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Juanita is in such a good mood today that’s she giving away curling irons.  Get in line because she’ll surely come to her senses soon.

“Goldman Sachs is going to stinkin’ jail,” Juanita shouts.

The government has accused Goldman Sachs of defrauding investors by failing to disclose conflicts of interest in mortgage investments it sold as the housing market was faltering.

“But, that’s just part of the good news,” she says.

“People often ask me if I’m upset because Tom DeLay is not in jail, but instead is out trying to be a dealmaker in AAA baseball.  First of all, seeing Tom DeLay make a complete fool of himself on Dancing With the Stars just to make money is much better than seeing him do the perp walk.  And, I have to admit that seeing him involved in minor-league anything is pitiful for a man who once claimed to be the federal government.”

“So, I’m all okay with pathetic Tom DeLay,” she smiles.

“No, the man I want to see in jail is Phil Gramm.  And, have mercy, it’s about to happen.  Nobody deserves being roommate with Tough Timmy for a few years more than Phil Gramm does.”

A former banker who blew the whistle on thousands of secret bank accounts rich Americans held at Swiss giant UBS claimed Thursday some U.S. politicians also kept off-shore accounts with the bank.

“We had an office in Washington that we all referred to as the PEP office – for ‘Politically Exposed People,'” Bradley Birkenfeld said.

He was speaking by phone – on tax day, no less – from Schuylkill County federal prison in Pennsylvania, where he is serving a 40-month sentence for his role in the tax evasion scheme.

“Only top managers from the bank knew the names of the political clients,” Birkenfeld said.

“So, we have a whistleblower sitting on proof of hanky-panky at USB,” Juanita grins.  “And who is a vice-president / lobbyist for USB?  Phil Gramm, that’s who.  Free haircuts all day on the day Phil Gramm is indicted!”

“And, then as if to put a cherry on top of this day, guess who is heavily invested in USB?  Oh be still my heart, it’s John Cornyn.”

So head on over to the beauty salon this afternoon and get your Celebratory Phil Gramm Curling Iron.