.

Pat Boone.

“Honey, I was shocked to know that he’s still alive.  I would have missed that on a trivia question,” she admits.

I know this is going to be a semi-bolt of “oh-yeah, really?” to you, but Juanita has uncovered the charming news break that Beverly Hills now has a tea party.  And, Pat Boone appears to be the only overtly greedy celebrity they could find.

“Girlfriends, this is your mother’s Pat Boone, and he still can’t sing worth a twit.  Thelma played me his song and all I could think is that there’s a difference between singing and noise.  Honey, he couldn’t carry a tune in a corked bottle.”

“But, that’s not the worst of it.  He wrote a song called ‘I Am An American’ which could only be called an insult to the word lyrics.  I’m gonna give you this link to it but I totally refuse to  deface  the English language by putting it on my website,” she says.

Juanita was also a little stunned to know there wasn’t already a Beverly Hills tea party before now.  “I mean, Honey, there’s Rodeo Drive in desperate need of preservation from the hoards of riff-raff Americans without even one Prada bag!”

“Bless their heart, rich white people are so victimized by their government.  Pretty soon, they’ll have to start shopping at Ikea.  You gotta feel bad about that,” she grins.