I know I appear to be obsessed with East Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert, but Louie is obsessed with acting crazy.  I love people like that.

For those of you new here, East Texas is pines, poverty, and Pentecostals.  They flat out love Louie because he’s a pinhead, keeping with their whole P themed thing.

Louie made the Washington Post for his views on how the Alaskan pipeline is going to help caribou get lucky.

No, seriously, Louie is now an expert on caribou sparkin’ and canoodlin’ even though there were no caribou in East Texas even during the ice age, which is something Louie ought to know because that’s when he was born.

Even with Alaska Representative Don Young sitting next to him openly laughing at Louie’s theory that caribou love the heat the pipeline produces so it becomes their bachelor pad, Louie could not contain himself.

It seems that Gohmert is also something of an expert on animal husbandry. Here’s his theory: The caribou very much enjoy the warmth the pipeline radiates. “So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline,” he informed his colleagues. It’s apparently the equivalent of being wined and dined. And that has resulted in a tenfold caribou population boom, he concluded.

No, he’s not kidding.  Louie thinks that shutting down the pipeline will keep caribou from doing the wild thing.  Because they like heat.  Which is why they live in Alaska.  In the tundra.

Hey, y’all, I’m just telling you this in case you’re ever caught in an elevator with Louie Gohmert.  No matter what, do not generate heat.  Lord only knows what it does to Louie but it could not be something good.

Thanks to Anthony for the heads-up.