.

Christine O’Donnell has a new teevee ad saying that she is Just Like You.

“I think she means me, not you,” Juanita says.

“And, Honey, I’ll tell you something, I do not vote for people who are just like me.  I want someone smarter than me, better at math than I am, and someone who understands international banking.  I know this comes as a shock to you, but I’m really weak at international banking.”

“I need you to prop up and think about this,” she continues, “I saw that ad and it really popped my cork when I realized that Dewayne from over at the bowling alley was sitting at the next table at Linda Lou’s Cooked Groceries Restaurant (and how it got that name is a whole ‘nother story that I’ll tell you when I have time) and he was watching the teevee, too, and thought that Christine was talking to him.  Honey, if she is just like Dewayne then she has the largest beer can collection at Happy Creek Trailer Park, artfully displayed all around the ground beside the back door, and seven Elvis on velvet paintings.  She also failed eighth grade and four marriages.  She hasn’t worn socks in 10 years and her hot tub is a cattle tank with an Evinrude outboard motor, which was her half of the bass boat divorce settlement.  She got drunk at Dickie Poteet’s wedding and spent the entirety of the reception sprawled out on a table at the banquet hall, with the new Mrs. Poteet telling the florist to cover his ugly butt with a charming arrangement of chrysanthemums and call it a centerpiece.”

“Is that what you want in Congress?”

Juanita has always been leery of politicians who try to tell you that they are just like you.  “Because when they say that, they are also saying that they are just like Dewayne.”

“Look, I want somebody who can go into a smoke-filled room and come out with more than smoke in their eyes.  I want the smartest guy in town.  I want somebody who knows what they are doing.  Most days I am clueless about that.  And you are, too,” she looks you straight in the eye so you’ll fess-up.

“I don’t want someone just like me.  I want someone just like Franklin Roosevelt or Harry Truman or Barbara Jordan or Hillary Clinton.”

And she means it.