Kinda Like A Cross Between Ramadan and Weight Watchers
Now look what the gays have done.
Join us for 40 Days of Prayer, Fasting and Repentance for Marriage from August 27 through October 5, 2014. Our state and nation are mired in confusion and post-modern thinking and nowhere is this more evident than in the current debate raging about what constitutes marriage. The Supreme Court begins their session on October 6th. We fully expect them to take a marriage case sometime in the next year. Our 40 Days will culminate on October 5th just before the court begins their session.
They even have a nice little sign for your front door. Click the little one to get the big one, or not.
No, seriously, they want you to go without eating for 40 days and offer this helpful guide.
Forty days seems like a lot, but – considering the length of a lifetime and in comparison to eternity – it is only a moment in time. The Scriptures record many stories that exemplify how God changed a people and a nation in 40 days.
But there’s like very cool supernatural food.
You may find it difficult to surrender your food to the Lord, and, especially in the beginning, you may first need to fast (surrender) your time. As you grow in the discipline of spending time with the Lord, He will build a desire and a strength that will allow you to set aside your natural food for His completely fulfilling supernatural food.
Damn gays. Making me eat manna instead of barbeque.
Thanks to Brian for the heads up.
Heaven forbid with think post-modern. I prefer my thinking to be before modern times.
1I wonder if they have a “Plan B” when prayer and fasting don’t work?
2Kudos, Ralph.
3A lot of them could use a 40 day fast.
4I am already very repentant about marriage.
5“Trumpet and Torch Ministries” sounds a little heavy on the torch.
Miss Juanita Jean, I’ll be happy to eat your share of the barbecue for forties days along with a few Surf & Turf. What would you like me to drink with it for you?
6“As you grow in the discipline of spending time with the Lord, He will build a desire and a strength that will allow you to set aside your natural food for His completely fulfilling supernatural food.”
And just like Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and the other weight loss scammers, you can get the six weeks supply of “meals*” for a largish chunk of cash.
* In this case, spiritual food; and what could be easier, no cooking, no clean-up and STILL you’re filled with the SPIRIT.
7These Forty Dayers are gonna thank their lucky stars for the ACA when they all end up with Rickets, Scurvy, and eating disorders…
8I’ll bet they can convene the entire fasting group in a broom closet. (I’d say a “phone booth” but fear the young ‘uns wouldn’t understand.)
9That choking sound you hear is me immitatin’ ol’ Shrub and aspiratin’ a pretzel when I read this.
The gagging sound is the Great Spirit’s reaction to the holier ‘n thou crowd trying to legalize/legitimize discrimination and second-class citizenship for my tribe.
They’ll have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do before they get a pinkie past the pearly gates, I’d bet!
BTW, Jesus told me personally he loves good BBQ, the ultimate superfood, and he don’t cotton to efforts to keep people away from it, though he is solidly behind this effort for repentance, especially from this group, who only believes we’re all equal in God’s eyes only if the “we” is white, evangelical and straight.
10Look at the bright side, with the buffer zones removed from Planned Parenthood, what shape will these folks be in to protest the clients??
11Didn’t they have a day of fasting once in Houston? It lasted all of 3 hours if memory serves me right.
12@Ralph: Right. at a very young age in a furren country I learned “Plan A” only survives about 3 or 4 minutes of contact. Plan B is a must have. Plans C through L probably need to have been considered.
13I already did Lent this year and my prayers were answered with the spread of marriage equality. These guys are a day late and dollar short in the collection plate.
And what’s “HOOLY”?
14I’m no expert on fasting, but that sounds like a dangerously long time to go without food. I would hate for some naive fanatical wingers to try a 40-day fast and end up malnourished, which is no joke. I may not agree with their politics, but I hate to see people throw their health away like that. But it is their choice to starve themselves, for all the impact it will have on Marriage Equality.
15HOOLY! Ha, ha, Lorraine, that is hilarious. More like HOOEY, in my humble opinion.
16I hope those folks are giving out better instructions on fasting than this. Forty days without food will put most people in the hospital. Forty days without enough water will kill people.
. . .and I see Mrs. J got there first.
17For those dimwitted enough to starve themselves, it won’t take 40 days. Your organs will have shut down long before that.
18Your life and your marriage will be finished.
How does that celebrate anything?
Think, people, think!
Hey fasters, can I have your Oreos?
19The definition of ‘fasting’ seems very elastic, you can fast from booze, or sugar, or meat or solid foods or soda pop. Skipping a meal is fasting. The Lord will speak to you directly.
I hear a voice telling me to abstain from boiled onions, tripe, cigars and butter substitutes. I have decided to make it a life long ‘fast’ for universal equality
20Holy Crap.
21~
I’m thinking they’re thinking something more like Ramadan: don’t eat while the sun shines. Just don’t tell them that’s what the Muslims do.
22Bananas, the “burning bush” is telling me to step aside, see if these alleged fasting freaks actually toss anything usable aside to donate to those who would appreciate the items. Gleaning is good.
Maybe we can convince the militia slobs to melt down their lead and brass for their Jesus.
23Frankly, this is the best idea to come from the radical right in a very long time. If they will just all fast for forty days, many of the nation’s problems would be solved.
BTW, the phrase “Repentance for Marriage” actually sounds as though they’re against marriage entirely.
24Okay if we can’t have Muslim martyrs by starvation, we can’t have Christian. I say shackle’em, shove a feeding tube up their noses and down the throat, and force feed them mush.
25I particularly like the use of two wedding rings to spell “Hooly”.
26Hooly spirits, hooly ghosts, hooly matrimony. I think most of the bibles I have seen may be a different translation. 🙂
LynnN, the evidence is there that the ammosexuals are against the “rule of law” they proclaim to love, or why would they take out contracts on their spouses or shoot them rather than divorce proceedings?
For sure someone with greater insight than me can explain why the control freaks do what they do, be they Cheney or the little man roadside idiot.
Haven’t forgotten you Marge Wood. New bumper sticker: “ready weapons, meet disaster.”
27@That Other Jean #17 – Thanks for the mention. I looked at a couple of pages on the website that JJ linked to. There might be actual information about fasting itself, but most of what I read sounds very cult-like in its emphasis on denying yourself food in the name of the Lord. However, there is this medical disclaimer that says you can modify your fasting based on your own physical needs:
http://www.trumpetandtorch.org/?ParentKey=10&pageID=44
How many of these religious fanatics will actually read the disclaimer in the midst of dozens of paragraphs of authoritarian warnings about obeying the Word of God? Buried in the disclaimer is this sentence — which will no doubt come up in court when the organization gets sued by someone whose relative died from the fanatical fasting:
“While the author [of this medical disclaimer] has been led by the Lord to fast in the traditional sense, which calls for restricting solid foods from the diet, the process described in this website does not require the elimination of food for the Lord to accomplish His work in the life of the believer who commits to seeking Him wholeheartedly.”
28sigh. Well, I haVe a neighbor who says he goes on 40 day fasts. He makes up for it later. And I fasted once for a whole day. I’m dangerous if I fast. Oh, and there was the three months in the hospital when (I am not kidding) there were times when I ccould not eat for a whole week but just suck cold water from a wet rag. It’s a great way to lose weight. I would not care to do it again. I’m sorry but I don’t trust those people. I bet they sneak M&Ms after bedtime.
29“It is our prayer that these devotional journeys will encourage you to suspend your usual schedule in order to meet the Lord for breakfast, lunch, and dinner – every meal, every day. Do not skip any meals. Just like missing a physical meal may cause your body to become weak, missing a meal with the Lord weakens you spiritually. Sacrificing physical food is not really the emphasis of this fast. Rather, the priority is holding fast to the Lord and clinging to Him throughout the day. We lay the sacrifice of precious time on the altar so that He may fill us with His Daily Bread.”
30I do not think they will really give up any food at all.
Well, Mary in Austin, you summed it all up nicely. And PKM, maybe i need to paint those sayings onto signs. I did the one sign saying PEACE IS STILL THE ANSWER. It’s in our front yard. I think I prolly won’t do a lot of the sayings that I’m tempted to do, since peace is still the answer. I figure that one alone will keep the lady across the street reminded of why she doesn’t like me.
31From my eclectic reading habits, I think I pretty much know how this goes. 1) Through some action you physically and/or metaphorically separate yourself from society. 2) Through one or several forms of mortification – starvation, hair shirt, cingulum, sweat lodge – you change your body chemistry. 3) You meditate exclusively on the stuff your elders want you to meditate exclusively on. 4) After a while, you are “granted a vision” (i.e. hallucinate) and surprise! surprise! it is your spirit guide animal, or Jesus, or an angel, or your dead Uncle Franklin, come to give you a message, purpose and the meaning of life. Which corresponds identically to the stuff your elders want you to meditate on. 5) You return joyfully to your church, tribe and/or clan as a full initiate into the mysteries of yadda yadda yadda. 6) You can now resume the actual or metaphorical slaughter of infidels with a renewed zest and purpose.
Because Dead Uncle Franklin said so.
32Good idea. All the food they don’t eat can go to feed the poor, the children seeking asylum, and our veterans that Congress feels have outlived their usefulness by coming home from war and actually expecting to find a job.
33I will start thinking about taking them seriously when they speak of marriage sanctity when they boycott the sponsors of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Wife Swap, and drive through chapels in Vegas.
I also have a sneaky feeling that one of the sponsors of this will come up with a “fast approved” nutritional drink around August 5th. Available at Christian book stores, Hobby Lobby outlets, Walmarts, and Sam’s Clubs everywhere.
34I may try it…..
My goal would be that sarah palin shuts up!
35Diane, the Wicked Witch of the Tundra has a shriveling funds dilemma. If not for Flop Noise, she’d already be silent.
Please dear goddesses soon, very soon will the she devil shrivel into blessed silence. I would never hit anyone, especially an old man, but Grumpy McLame still has some ‘splaining to do for that opening of the proverbial Pandora’s Box, before he shoots off his pie hole.
With luck, his gig will be over soon, if owners of media outlets grab a clue as to how lazy their schedulers are. Once a week, slap repeat pays how much?
36Will they also be serving Koolaid for the obvious thirst they will have? We can only hope!
37What flashed through my mind as I read this? I pictured (in gruesome detail) the People of Walmart attempting to fast. During Ramadan, no less.
That said, recent research says that a three day water fast “resets” the entire immune system, and can be very beneficial.
I’ll be fasting on Tuesday. If you’re interested, I’ll explain. (Hint: it has nothing to do with marriage or Jesus.)
38Zyxomma #38: Me, too. It’s the 17th of Tammuz.
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/479885/jewish/About-the-17th-of-Tammuz.htm
39If losing the weight saves a few of them long enough to realize that love and marriage isn’t a zero sum game, then maybe it will be worth it…
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