Congress will be working for you and moving the country forward. (I’m trying not to laugh here, guys.)
And when they start campaigning in 2016 (Who am I kidding? They’re doing that now!) you can show your friends and neighbors how well Congress did. That should be fun!
(And BTW: If you pop this art into Word, I believe you can type on top of it, save it, and attach it to an email you can send to your Congressional representative to remind him or her what you think Congress should be getting done. They might find that useful! Ya think?)
My Democratic Congresswoman, Ann Kirkpatrick, was not only re-elected but thanks to a huge boots-on-the-ground effort surpassed Romney’s percentage here two years ago. Then her win was by only a few hundred votes. She’s also the first person of that rank with whom I’ve hung out, playing music and just talking in the kitchen. How cool is that?
1Have you seen the list put out (I think by the Wall Street Journal?) of Congress’ priorities vs those of the American PEOPLE?
2Nothing on Congress’ top 10 is on the American public’s top 10.
The moral is VOTE!
Voting is like driving. To go forward, put it in D. To go backward, put it in R.
“American public”? Oh, please. Who do you think paid for all those shiny new congresscritters? Sure wasn’t us.
3I’m not the slightest bit interested in them doing anything. Lately, when they manage to get up some gumption, they convene another BENGHAZI! panel or have the 96th vote to repeal the ACA.
Pass.
4From the GOP Congress’ Standpoint, I’ve got to figure their list looks something like
1) Shut down government, blame Obama
52) Repeal ACA, blame Obama
3) Pass a 2016 budget of $1.00
4) Blame Obama for vetoing #3
5) Set an historical precedent by having every standing committee and several ad hoc committees all investigating Benghazi at the same time, and blaming Obama.
6) Steal from the poor, give to the rich – blame Obama
7) Outlaw the EPA, FDA, OSHA, NEA, ATF, ACORN, the WPA, the CCC, the TVA, and any other alphabet soup which may or may not exist
8) and blame Obama
9) Also Blame Hillary – 2016 is RIGHT around the corner
10) Deny global warming, dooming Florida to change from pen-insula to actual insula (island) but blame Obama pre-emptively for Miami Beach becoming Miami Cove.
The Republican’ts may not have to do a thing about Obamacare
6because SCROTUS may well doom it with their next ruling.
(Those 5 Republican judges have changed it from SCOTUS to
Supreme Court Republican Of The United States.)
The next 2 years are going to be agonizing for those of us who feel so deeply about seeing our country slide back into the dark ages.
1) I want every right wing nut job in congress to expire,but
72) I want them all to take out huge life insurance policies(worth trillions),and
3) make MOI the beneficiary of each policy(paid in cash and in full),furthermore-
4) pass a law that makes my inheritance tax-free forever,and last but not least
5) expedite the whole mess post haste.
ps-I want my viagra free,too. Merry Christmas to Me!!
Dear Mr. Onion:
Thank you for your wish list. It is clearly well though-out and we certainly applaud the audacity, the grasping avarice, the callous disregard for so many lives in the face of profit, and the big wet kisses to the insurance industry and Big Pharma. Add to that your brilliant position on the Death Tax, your preference for Viagra over birth control, and your convenient location in Iowa, and we are pleased to consider you the frontrunner for the GOP Presidential Nomination in 2016.
There is only one flaw in your plan for trillionaire status and world domination. We never die.
We just move on to possess another host.
Your new friends,
The Congressional Tea Party Caucus
PS – Any way you can work guns in there? Then we’d be talking landslide!
8Yep.
9All you guys and gals are screaming funny!
10I’d like to see the congress take more naps. And maybe Boner could watch cute kitty and puppy videos on youtube five or six hours a day. Even if his heart grew a size or two it would still be very small. Assuming he has one. Only his cardiologist knows for sure.
11and to think I tried to convince JJ that daChipster allowed us to have cookies before bedtime whille JJ was absent. I was rilly gonna share all that wealth with anyone not affiliated with wingnuts. Rilly. ps Viagra doesn’t work for deteriorated nerves and muscles from back surgeries. Don’t ask how I know. I just know from ‘sperience. 🙂 To hell with Babe Ruth!
12Said with all love, epo! Here, have another cookie.
Peace,
DaChipsahoy!
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