Before we start, I need to make it clear that there are certain groups of people who I don’t like.

Mainly, they are developers, political consultants, and big oil sumbitches.

Kinder Morgan is a giant Texas oil company.  They have decided that they need to triple the size of their Canadian pipeline.   Their lawyer, Bill Kaplan, worked himself into a downright tizzy last week when protestors took to social media to object.

This will not stand!

So, he goes to court and says ….

Mr. Kaplan had argued the defendants conspired against Kinder Morgan, employing social media and telephone networks to harm the oil company and pipeline builder Trans Mountain as they seek to nearly triple capacity by expanding a route under Burnaby Mountain.

He entered into evidence photographs of protesters wearing facial expressions he said demonstrate anger and violence.

“One of the things I will argue is that is not only intimidation, but that is actually an assault,” he said on Wednesday.

Making faces is assault.  Cool.  I’m packing my bags for Austin, Babe!

Okay, so here’s what I hear Mr. Kaplan saying:  Momma, he’s looking at me!

No, seriously, facial expressions are now assault.  How about really ugly people?  Can we just put them in jail for leaving their house?

Okay, my friend Elizabeth wants to know that if a Republican gives her a dirty face, can she stand her ground?

Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.