Louie, It’s Physics, Honey
I know. I know. Don’t punch down. I’ve already been in trouble once this week for making silly about losers, but y’all, it’s Louie Gohmert: My All Time Favorite Loser.
Louie Gohmert
East Texas Congressvarmint and and soon to be unemployed loudmouth idiot (but those jobs are in great demand in East Texas so don’t feel too bad for him) has his own opinion about Commerce Secretary John Bryson wreck this weekend. Louie says it could not have possible have been a seizure.
“It’s really unusual to have a seizure cause you to have one wreck, and then cause you to put your car in gear and keep going until you have another wreck,” Gohmert, R-Tyler, said on American Family Radio. President Barack Obama’s appointed officials “are not the kind of people that you want heading up the country. They’re not honorable, honest people,” he said.
Louie, there’s some new fangled thing out there called auto-ma-tic trans-mission. These fancy new cars don’t have a clutch. Amazing, huh? Think bumper cars, Louie, with one car’s gas pedal strapped to the floor. If you’re having a seizure, putting on the brake is not your first reaction. Hell, Louie, look at yourself. Darlin’, you can’t even put the brake on your pie hole.
There’s also this physics thing that goes, “An object in motion tends to stay in ….” oh what the hell am I saying? You don’t even believe in gravity. You think Jesus grabs us all by the feet to hold us on the ground.
Here’s Louie’s best line about the situation.
“That’s who’s in charge of keeping businesses going: a guy who crashes his car from car to car,” Gohmert said.
No, Honey, you’re thinking of the man who crashes jobs. That would be John Boehner.
Thanks to Mary and Brian for the heads-up.
Poor Louie. Maybe we oughta send him a roll of duct tape, you know, for his mouth?
1Heh. “Fish in barrel” comes to mind . . .
2Does anyone know if Louie has a “guardian”? I don’t know Juanita, I’m with John Gall—he’s way toooooooo easy to make fun of.
Naaaah.
Go ahead . . . .
3Louie, it’s amazing what your mind does to you in these situations, especially if the problem is neurological.
Once upon a time, a young daChipster was waiting in his Camaro outside a college building for the future ex-Mrs daChipster. Parked behind him was his former pediatrician, whose husband was a prof there (Mr & Mrs Dr H). Behind her was a dumpster, next to the building.
Off to the lad’s left, a superannuated professor emeritus left his apartment, climbed into his car and proceeded to back out of his parking space. Back. Back. Back. Hey wait!…CRUNCH!
Into the wheel well of my shiny blue Camaro. Day-umm!
Shaken, the old man opened his car door, extended a leg and proceeded to hit the Mrs Dr H’s car, then passed BETWEEN the dumpster and the building, hitting them both.
In retaliation, the building slammed the car door on his leg!
He continued on, up a curb and into a bush.
My then-fiance-eventually-to-be-ex-wife saw all this happen. I yelled to her to call 911 as I chased after the old man. When I got to his side, he was trying to get the car into reverse to get out of the bush. I reached in and shut off the car and took the keys.
He refused medical treatment from the ambulance, and we and Five-O all went to campus security, where his wife kept insisting “he’s a good driver.” He kept plucking at his pants leg, until Mrs Dr H pulled it up and discovered he was gashed to his shin and was quietly bleeding into his sock.
At only two cars, Secretary Bryson is behind a building, a dumpster, a bush, and a wound requiring 10 stitches to close compared to the old prof, who was still trying to drive to the store when I reached him.
So, Louie, a little compassion would not go amiss here.
But if you were capable of that, you wouldn’t be so you, would you?
4Ya’ll, please.
5Stop picking on Louie. He’s been educating East Texas goobers about caribou dating at the Alaska pipeline and stuff for years.
They’re smarter because of him and they show it at the polls.
Soon to be unemployed? Does that mean there is a least a chance of electoral defeat or his retirement to whatever greener pastures are waiting for his ilk?
6That’s Louie! Doing his best impression of Doctor/ Senator Frist (of Terri Schivo fame) practicing medicine without meeting the patient. At least Senator Frist had a license to practice medicine. But since Louie’s in East Texas, I guess he only needs a hunting license to practice his special brand of stupidity.
7Besides being a Gynecologist, he is now a Neurologist?
Who knew?
8He should have no trouble getting a job since he has so many areas of expertise.
Methinks Loonie Louie’s Study of Physick would have advanced beyond applying of leeches by now.
9Gomer Gohmert has an extremely well-qualified Democratic opponent in November, Dr. Shirley McKellar of Tyler. Here’s hoping! But if I’m any judge of my East Texas “brethren,” the very fact that Gohmert gets “mentioned” for ANY REASON gives him “star quality” that locals seem to admire…and with the Rethuglican “title” by his name,around here that’s all that’s needed.
10Louie got his MD out of a box of stale Cracker Jacks many years ago.
11I remember when the Prince of Darkness Bob Novak crashed his Vette a couple of times. That was funny for a whole minute until it turned out he had a brain tumor. It’s a good idea to wait a day or two before piling on, no matter who it is.
12Juanita Jean, I’ve said it before, never let East Texas law enforcement take over because of their lack of experience. No homicide experience due to no dental records and all the DNA is the same. And I don’t trust Louie as a doctor either: delivering all those babies and not realizing that the parents are siblings??????
13Please tell me the good people of Tyler and Gomer’s district will see fit to get rid of this imbecile in November, please.
14I grew up in Tyler and know people that still live there. They are “good” people, but seem to have lost the parts of their brains that use logic and reason. My high school friends that left Tyler seem to have more open minds and the ability of critical thinking, but not so the ones still there.
15One posted in facebook that “our wonderful Louis Gohmert” would be at some event.
I have no hope he’ll be voted out.
C’mon, y’all. Not totally fair to pile on East Texans. Heaven knows what kind of city councilperson we’ll get from my part of Austin when we switch to geographical representation. But then, there’s state rep Leo Berman, former Tyler mayor. If you think Debbie Riddle was an evil troglodyte on immigration policy, take a look at Leo. And I did live off Hwy 271 between Tyler and Gladewater for 20 yrs, so you’re bringing back memories. Anyone remember Ted Kamel? Ran for state rep on the “traditional family values” platform. But then one of the Dems came up with court records where Ted’s ex-wife had sued him for back child support. However, the ex-wife came out in public saying, no, no, Ted was all paid up and was a good father. (Always wondered if she was paid off beyond the child support.) So “traditional family values” now meant you paid your child support on time. Yeah, Ted got elected. And made Texas Monthly’s list of the 10 worst legislators.
16Really, though, there’s also Kevin Eltife, one of the truly more reasonable GOPers in the state senate. And I’ll stand by a lot of great folks I knew in Smith and Gregg counties–and most of them still live there.
Montag honey, Louie is one of the leeches in chief! That’s where his medical experience comes from. And now I need a good cupping, sigh. Oh well, the sun’s over the yardarm somewhere…
17(…you never close your eyes any more when I hm hm hm-mm-mm…..)