.

Sometimes you just need to take the bridle off, throw away the skillet, and let the panther scream.

It’s time.

Remember the time we all piled onto a bus, drove to an entirely different district, fraudulently gave our home addresses as the local Dunkin’ Donuts shop, and then proceeded to vote a godless gay activist into office? Neither do I.

But Florida state Rep. Dennis Baxley (R.-but you already knew that) claims he does. Baxley is sponsoring a bill to make it harder for people (especially those most likely of the Democratic persuasion) to vote. Among his motivations—besides upholding Florida’s fine reputation for voting integrity—is to prevent a repeat of a story that Baxley claims he heard.

In Baxley’s anecdotal universe, “a homosexual activist candidate” imported other gay people from outside the district and had them use the address of Dunkin’ Donuts shop when they showed up to vote because the state allows change of address at the polling place. The upshot: they stole the election from the “pro-family” candidate.

We’re not saying we doubt the story (well, alright, we are), but Dunkin’ Donuts???? When is the last time you saw a gay person at a Dunkin’ Donuts? Is there a W Hotel Bar in Baxley’s district by any chance? You’d think Starbucks would be the bare minimum for this kind of gay vote stealing conspiracy.

That is the perfect story.