My own personal congressvarmint, Pete Olson – the man who does diddle squat and does that without making a sound – is retiring.

Two years ago, this safe GOP seat, once occupied by Tom DeLay, saw a 5 point victory margin due to changing demographics.  Pete may be an idiot, but he knows shrinking numbers.

Troy Nehls

His replacement on the GOP ticket will likely be Sheriff Troy Nehls, who is about 5′ 4″ and is armed with a degree from Liberty University.  He cannot say the words President Obama so he calls him, “that clown in Washington.” He is to the right of Donald Trump but with far less education.  He also has strange blonde hair.  However, we expect the Republicans to have a blood letting in their primary.

Democrats will likely nominate Sri Preston Kulkarni to herald our ticket.  Sri was our nominee two years ago and turned out Asian voters like we’ve never seen before.