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This is about local stuff but it’s pretty funny.

We have a guy around here who has literally been banned from living in certain neighborhoods because he has been adjudicated to be a jerk.  In a court of law.  That’s hard to do in Texas because we specialize in jerks.

His name is Chris Calvin and he’s a nincompoop.  He’s like a three year old with fingerpaints.  He makes a helluva mess and ruckus but the final product ain’t considered art.

Juanita banned him from commenting here because he broke all the rules within the first two hours of the beauty salon opening.  Calvin still continues to comment – sometime 5 or 6 times a day, all under different names – but Juanita has them sent directly to her lawyer just in case he does step over the “Oh No You Didn’t” line.  Juanita doesn’t even read his comments because they once melted her favorite pair of cat eye rhinestone reading glasses.

“He’s like those guys who do dreadful things and then people see the stuff he’d done before he did the dreadful thing and everybody asks why somebody didn’t intervene because it was obviously that he was headed for dreadful like double geared lightening,” Juanita explains.

Chris Calvin is the King of Sockpuppetry.  He has several websites, all anonymous, and has used at least 50 different names to try to comment here.  His scam is to write a comment and then write 20 comments with make-up names and made-up email addresses, all agreeing with the first comment.  “Hell,” Juanita says, “I don’t even agree with myself 20 times in a row.  Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll change my mind twice.”

Anyway, the reason that this Chris Calvin thing suddenly became fun is that he lives in the underworld, never using his real name or coming out in public.  He scampers around in the dark, like a cockroach, contaminating the good stuff.

Until now.

Glamorous newspaper publisher Bev Carter caught the guy stealing yardsigns and spreading lies.  Well, truth be know, she got a neighbor to take a picture of him doing it.  You’ll enjoy reading about it.

Calvin is all prissy about a city election – in a city where he doesn’t live.

So, if you read anonymous comments on any blog or beauty salon about Fort Bend County, except this one or Hal’s, just assume it’s Crazy Chris Calvin talking to himself, because it probably is.

It’s nice to catch a snake.  Job well done, Bev.