Louie!
As you probably know, Louie Gohmert got fined $5,000 for sneaking into the House floor without going through screening.
Stop yourself real quick if you were having the notion that Louie was going to stand for something, anything, that might require courage. Nope.
I have to stop right here and tell you a story. Years ago, a kinda floozie lady in my town got her purse stolen off the front seat of her car while she dashed into the post office. Our town was so small then all crime got reported with a full description in the newspaper. Her’s, with her name fully spelled out, reported a stolen purse worth $45. Inside the purse was a wallet with $11 in cash, a hairbrush worth $6, some “personal products” with no monetary value listed, and makeup worth $376. I would have lied. I would have. Or, I would have just eaten the loss, not wanting people to know that I need the much expensive makeup. To this day, every time I see her, I start adding up her face.
Louie’s “excuse” was that he left the house floor to go to the bathroom and it wasn’t like the Godfather where they hide guns in the bathroom because there’s not tanks on the toilets in the congressional bathroom.
Lemme stop here and say that I think it would be totally proper to screen him to see if he washed his hands, too.
Well, now that Louie has pondered on it, he’s decided to challenge the constitutionality of screenings, so the first thing he did was issue a press release.
“Since I had been complying with the metal detector requirement despite the Constitutional issue, I was surprised to receive a notice today stating that I had not complied with their policy and that I would be fined $5,000.
“I will be appealing the fine and taking whatever action is necessary, especially considering this policy is unconstitutional.
He should have lied and said that’s why he did it in the first place. Louie doesn’t have $5,000. Nobody knows where all Louie’s money goes, but he’s among the poorest people in congress. He just barely keeps his nose above water.
And here’s a hint to the court hearing his appeal: Louie was a judge in east Texas for years. Why is it unconstitutional for him to be scanned but not for all those people who came to the courthouse to be scanned to protect him?
Oh Louie.
I have to admit I don’t speak or understand the gohmert language. Must be a Texas thing. Trying to understand the connection between the need to pee and the need to hide a gun from the metal detectors. I wonder if his aim is as good with his gun as his peeing.
1He was a judge? That’s scary.
Why do I think Gohmert fills out his financial disclosures with all of the intelligence and effort he puts into legislative work or his press releases?
2Next thing is he’ll claim it was a campaign stunt so his campaign fund can pay for it.
3Loopy Louie is such a speshul snoflake.
As far as checking Louie’s hands after his potty break [urk], only with a powerful UV light* at a suitable distance; ugg, can’t imagine him being fully potty-trained even now, as an old ratbastard.
* UV light, on sale at Newegg, $14, for a few more hours today. So get one quick [yes, I’m ordering some, for gifts and one for me] :
100 LED UV Ultraviolet Light Blacklight Flashlight Lamp Torch Inspection Light:
https://www.newegg.com/p/054-023K-00005?Item=9SIABFBBG86480
“Perfect for use in inspection applications, security control, rodent contamination, hotel room inspection, and much much more. Emits 395 nanometer wavelength 100 UV LED which allows a much larger area to be inspected.
4—Makes urine stains and other bodily fluids fluoresce!—
Perfect for outside use such as hunting scorpions and minerals! Water and shock resistant! Perfect for leak detection (when used with UV dye)! Rugged, machined aluminum construction with knurled design!
Due to the intensity of this UV LED device UV protective glasses are recommended.”
Poor Louie. With the entry of the Quack-a-Non Caucus the old boys in the Freedumb Caucus are losing their mojo. When Liz “I hate everyone not of the .01%” Cheney is the voice of reason, the Crazy Town train is heading into the bend at top speed.
Then again, the QOP has been driving the country into the ditch with every Con president after Eisenhower. This should be it. But the question remains: will it be?
5Since Louie is facing serious competition in the “Biggest Idiot In Congress” category from Greene and Boebert, he has to up his game.
6Louie’s among the poorest people in Congress? All these years in politics and he still hasn’t learned the art of corruption?
7Question for Louie:
Is his morning constitutional, Constitutional?
8I know this is totally OT, but as the super bowl winds down (I’ve only been checking the score cuz I don’t really give a shit- probably the first time in years I haven’t at least watched part of it), I am wondering if Tom Brady will go to the White House or mar a logo?
9I did watch puppy bowl with my best friend. It was a closer game.
Taking Louie at his word, all of this probably could be avoided if he would have taken along the pot he pees in. Trouble is, he’s so deeply in debt that he no longer has a pot to pee in.
10Here’s the great part – in the meantime the $5000 will be taken out of his salary.
11