It Seems That With Sufficient Thrust, Pigs Can Fly Just Fine
So, you go to Russia to talk about the Boston bombing. Who would you send?
The kickboxer who knows more than most Republicans
Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, a California Republican who led the six-member delegation, described discussions with Russian parliament members and security officials as productive. Some of the meetings, he said, were made possible by American actor Steven Seagal.
Yep, that Steve Seagal, the maker of the best kick boxing movies ever to grace the big screen and serial sexual harasser.
Rohrabacher thanked Seagal for arranging the meetings so they could bypass the US Embassy and the State Department because, after all, those people know diddle squat about kickboxing.
Not surprisingly, on this trip Republicans heard what they wanted to hear and Democrats heard what was said.
Rep. Steve King said Russian security officials told the delegation they believed that Tsarnaev and his mother had been radicalized before moving to the United States in 2003. “I suspect he was raised to do what he did,” said King, a Republican from Iowa.
His account of the meeting at the FSB, the successor to the Soviet-era KGB, was disputed by Rep. Steven Cohen, a Tennessee Democrat, who said he understood that the radicalization took place much later, when the family was living in Boston.
Yeah, but if what Cohen heard is true, you can’t blame the commies for this and – all kickboxing aside – that was the whole purpose of the trip being arranged outside normal channels.
The best part of the trip is that Steven Seagal wanted to take them to Chechnya, but Cohen refused to go because of Ramzan Kadyrov, Head of the Chechen Republic, a weird guy who the Kremlin adores. Kadyrov has been seen in some wild hoochy parties, has approved of honor killings on the basis that wives are the property of their husbands and has participated in rape, kidnapping, massive torture and murder. Seagal, of course, loves him because that’s the exact plot of every Steven Seagal movie.
“All these accusations are thrown around,” said Seagal, who was given a lavish welcome in Kadyrov’s palace. “Is there any evidence? Has he been indicted?”
Yeah well, dude, Stalin was never indicted either.
I read the article twice but there appears to be no mention of Seagal kicking anybody so, at least to me, this diplomatic mission was a complete failure.
Send Dennis Rodman next time. He’s good at this stuff.
See, guys? California does too have crazy Republican politicians.
1Uuuuummm, Shouldn’t Steven be busy running over puppies for Sheriff Joe?
2This visit raises a number of important questions, including one asked by a commenter over at TPM: when did Kiwi start making hair products?
3They were going to bring Clint Eastwood – after all, we know he can speak and even think in Russian from his stint in the 1982 film “Firefox” which led directly to the downfall of the Soviet Union – unfortunately, he wasn’t available.
It seems he wandered into a chair factory and hasn’t been able to talk his way out of it, yet.
4Steve put on a little weight since making those movies. I am not sure he can kick very high these days. He also does not let anybody kill him in movies even when he is the bad guy(Machete)
5No, no, no, Braxton. When did KRYLON start making hair products?! Gawd….
6Before Steve Seagull I never realized the close relationship between ballet and kickboxing.
7Doesn’t look like hair to me. More like some kind of black mold-type fungus. Where would you get something like that, and is it contagious? It’s trying to take over his whole head.
8Please understand….
9In Iowa, we do NOT raise them to do what Steve King does!
(or, doesn’t do) He can’t speak a straight sentence unless it’s scripted, folks!
The reason they didn’t go to Chechnya is they would have had to fly in w Seagal on his private plane and House rules prohibit such. There’s a lot of BS about poor little misunderstood Putin, too. Those -R types just really don’t like democracy much, dictatorships are more their style. And somebody better warn Putin, too – we used to be all chummy w Saddam Hussein til we needed a ear, and then we hanged his ass to boot!
10[chortle] daChipster, as always, you hit the nail on the head.
“…participated in rape, kidnapping, massive torture and murder…that’s the exact plot of every Steven Seagal movie…’All these accusations are thrown around,’ said Seagal, who was given a lavish welcome in Kadyrov’s palace. ‘Is there any evidence? Has he been indicted?’”
Has that ever stopped a Seagal character from taking justice into his own hands and being judge, jury, and executioner? In some cases all they have to do is get in his way, such as the bodyguards for his intended target just trying to do their job.
11Steve Cohen, yet another candidate for a future ex-husband of mine…
12Doesn’t Seagal still owe over $300K in back taxes? Where is the RW outrage?
13Y’all that was supposed to be a “war” not an “ear” I guess it’s Monday and I am all thumbs 🙁
14Angela, Seagal also knocked down a Phoenix resident’s concrete block wall with a tank before killing the puppy in the same operation.
15Just curious. Do we still have a State Department that does stuff……. or not?
First Dennis Rodman makes us look like idiots in Korea, and now Steven Segall in Russia.
Revoke the passports of these people. They do not speak for The United States of America.
And, they should stay in this country, and shut the heck up.
JMHO
16Dear Miemaw,
17I have been wondering about the passport issue–for Rodman, anyway–myself. I’m assuming it’s USGovernment-won’t-protect-you language on the passport as opposed to we-arrest-you-if-you-go-there but does anyone else have the answer?
John Kerry must be tearing his hair out with the likes of Rodman, Segal and even John McCain presuming they speak for America.
18Although nobody takes the first two seriously, McCain’s impromptu photo with terrorist kidnappers underlines how carefully our government must tread when considering involvement in foreign entanglements. He ended up proving himself dead wrong.
Steven Seagal, 300 pounds of ego stuffed in a 250 pound sh!tsack.
19Do tax payers actually pay for these unofficial boondoggles? Really? Used-to-be-celebrities and crazy politicians pretending to representing the USA? This kind of crap really ticks me off.
20There is no way Steven Seagal is an “actor.” He may appear in movies and he may memorize lines to say, but he is no actor.
Michelle Crazy Bachmann was on the trip as well, but didn’t attend any public functions. I guess she was doing her sight-seeing while she can do it on the taxpayers’ money, or maybe King fixed her up as Seagal’s date.
21Okay, a few clarifications.
1) Steven Segal is not a kickboxer. He doesn’t practice muai thai or even tae kwon do, the most traditional kicking centered martial arts. His martial arts style are largely aikido, kendo, and a smattering of escrima. He’s not horrible at the martial arts (not as good as he used to be but who is) but he rarely, if ever, actually kicks anything.
2) Most of Segal’s arbitrary three-word-title movies of late have been made in Europe and Chechnya in particular so he has had to get to know a few political figures around that neighborhood. I’m a bit flummoxed as to what kind of clout he might actually hold there but I’m not shocked he at least knows how to get in contact with many officials that no one else has heard of before.
3) I’m sure the Republicans are thrilled to have some modicum of Hollywood support from some actor, they just haven’t been to the movies lately enough to realize that Segal’s star hasn’t just faded but collapsed into a black hole.
22Look who’s peaking over Rohrabacher’s shoulder!
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/russia-wants-seagal-to-be-the-face-of-its-weapons-industry.php?ref=fpa
23I sent this text and some of the wittier comments to my card-carrying Tea Partier slightly older brother, Mostly to irritate, a little bit to inform. His reponse was in general NSFW and definintely offensive to the ears of our respective mommas. However he contributed that the C-130 Hercules, known to some as the best aircraft every to fly period, is known to others as the Whisper Pig. And so hyperbole aside as you said in fact 130,000 pound lumbering pigs CAN fly if you provide suffient thurst. Sufficient in this case is defined as 18k hp from 4 big mofo Allison turbos.
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