I’m In Big Trouble Now.
Before we start, I need to make it clear that there are certain groups of people who I don’t like.
Mainly, they are developers, political consultants, and big oil sumbitches.
Kinder Morgan is a giant Texas oil company. They have decided that they need to triple the size of their Canadian pipeline. Their lawyer, Bill Kaplan, worked himself into a downright tizzy last week when protestors took to social media to object.
This will not stand!
So, he goes to court and says ….
Mr. Kaplan had argued the defendants conspired against Kinder Morgan, employing social media and telephone networks to harm the oil company and pipeline builder Trans Mountain as they seek to nearly triple capacity by expanding a route under Burnaby Mountain.
He entered into evidence photographs of protesters wearing facial expressions he said demonstrate anger and violence.
“One of the things I will argue is that is not only intimidation, but that is actually an assault,” he said on Wednesday.
Making faces is assault. Cool. I’m packing my bags for Austin, Babe!
Okay, so here’s what I hear Mr. Kaplan saying: Momma, he’s looking at me!
No, seriously, facial expressions are now assault. How about really ugly people? Can we just put them in jail for leaving their house?
Okay, my friend Elizabeth wants to know that if a Republican gives her a dirty face, can she stand her ground?
Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.
I always wondered about facial expressions as a taunt. Texas has a “Finger” statute, which is included in Disorderly Conduct because the “Finger” is provocative and likely to lead to assault. I wonder if an “ugly look” could be seen by a JP or City Judge as provocative and therefore DC as well. I’m just not getting the Assault connection.
1For the love of god, Juanita Jean!! Give a spew alert first! What the hell is wrong with you, girlfriend?
2ROFLMFAO
If facial expressions are an assault, then Rafael Cruz is a deadly weapon.
3He has a very very ugly expression on his face at all times!
I get around the Finger charge in two ways. Sometimes I hold up two fingers, with my palm facing me, which is the British version of our one finger. (Do a Churchill V but rotate the wrist toward you.) Sometimes I hold up thumb and finger about half an inch apart, indicating my opinion of the size of their brain and anything else relevant. They may not know what it means but I do.
4It is a sign of how out of touch with reality these rightwing circus monkeys (sorry, primates!) are. Anything that they hate is fair game, from marriage equality to a breathing Barack Obama.
But let one person frown their way, and it’s Katy bar the door! THAT person is assaulting them and MUST be punished!
Maybe frack beneath their house or build a Walmart across the street, anything as long as it earns money and destroys lives.
5Check this out. http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2010/sep/22/the-northerner-round-up-gur...
His name is Dai Lewellyn and he is demonstrating something they do in Wales called gurning. Its a contest and they actually have champions. The rules are you cannot use your hands to rearrange your face. I bet this beats hands down anything that lawyer is trying to pull with images from social media.
As for El Cruz-o, his posturing is soooo Mussolini! Check out some old photographs of Il Duce and you’ll see what I mean.
6There are some expressive Italian hand and arm gestures, too. As they might be deemed bi-lingual in nature, won’t describe any in deference to Mama.
Knowing how badly Charles and David Koch had their little fee fees hurt, suggest that the next court action by Kinder Morgan be met by a crowd with Nerf pitchforks. For the benefit of Juanita Jean and Thelma, I repeat, *** Nerf ***
7Let’s start by charging these clowns. http://www.allfunnyfaces.com/pictures/Republicans.jpg#republicna%20making%20funny%20faces
Oh, yeah we can’t. This is their face for the current POTUS so it’s okay.
8Love my fellow Canadians! Who knew that they would drive a Texan lawyer nuts by just making faces – and kudos to the Vancouver mayor also, even though his expression is pretty middle-of-the-road 🙂
This lawyer is really looking like an idiot at this point. After all, the Canadians impacted by Kinder Morgans work in THEIR county have a right to have their say. May they rule this argument!
Tee-hee 🙂
9re the Mussolini reference, a dear friend was a journalist in Italy in the 1930’s and happened to be at a car show when Mussolini came in. Il Duce sat in one fancy sporty car and listened to the salesman’s spiel, and as he did his face relaxed and he looked like a guy who was thinking of buying a car. Then he remembered who he was and slapped the Il Duce face back on. I wonder if Ted Cruz ever relaxes and looks human…. Nah.
10The expression on Ted Cruz’s face always reminds me of the smarmy face of the class snitch.
11A right winger once again claiming that corporations have all kinds of rights–people, not so much.
12I expect Bill Kaplan needs a refresher on intentional torts: to be civil assault, one has to intentionally cause someone to reasonably fear an imminent harmful or offensive touching. Making faces at a Republican may cause them to fear an imminent glitter bomb attack – but it’s not going to be considered reasonable by anyone. I’d also be interested to hear why making faces is assault, but carrying firearms to a protest meeting is freedom of speech. (Remember the pro-gun nuts who openly carried their weapons outside an anti-gun rally?)
When making faces is outlawed, only outlaws will make faces…
13The Kinder part is appropriate. Most folks outgrow the “Mama, he’s looking at me” phase somewhere between 4 and 6 years old. Bill Kaplan is either experiencing a second childhood or his Mama hasn’t thrown him out of her basement.
14According to the activist,right wing nutjob Suckpreme Court,protesters are allowed in your face to try to talk pipeline builders out of having abortions. So I guess Kaplan better figure on seeing ugly mug,malevolent expressions rilly up close and personal.
15“Mama, he’s looking at me funny” is one the Republicans have been whining ever since they were kicked out of the White House.
16e playpus onion – yes siree bob so in general – no more angry faces from:
1. Anti abortion nutcases screaming in your face
2. Westboro Church
3. Louis Gohmert
4. Mike Huckabee
5. Mama Bear Palin and her whole red neck brood
dang I don’t have time to list all of them!!!!
17Y’all got it all said, except I don’t know which is funnier, this one or the bill that Donna Campbell wants to pass. Y’all can decide. Are we keeping score?
18The idea about ugly faces reminded me of a quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln (I use attributed because it may not be so, like some others attributed to him that have been debunked.)
19“They can’t help being ugly looking, but they could stay home.”
Corporations are people, although people without facial expressions. They’re just asking for a level playing field. Some “facial equality” as it were.
How else can corporation people protect themselves from people people unfairly advantaged with expressive characteristics of the face, except by asking the law to intercede?
20This is called a SLAPP suit in both the U.S. and Canada – a Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation. It’s a despicable practice often used to muzzle members of the public who disagree with private development proposals that require public or government review and approval. So far in Canada, it appears that Quebec is the only province where the law has somewhat reined in the practice. Apparently not in British Columbia, though, where this action is taking place.
“Ma! Herbie is making nasty faces at me again! Will you SLAPP him?!”
21