Okay, so this Ted Cruz thing just got personal.

I know everybody is picking on Ted Cruz, from his college friends saying he’s a complete jerk to Dana Milbank in the Washington Post calling him nasty.

Oh, Honey, he’s worst than all that.  He’s done picked on me, personally.

I came home last night and there’s a letter from U.S. Senator Ted Cruz in my mailbox.  Plus, oh great manna from heaven, there’s a “check enclosed.”

A damn check.  From Ted Cruz.

Anyway, I figured that Ted sent me money.  Wouldn’t you?  I mean, it says it right there.

Now, why Ted Cruz would be sending out checks like bread on the waters to Democrats, I dunno.

But, wonders never cease, so …

Of course I opened the damn envelope.

Well, sum-of-a-damn-sumbitch.  Look at all this crap.

But, oh my goodness, there’s a check for $45.

It took me a full 15 seconds from being excited to fully and totally believing that Ted Cruz is so full of caca del toro that we need to name a disease after him.  You know, the Cruz Virus: you don’t get sick but you sure get totally pissed off.

Oh sure, it’s a check.  Made out to Ted Cruz.

I mailed it back.  I wrote “Big Check Enclosed” on front.  Enclosed was a $.02 check made out to me.

Admit it, you’d do the same thing.

And …

Speaking of checks, thank you to those who sent them.  You will get a proper thank you note after the election.  For those who want to help Hazel hire some help for an enormous literature drop she has planned for next weekend, yeah this is a gratuitous plug.