Looks Gay To Me. Probably a Socialist, Too.
I want you to meet Elton.
He’s a real cutie. But, he’s gay.
Up in Tennessee, Elton’s owner dropped him off at a pet shelter that euthanizes dogs. The owner had proof that Elton was gay because he caught Elton humping another male dog.
In that case, my dog Truman is a human. He is also a squeeky toy, and once or twice a particularity docile statue of a donkey in my backyard.
I can tell by the look in Elton’s eyes that he’s also a communist and a liberal television star.
Thelma suspects that Elton’s owner knew that Elton wasn’t gay but was just jealous because Elton humped the owner’s favorite dog to hump. And the dog liked Elton better. Jealousy is a cruel mistress, Eton.
I am proud to announce that Elton found a loving home and can hump his life away in peace.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
Do you suppose Elton’s owner would have thought it objectionable if Elton had humped the female members of his litter?
“Poor ole Wanda June never got hitched. Fellers’d find out she’s a virgun, and hell, if she ain’t gudenuf fer her own family!
1Oh, good grief. Dogs hump to show dominance. Like the grand ol’ party doesn’t do the same?
2Whooo-eee! Don’t let that dude anywhere near a group of baboons, rhesus monkeys, or any other group of animals where mounting is a display of dominance. Hint, that applies to dogs, too. My neutered dog Joe was (until he died last year) continually trying to mount the similarly neutered Sheba.
The same thing happens in prison environments filled with human males — it’s not about sex, it’s about dominance.
3Isn’t this what Perry and the TEA Partiers do to the state on a daily basis? Can we euthanize them or at least neuter them with a butter knife? I know it won’t stop the humping but it would be fun.
4Oh, the insanity … I doubt the owner made any connection to a dog being named Elton and say … Elton John, who is definitely gay! I saw the article about this on-line yesterday or the day before … it made my brain go numb so I can’t remember the particular day!!
5Yes, as a veterinary technician, I can attest that humping is about dominance, not sex. Our small female bichon used to do it to our (extremely tolerant) large female chow chow to keep her in line.
Best outcome possible, as far as I’m concerned. Nobody wants a macho dominant dog to belong to this kind of jerk. He’s obviously not up to it and will do better with a more, shall we say, ladylike dog.
And the name Elton didn’t escape me, either.
6When JimBob picked his puppy from the litter, he made sure to get the whitest one, thought he was all set, and then the dog had to go gay on him… He wasn’t sure what the people at the shelter meant when he overheard one of them say, “in this case it’s probably not genetics, most likely environment.”
7Why is it that the people who are the most opinionated (and mean) on sexual issues are the ones who know the least about sex?
8“Some people are saying” here in Nashville, they have seen St.Sen. “Don’t Be Gay” Not-Out Boy who is not married and has no kids – Stacey Campfield is seen constantly humping Lt. Guv Ron Ramsey’s leg in the statehouse – “Many people” are wondering WHY these two have not been placed in the dogpound for the same fate they were trying to give to Elton~
9My dog Nova is neutered & he tries to hump other dogs at the dog par (sometimes). What does that make him & me for owing him?
10Betcha Elton’s former owner thinks his, er, “humpin” his wife is about dominance too. Betcha it’s not about much else!
11My God, this owner had such a hard time dealing with a normal male dog…hyenas would just make his head explode*. Anyone want to pay for a trip to the zoo for the man?
—-
12*For anyone who doesn’t know this fun trivia fact, all hyenas have penises and testicles — even the females. And the females tend to dominate hyena packs, and show their dominance, by humping -everything-.
Dogs can’t be gay. They don’t have opposable thumbs and everyone knows, gay people like to do the two snaps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA0E-8tveJc
13Elton’s a cutie. Oh, I’m sorry, handsome.
14That sort of humping devalues doggie marriage everywhere.
15I sure hope this guy doesn’t have any gay kids.
16Or any kids of any description.
17He must have found his lipstick in his doggy bed, just sayin…
18I knew a lady who must have loved her washing machine, but only when it was in the spin cycle. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t want to sleep with any Maytag that comes along.
19