It’s a Thang, Y’all
I love the University of Texas. Not only did they beat OU and bring home the Red River trophy, but they also made news in an even more important way.
Hundreds of students at the University of Texas at Austin will protest a new law that will allow more guns on campus not with signs or sit-ins, but by “strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks.”
Their mantra? #CocksNotGlocks
Yep. The Texas Damn Legislature made a law saying that students can carry guns on campus at Texas universities.
UT students (most of them, unlike the legislature, have triple digit IQs) will start protesting the law when it goes into effect in August of next year.
They even have a Facebook page where you can see our best and brightest have fun with this and the knuckle draggers throw fourth grade hissy fit.
So we here at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. are going to come with a list of …
The Ways a Dildo is Better Than a Gun.
1. People are rarely killed while cleaning their dildos.
2. Using a dildo in a robbery might work as well as a gun. “Open the cash register and I’ll use this” might invoke an open cash register. You never know.
3. You still have to hide a dildo from your mother and your children so that one is a draw.
4. Like guns, comparing size would still be a thing.
5. You look almost as dumb waving around a dildo as you do with a gun.
6. Dildos come in delightful colors. At least that’s what I am told.
7. Think of the money you’ll save on ammo.
Ok, Guys. Ready, set, go. (Keep it clean! We’re going for laughs, not gross outs.)
8.
9.
10.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
They more clearly illustrate what the male carriers are compensating for.
1Pointing a dildo at somebody is less threatening than pointing a gun!
2One can make a woman happy; the other will make her a widow or a corpse.
3From our friends in other places… I’m just not THAT creative!
The only way to stop a BAD GIRL with a dildo…
Umm… Okay, gimme a second… 🙂
If dildos are outlawed only outlaws will have…
4dildos?? Orgasms??
Micr: You win the internet today – or for now as this is a pretty creative bunch at the Beauty Salon – BUT your ideas would make great bumper stickers!!
5Yeah but can one accessorize a dildo like a gun?
Extended magazines – Dildos generally don’t “fire” so this is unnecessary. But they may be equipped with a 3rd party super soaker squirt gun
Telescopic sights and/or laser targeting – No equivilant that I could imagine.
Holsters – If you feel the need in a hurry
Target Practice – well practice does make perfect.
Only problem is that aren’t dildos illegal in at least one of the old traitor states ( Alabama? Mississippi?)
6It’s constitutional. You have the right to armadildo.
7The right to keep and bear dildos isn’t predicated on having a well regulated militia.
Most dildos don’t set off metal detectors at airports.
You don’t have to continually buy new ammunition for a dildo.
The NDA has cheaper membership dues than the NRA.
It would be easier for Ben Carson to rally a group to rush a dildo bearer than someone with a gun.
If someone were to put a dildo to Ben Carson’s ribs he wouldn’t direct them to the cashier, he’d point to his backside.
“Is that a dildo in your backpack or are you just glad to see me?”
8Dildos come in all sizes, including some you can share with a friend.
9OK so I admit it this post tickles my fancy… call it a guilty pleasure….
Dildos don’t get mommy off, people with dildos get mommy off.
They can have my dildo when they pry it from my hot, sweaty hand…
Of course I’m in favor of dildo control…
Batteries must be secured in a separate location.
10Some dildos can be operated at different speeds, or so I’ve been told.
11My personal preference is a fully automatic vibrator,his name is Mister Buzz,take it away at your own PERIL.
12Some dildos have ridges …
13Dildos can be a 1-person project!! :o)
Some have little critters that poke certain sensitive lady areas just to make it more exciting! LOL
Dildoes, freeing women from the onus of marrying Republicans.
14Oh, what a priceless protest! I love it!
Dildos do come in delightful colors. I work in anthropometry using body scanners. One of our projects was to size erect penises for better condom fit. So off I went to the local lady-toy store and borrowed half a dozen dildos to test scan resolution. I had a rainbow bag’o’dicks (and walked around campus muttering “do not drop the bag, do not drop the bag” 🙂
15I can’t see the value in strapping Louis Gohmert to your backpack.
16Dildos can be elected to public office, just look at Texas.
17Does anybody mind if I borrow a few of your ideas for my Outsmart article tomorrow?
18OMG—so very lucky I’ve finished that last cup of coffee before reading these comments!!
19With didos, only women get to conceal/carry. Well, men can too, but it’s uncomfortable.
20Coozledad: FUNNY!!!
21Happiness is a warm dildo.
22Wow! What a day! First I get lost in a Christmas decoration store! Now dildos! Who could ask for better, or for more?
23The only thing better is if the pasted a picture of Louie on the correct anatomical part. The bald head is natural.
Or a picture of T- rump and add some hair.
Oh to be in college again!!!!
24The irony of the law taking effect on the 50th anniversary of Whitman climbing up the tower and start shooting escapes the idiots that gave us this law
25Catherine D, your project leaders were assuming that there is little or no difference between the size of dildos and the size of the average excited adult male. I think that may need a separate study to verify.
Micr, I suspect that a bad girl with a dildo just might be unstoppable.
For those who would like musical inspiration:
26https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tl-purY_3k
Diane, I think I’ve lost all interest in sex for at least a week. Thanks loads. Why not throw in Cruz and hit a triple?
27I am not anti-dildo but I’m not sure why peaceful citizens would need a dildo with a magazine that holds more than ten batteries.
28Dildoes have a cool vibe.
29“Well, we are all shocked. You’d think stuff like this only happens in the city. And they seemed to be such lovely
30college kids. Who knew they would just go off and do that with a dildo.”
Target practice is always successful — the user always hits the target or the X er… G spot.
31Congress hasn’t prohibited the CDC from analyzing death by dildo.
Laser sights aren’t necessary for accurate dildo use.
The barrel of a dildo usually doesn’t overheat.
The use of a dildo in the dark doesn’t betray the user’s location – though a silencer may be warranted.
A blind person can safely use a dildo.
Obama won’t disarm(?) law abiding dildo owners.
You don’t need a concealed dildo permit. Good thing too, because your facial expression may give you away.
Sawed-off dildos are neither illegal nor desirable.
With dildos, “Go ahead, make my day” takes on different meaning.
Dildos aren’t the target of burglaries because there’s not much of a market for used ones.
32Er, does Mama know about this conversation?
33If more guns are the answer to gun violence,doesn’t it make wingnut sense that more abortion providers will solve the abortion problem?
As for dildoes,do they paint the ends orange on children’s dildoes?
34and they can have your dildoes when they pry it from your cold,dead ???
35e platypus onion, holy gohmerts man! Never shop at a fundamentalist/Teabagger sex toy store. Only a Duggar would buy that merchandise.
36Dildoes don’t kill people and even wingnuts with dildoes couldn’t kill anyone. Guys could use them as pacifiers. Many wingnuts need them.
37“Is that your Louie Gomert statue, and why is it hot pink?”
38I’ve never heard of a negligent discharge in regards to the use of a dildo.
39Smart students. I love their thinking.
40Dildos don’t mind if you go out with other dildos.
41Good news for criminals: Felons can own dildos.
And: Using a dildo in commission of a crime doesn’t enhance the punishment.
With a dildo, target practice is MUCH more fun.
A lost or stolen dildo can be replaced with produce.
Drive-by dildoings are practically unheard of and never result in innocent victims being killed.
With dildos, there’s a limit to “bigger is better”.
A dildo firing squad may be preferable to other forms of capital punishment.
42“Happiness is a warm dildo.”
43Paul says: “Dildos don’t mind if you go out with other dildos.”
That sounds like a Congressional memo promoting camaraderie. Could be Lyin’ Ryan’s pitch for the Speaker job.
44If a dildo accidentally goes off while you’re cleaning it, it won’t kill anyone.
If a toddler reaches into his mom’s purse at Walmart and pulls out a dildo, nobody dies (unless of embarrassment).
If the dog locked in your pickup cab steps on the trigger of your dildo, again, nobody dies.
If someone comes onto campus with half a dozen dildos and starts using them on the quad, umm… I’m guessing nobody dies.
45Don’t bring a dildo to a gun-fight.
Dildos today, firearms next year: For in between, How about a movement to legalize the open carry of dirks, short swords, and broad swords? If one is carrying both a dildo and sword, you would have be very careful about upon which you would fall.
BYW, Jim Franklin initiated the Armadilldo in the mid to late 60s.
46Mind you, the dog might be pretty startled.
47@Henry #28
According to Immoral Minority blog, this is why:
“The State of Texas has decided that it is not at all obnoxious to allow deadly concealed weapons in classrooms, however it DOES have strict rules about free sexual expression, to protect your innocence. You would receive a citation for taking a DILDO to class before you would get in trouble for taking a gun to class. Heaven forbid the penis. ”
Slipstream: hahaha!
And, I’ve heard that you are able to buy the holster ie: strap on without issue. 😉
48With a dildo, you don’t have to worry about keeping your ammo dry. In fact, the wetter the better.
I completely get why the authorities are freaking out, though. Sex is bad, violence is good.
49Rhea: oh no! I had a selection (to quote Monty Python) from the tiniest tadger to the world’s biggest prick. The latter was porn star sized – most of us were wondering if we’d ever seen one in the wild.
50