Introducing Primo Encarnación
Hello, all you fine folks here at the Salon! My name is Primo Encarnación y Hachecristo. Most of you regulars know me as the guy who sweeps up hair around here, but I am also Deputy Director of Homeland Security for the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon (DDHS/WMDBS). It’s a gig I won after the Groundhog Day when Buck Pochek lost his brakes on that old dinged up Cadillac of his and drove right through the front window of the shop. Since ol’ Buck seems to lose his brakes every time he finds a bottle, I decided we should do something about it.
I had had an unfortunate relationship with a young lady whose uncle Marcus was the pastor at The Power and The Glory Megachurch, but that’s another story entire. Your takeaway here is that Uncle Marcus’ church had these lovely, large, HEAVY planters they bought back when Buck was attending services there, all laid out in front of the acres and acres of glass windows they had on the place. Surely they wouldn’t miss one or two?
So I called up my cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, who had been moonlighting as a fishing guide named “Caddo Joe” up in Lake Sam Rayburn, but that’s another story, as well. Jesus “borrowed” a heavy truck with a light crane, while I “borrowed” about 10 gallons of stucco plaster. We returned the truck, but have yet to repay on the stucco, which now decorates the anti-Buck-and-or-car-bomb planters, which now adorn the front of the shop.
For scrounging above and beyond the call of duty, Juanita Jean made me DDHS/WMDBS. For a “security desk,” she gave me the station with the sink we’ve never been able to unclog since someone, somehow, lost an entire lace front – with glue – down it. I proudly display a sign there: “NO TERRORIST ATTACKS SINCE: Feb 2, 2012.”
And for not mislaying the salon while she traipsed the Ozark Mountains in search of invisible air, I am now allowed to post here when the spirit moves me.
Right now, the spirit is moving me to observe gas prices continue to tumble towards $2.50. Why is that significant? Because, right around the time Buck imploded our front window, a fella named Newt Gingrich was trying to wrest the wheel of the GOP Presidential Clown Car away from the rest of the clowns. He claimed that under a (swallow hard, it’s only hypothetical) Gingrich Administration, gas would go down to $2.50 a gallon. How would he do it? Drill baby, drill, and not just on future ex-Mrs. Gingriches.
How did this President do it? Diplomacy, baby. Diplomacy. The story you won’t get from corporate media is that after John Kerry’s sudden visit to Saudi Arabia in September , bombing of ISIS began, and oil prices plummeted to a level that was still profitable for Saudis, but not for Russians. Vlad’s entire budget for 2015 is predicated on being able to get $96 per barrel for Russian oil. Currently, oil is below $70 per barrel.
Iran has similar math problems. Between sanctions and oil prices, the economies of our nominal “enemies” are on the brink of destruction. The global balance of power is shifting.
The Conservatives would have you believe that all this is possible through the miracle of shale oil production. But “con” is right there in their name, so you know that’s not the case. Rather, it’s due to this President thinking ten moves ahead, as usual, and getting help – on 9/11, 2014, no less – from the birthplace and center of Islam, and the House of Saud.
Not Newt, nor any of these past, present and future clown-cons, could even conceive of it.
What a welcome voice added to the WMDBS!
Since JJ’s peeps are studious folk, I would just like to add that the Saudis pulled this on the Soviets in order to wreck their economy and get them out of Afghanistan back in 1979. They just had to open up the spigots wider. Worked like a charm. And, Gorbachev had to do something to keep his nation from going completely bankrupt. Sorta like what’s happening in Venezuela now.
Also, it’s been pointed out elsewhere that for that nasty Alberta tar sands to be worth despoiling the environment, oil needs to be selling at $85/bbl or more. Tee and then a Hee.
1Let me add: THANKS, OBAMA!
2Always a treat to hear about the further adventures of the Hachechristo family, especially Jesus. Also, extremely good to hear about the effects our president’s strategy to bring down the oil prices and consequently, the economies of tyrants.
3This news should be plastered all over the headlines and TV News, except of course, the Fox Propaganda Machine.
I can’t understand why the Democrats who ran in this recent election didn’t shout from the rooftops about the advances made during President Obama’s term in office: healthcare, economy, diplomacy (talks with Iran) and general stability.
The people who brought us the Recession got the votes?????????????
And here I was thinking Rev Will B Dunne was the pastor of The Power and The Glory Megachurch
4Sometimes OPEC can do a better job beating up competition than the leather lady in the bondage salon can do with her whips and chains. Aside from the Russians and Iranians, they’re really messing over tha Canadian shale oil producers, as BarbinDC notes. Some of those outfits are highly leveraged and may be driven into insolvency. We can’t be looking at falling oil prices for the medium and long term.
5Welcome Primo!
A word of warning for when you’re invited to Fox News as a contestant in one of their Hollywood Squares interview boxes, just be ready for the guy down and to the right of you who’s going to shout into his microphone:
BUT A GINGRICH PRESIDENCY WOULD HAVE BROUGHT US $2.50 GAS IN HIS FIRST TERM.
Please throw a Texaco Star at him. A big one, a red one, and a sharp one.
6Primo, a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, sir. Thank you for taking such fine care of the ladies of the WMDBS. We promise not to beg you for insider stories for the risk of you becoming the reason for that drain suddenly losing the clog.
Good news about the price of gas. Now I don’t feel so bad about that discount dock Vlad wrangled from our good NATO ally, Turkey. That sure is one confusing regional rodeo of friendship.
7The break-even point for shale oil production is about $80 a barrel which may put the Keystone XL pipeline out of business before it is begun.
8Maryelle, they couldn’t shout anything because they were out of breath from running away from the President, viz Allison Grimes.
9Well howdy Primo…I be a waitin’ fer the fishin’ stories…
10Yessss!!! Thou hast said it! Hallelujah!
Seriously. I mean it.
11Hey Primo baby, er, I got carried away there. Senor Primo, I’ve been hearin’ about your scholarliness and other useful skills which will no doubt come in handy around here. Could we have some hand rails up from the parking lot? I always need hand rails and think it is clear cut discrimination for old ladies to have to hold onto the brick walls to get up to the beauty shop. Maybe we could take up a contribution and get a little brass plaque with the names of all the old ladies who helped get the rails.
12Wonderful article. Thanks.
13Primo, honey, what ideas do you have for shutting down the shutting down of the Feds? I figure you have some innovative ideas on the subject. While you’re thinkin’ about it, this little item just rolled in to my inbox:
If you truly want the facts on our economy and jobs watch this short You Tube to the end.
14http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show
Other (ugh) news: Rush Limbaugh now has two novels for kids. Start ’em young, huh?
15Thank you, Marge Wood!
16I was just asking my guy if he had ever seen Rachal M (we have no TV) and he said, “No…”, so what a perfect stunning intro to her.
And great info in general.
Thanks to you all for making the season bright.
Grin. Hurray for Rachel and for your guy and that you don’t have a TV (we have one but don’t watch it).
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