Kary Story
My friend Kary is a theater producer, native Texan, avid Democrat, Vietnam war hero, and highlarious social commentator. Every now and then I share a Kary story with y’all. Kary’s job requires him to travel often and stay for weeks on end to get a show ready. He sends me glorious stories from the road.
He was in America’s heartland this week in Peoria, Illinois, which he describes as “beige.” He says the people are nice, but …
I have huge issues with the South, as you know…..but, honey …there’s food, grit, fun, crazy, interesting, food, liquor, color and character. Midwest = BEIGE.
I will stop here and let you know that Kary is not fan of beige. Be loud, be obnoxious, be tangerine orange and hot pink, but never be beige.
This trip —
The Sons of the American Revolution are staying in the hotel. OMG! Old, old, OLD white men….a few walking around dressed in (bad) 1776 drag! I got in the elevator last night at 11:30 (we work till 11) with an old couple. He was clearly three sheets to the wind. I cheerfully said, “Where you guys from?” He mumbles….”Quad cities”. (Illinois). I said, “Oh, I lived in Linconlshire (Illinois) for 20 years. I live in Maryland now.” He snarls, “People in this hotel are from the government. You from the government?”
“No,”, I cheerfully replied. “But I just got married September the 7th and I AM gay.” The doors opened, and I said, ‘Ya’ll have a REAL nice night, now.” And exited.
Kary taught me the best lesson of life: if you don’t leave people with their mouths hanging open, you’re not doing it right.
Meh. Kentucky is across the Ohio river from Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio. It might as well be in the midwest, especially Peoria.
1That’s lovely! But it does require the talent to think of the jaw-dropping comment in time, not five minutes later. Theater people practice that skill. Me, I’m a writer, and I come up with the right response WEEKS later.
2To Elizabeth: Then honey, WRITE IT DOWN! A good comeback is a treasure ANY time you think of it. And you just may have the workings of a good little book. Trust me, I’d buy a copy!
3tee-hee… Kary is my kinda guy!
‘Ya’ll have a REAL nice night, now.”
Wish I was a fly in that elevator when the doors closed. Too bad there’s no video.
4Kary, that was the exit line of the century. Hooray for you!
5I gotta wonder if this is what my mother meant when she told me to do one astonishing thing every day. Hmmmmm.
6Should have said “Yes, I’m from the government, and I’ve ben authorized to gay marry anyone in this elevator with me. Congratulations and honey, you may kiss the groom!”
7HEHE…
8I had just finished reading the above story.
We have city elections on Tues.
We have a Rick Perry running for Mayor, makes me sick just every time I look at the sign.
Several of us have noticed that NONE of the signs for any of the candidates indicate if they are republicans or democrat. This is new.
Well, I got a phone call asking for my support for Rick Perry. I politely asked if he were a democrat or republican.
The women hesitated and said, :he’s a republican”.
Well, trying to live up to Kary, I told the women that , “I will never vote for a republican, their politics absolutely disgust me.”
9I heard a gasp and then I hung up, quietly.
My husband, who heard the conversation, gave me the thumbs up!!!!
I grew up in Illinois … had relatives living in Peoria, Rockford and Belvidere … hmmm … maybe I was too young to recognize “beige” way back then!!
I’ve always heard the line: If it don’t play in Peoria, it won’t play anywhere!! I always thought that was kinda funny!!
10Now that comment is just a low blow. In my Illinois we have predominantly beige with occasional outbreaks of puce.
If you don’t know what color puce is, look it up in Wikipedia and especially note what Émile Zola wrote about it!
11I grew up in beige states. Don’t worry, plenty of exciting things happen in beige states. You just don’t always hear about them. They have guilt down to an art.
12Some city elections are non-partisan. Mine is.
13I live in beige Minnesota. All of our Planned Parenthood clinics are still open.
14JAKvirginia: My characters come up with witty stuff and quick retorts often enough, but it takes me too long in real life. Writing them down isn’t a help…the one for last week’s encounter does not fit today’s situation. Alas, I lack the improv type of talent.
15I know a couple of guys in Peoria (not gay, as far as I know) and they’re pretty crazy, so not all of them are beige. And I went to grad school in southern– I mean SOUTHERN– Illinois, which struck me as a transition zone between Appalachia and the Ozarks.
Ann Richards told a great story; wish I could remember it exactly. She was with several men when an older white Southern Gentleman joined them. He was introduced to everyone, and he knew that times had changed and he ought to shake hands with the black man among them, and he did, but it was obviously an effort for him. He turned with relief to Richards and said, “And who is this lovely little lady?” Just to see the look on his face, she gave him her biggest smile and said, “Oh, I’m Mrs. [black man]!”
16Two things: I wanna buy Kary a drink and my daughter, a Baylor grad born and raised in Ft Worth is working in St Louis. She has been there two years and is still adjusting to the mid west. “These people are BORING!!”
17@OkieDokie- a long time friend of mine,ex-Ranger, had the misfortune ,along with myself, to be assigned to Fort Hood upon our return from our one year all-expenses-paid walking tour of the sun and fun capitol of southeast Asia his opinion,beyond the Mexican food which we both loved, was that General Sheridan was correct when he said If I owned Texas and Hell I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.Whereupon he ETSed and returned to his native Chicago.BORING means you’ve forgotten the brain is an educational toy, you can take it out and play with it.
18So it’s time to take a poll: Boring Midwest or Insane East Texas?
19Ehhhh . . . somehow in the first post I managed to confuse Peoria with Paducah, two towns I pass through on my occasional trips to Iowa. Dumber than dirt, that was, and I like both towns.
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