.

“And all this time we thought Texas had the distributorship monopoly on fruitcakes,” Juanita starts this afternoon after lunch.  She had spent lunch time at the computer with jelly donuts and Diet Coke – the lunch of champions.

“It seems that the Maine GOP held their convention and borrowed some classrooms for their committees to meet.  Big ole mistake.  Giant goof.”

“You cannot allow Republicans to be unsupervised,” she warns.  “Do not leave them in a classroom unless you have someone to take names,” Juanita warns.

Thelma was once a substitute teacher until she sat on a middle school football player and sent a kid to fetch the principal  to come punish him for saying, “Yo Momma’s so fat that when she wears a red dress all the kids yell, “Hey, Kool Aid!”, which was sort of ironic because Thelma’s so fat that when she wear high heels, she sometimes strikes oil.  But, anyway, Thelma retired from substituting after that, with mutual agreement from the school board.  “Republicans are worse than teenagers.  By far,” she estimates.

These Republicans, according to Juanita’s computer, did even worse than a few  Yo Momma’s.

One School Committee member, saying she’s “appalled” by the behavior of some of the Republicans who used a room at King Middle School last weekend, wants to protect the city’s public schools from future harm.

The Republican State Convention was held at the Portland Exposition Building, which is on Park Avenue, near the middle school. Party members from Knox County caucused in a classroom used by eighth-grade social studies teacher Paul Clifford.

When Clifford returned to school on Monday, he found that a favorite poster about the U.S. labor movement had been taken and replaced with a bumper sticker that read, “Working People Vote Republican.”

Later, Clifford learned that his classroom had been searched. Republicans who had attended the convention called Principal Mike McCarthy to complain about “anti-American” things they saw there, including a closed box containing copies of the U.S. Constitution that were published by the American Civil Liberties Union.

“So, the Republican Party apologized, which is kinda like your parents coming to the school to try to talk them out of expelling you because Lord knows your parents don’t want you hanging around the house all day,” Juanita surmises.

And she adds, “I do find it more than a tad amusing that they replace a whole poster with a bumper sticker.  Bumper stickers are the only written word that Republicans can understand.  Or remember.”

Verdelia also has an opinion on this subject.

“Your know how the Republicans claim to be all aglow about the founding fathers?  I wonder what the founding fathers would think about unreasonable search and seizure,” Verdelia asks. “Oh hell, I know what they’d think.  They’d think Republicans are flat supersized bad nuts.  That’s what they’d think.”