Jesus Saves, But Not Well
You all know about the devastating tornados that hit Texas, killing at least 8 people, maybe more.
What you don’t know is that there’s a lady named Sabrina Lowe who called upon Jesus to help. Sabrina was in her apartment with other people and … well, I’ll let her tell it.
We actually went outside and started commanding the winds because God had given us authority over the winds – the airways. And we just began to command this storm not to hit our area. We – we spoke to the storm and said, go to unpopulated places. It did exactly what we said to do because God gave us the authority to do that.
So let me see if I have this straight. You prayed, but screwed up on your directions so other people got killed?
And, Honey, you might try reading that Bible. Ecclesiastes 8:8 —
As no one has power over the wind to contain it, so no one has power over the time of their death. As no one is discharged in time of war, so wickedness will not release those who practice it.
Sweet Jesus, when you come again, please do not come to Texas. They will beat you up with their Bibles.
Thanks to Pattie for the heads up.
“Sweet Jesus, when you come again, please do not come to Texas. They will beat you up with their Bibles.”
More likely the pervangelists nail his Arab body to a stack of Qu’ans and burn him.
1Hard to fight Bible thumpers with the Bible. Kinda goes both ways.
2I would like to recommend reading ‘The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ’
http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/agjc/
An amazing story of ‘freedom from self’ without the garbage, er confusion, of the carnal Bible.
The introduction is essential, especially 5.
5 What relationship existed between Jesus of Nazareth an the Christ?
Not sure what is to be said about this, except for the fact that Sabrina and her friends had/has a strong dose of faith … the kind that can move mountains or, in her case, tornadoes! “E” for effort on their part but “F” for those who ended up losing their lives!!
Does anyone dare to venture a statement about climate change aka global warming? The Republicans have gone mute on the subject!!
3Sabrina reminds of the old craven bitch who announced during the time when we had a “beltway” shooter who was randomly killing people that when she went to the grocery store she had the bag boy load the trunk for her. First of all, this begs the question of how she got to and from her car, but even more so, how dare she even think of putting someone’s teenage kid in danger to protect her sorry ass. Can you imagine that if a random child got shot, she would thank Jesus for saving her. That was when I decided to not be in thrall to terror any more.
4Yes, even in the 21st century there are people who think that an eclipse occurs because a big monster is swallowing the sun. I’d say more but I might become slightly offensive. The entire history of science has passed these people by on the other side. When they get sick, do they…. no, not going there because they probably do.
Linda, a similar mentality when people thank their god because they survived the crash or other disaster. They think they’re God’s special pet and he doesn’t give a flip about those 247 other people. Religion doesn’t do much for ugly people but give them justification for being ugly.
5Forgot to mention the ugly peoples’ implication, if not outright statement, that anybody who dies in the crash or tornado or whatever just wasn’t a good enough person for their god to save them. Or else “God wanted to call them home,” which isn’t a fat lot of comfort to their survivors, speaking from experience.
6Can the relatives of those who died in Texas sue her for directing the wind toward them??? She said she had the power to send it elsewhere.
7I think the cops need to haul her ass in for murder.
8Rhea? No… they think God is their special pet!
9The Dark Ages are alive and well and living in the good ole US of A. I’m starting to doubt that the Enlightenment ever happened.
10maryelle, in parts of Texas and other benighted areas, it didn’t.
11PKM, this is perfect! “pervangelists.” I need to remember that.
epo, is our friend, Larry K, familiar with this pithy renaming? He’d love it.
12Debbo, please feel free to make pervangelist the correct term of reference for those who generically pervert scripture for their own profit and/or any of the perverts of the cloth.
13What’s the big deal? I live in the DFW area, and I once commanded all the bears to stay away!
Anyone hear of any bear attacks in Dallas lately?
I rest my case.
14And Sabrina also brags a silhouette of Jesus on her 10 day old grilled cheese sandwich to prove she is indeed the ‘chosen one’.
15Where’s karma when you need it? Somewhere there should be a hurricane with this woman’s name on it.
16One of NOAA’s sections has written up an interesting analysis of the effects of ENSO, etc., on severe weather conditions (both warnings/predictions and actual events) in the US. It has many interesting graphs, data, and comparisons, going back in time to recent years.
And it looks like the “bible belt” gets way more bad weather than elsewhere… and trending worse.
Daym, whatever these Talibangelicals are doin’ ain’t workin’ too effen good.
Hmmm, why might that be? (that last was snark, I have some idea of the scientific, factual, reality-based reasons why, but there ain’t none of them listening)
Storm Prediction Center WCM Page
(Warning Coordination Meteorologist)
http://www.spc.noaa.gov/wcm/#2015-enso
17@Rhea- they crack an egg into a glass of water to see if the evil eye is upon them. I have witnessed this. The world is a screwy place. I don’t remember what all they did to drive the evil eye off, but it wasn’t mere prayer! I may have tiptoed off in search of rational beings at that point.
18Whoa! Sandridge, Talibangelicals, and PKM, pervangelists.
19Not one but two excellent word coinings. So succinct and to the point. Thanks for your creative linguistic abilities.
@Ranger Jay
Funny enough I live in DFW area as well and I too exercised human control over Mutha Nature by commanding all elephants to depart the DFW area, aside from the ones safely in legal zoos. Pffft Done! So tween us the Metroplex is utterly safe from bear attacks or elephant rages. We must be doing good ehhhh??
O course the humans what control skunks, armadillos, possums, coyotes, bobcats and the various snakes don’t seem to do so well. Sad really.
20My mama had a mutt that weighed about 4 lbs. that was convinced it was a Rottweiler; she called it her “Dinosaur Killer”. Proof: there weren’t any Dinosaurs anywhere in her neighborhood!
21Yikes.
22Ranger Jay: You da man! Blessed be the bear chaser! Listen… I could use a little extra cash, uh, er, tithe this month. Ya want to give a shout out to the Lord for me? Please?
Thank you.
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