Jade Helm Hell
In case you forgot to mark your calendar, Jade Helm is over today and all I got was this spectacular opportunity to say, “Hey Crazies, Wrong Again.”
You have no idea how hard it was for me not to go put an Obama sign in my neighbor’s yard with “This House Property Of” written at the top.
The only thing that kept me from doing it is that everybody says that old man is fixing to die and you’re gonna get blamed for it.
When Ole Bubba and I got married, we were both poor struggling students. Someone broke into our apartment but couldn’t find a damn thing worth taking. My suspicion is that Obama faced the same situation in Texas. After 16 years of Republican rule, Texas doesn’t have a damn thing worth taking.
We’re also still waiting for the “Obama is coming’ to take all yer gunnnnns!” to happen. Frankly I wish it would.
Who signed his OK on the law saying you could take your killer toys into National Parks? Go ahead, boys, guess.
1And the paranoid delusionals who were so up in arms will never admit they were wrong.
Here’s the next claim they’ll be making: “See? It worked! It was OUR constant vigilance and OUR keeping a tireless eye on the Socialist Dictator’s Guvmint that kept him from carrying out his nefarious plan! You’re welcome!”
Except they won’t use words like “tireless” or “nefarious. Too many syllables. But it will contain words to that effect. And they will be misspelled.
Wait for it. Here it comes. 3 . . 2 . . 1 . .
2I never understood that part about putting us in abandoned WalMarts. I’ve never seen an abandoned WalMart. Do they exist?
3Nothing worth taking in Texas? Au Contraire, is Willie Nelson still there? BBQ? TEX/MEX? if so they didn’t come.
Proof that there was no Jade Helm!
4Glen, there’s a recently-closed Kmart near us. I don’t know if that counts.
Once again I’m reminded of the guy blowing a whistle to keep the polar bears away. Informed that there are no polar bears for 2000 miles, he says, “See how good it’s workin’?”
5Well it was boring as hell here in NC. I was hoping for a little excitement, maybe we’d have to pull out the guns and brooms ‘n’stuff to fend off the crazy Texanos.
6“Glen, there’s a recently-closed Kmart near us. I don’t know if that counts.”
7Geeze, ‘never thought of that! There’s a recently closed K-Mart near me too. There’s no end of speculation about it’s future. Maybe some of us better grab some pitch forks and axe handles and go over and peek in the windows…
I expect the wingnuts will claim total victory over the combined armed forces of the United States. My favorite comment remains “Heck, if the government wanted to cram everybody into an abandoned Walmart, all they’d have to do is post a sign out front saying 50% off on beer and ammunition…”
8Oldymoldy – I’m here on the western NC border….we fended them off before they ever got to you!
And Rhea – we used to wear leather-thong bracelets we made in camp and called ’em “Bear Scares”….with the same response to people who teased us about them. I figured that’d be exactly what the TexCrazies would say once Jade Helm was over…..just waiting for it!
9There’s a WalMart operating now in an abandoned KMart. Are there any KMarts still in business? I haven’t seen one in a very long time.
There are scientific peer-reviewed studies that prove that RWNJs cannot be convinced they’re wrong. The more evidence they’re given that their beliefs are incorrect, the more strongly they hold to them. True believers don’t need no stinkin’ proof, they know they’re right.
10I don’t know if this is real or Photoshop, but I hope it’s real.
11http://d.justpo.st/media/images/2015/07/16/i-invaded-texas-and-all-i-got-was-this-lousy-tshirt-1437070912.jpg
Probably some fears on the part of the Feds that stupidity (Mad TEA Party disease) is contagious.
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