As I may have mentioned before, Thelma is a provisional member of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club.  She’s been provisional for 2 years now, what with her three ex-husbands, and her wardrobe choices.  Just as Thelma gets close to being accepted as a regular member, she get her status extended due to a bad accessory choice or one stinkin’ little tryst with a deputy constable which really shouldn’t count because, after all, it was a Republican deputy constable.

So, anyway, Thelma spends a large part of her day practicing for acceptance as a Belle.  She reads her Bible, makes several calls to the president of the Belles to put people on the prayer list, listens to Rush, and practices her tsk-tsk moves in front of a mirror.

Juanita thinks that prayer list thingy is just the way Republican women gossip.  It goes like this: Thelma calls Betty Sue and says, “We should put Norma on the prayer list.”  Betty Sue asks why, knowing full well that Norma’s husband just ran off the with Edna’s Bloomin’ DeeLights Flowers delivery guy.  “Well, she’s having trouble in her marriage,” Thelma continues.

“She is?  Oh dear,” Betty Sue replies. “Is there anything in particular I should ask Jesus to do for Norma?”

Thelma quickly, without thinking much, replies, “Yeah, you can ask Jesus to make her husband’s winkie fall off before he starts making out with the entire front line of the Dallas Cowboys.”  Thelma then catches herself and adds, “pray that poor Norma finds comfort by running for the school board and putting Jesus back in the schools so people won’t catch gay. ”

This is called gossip among Democratic women.  Among Republican woman, it’s called asking Jesus to help our sisters.

This week, it has become Republican women’s job to be half a truckload ditzy.  The commandment came down from on high.

Jan Larimer, co-chair of the Republican National Committee, no less, is trying to recruit Republican women candidates.  She was quoted as saying —-

“Women sometimes need a little more handholding, or they need their friends to help them make a decision. And by our going in and talking to them and recruiting and educating and training them to either get involved in a campaign or become a candidate, we’re giving them the tools so that they can do that on their own,” Larimer added.

Thelma spent the better part of the afternoon standing in front of the Coke machine asking, “Hummmm … Juanita, can you help me?  Pepsi or Coke?  Pepsi or Coke?  Could you please come hold my hand and help me with this decision?  I don’t have my Republican Woman Tools yet.”

So, I suspect I do not have to explain why Juanita came chasing after Thelma with a curling iron with intent to damage Thelma’s already over-processed hair.

Juanita said, “If anybody can make women look bad, leave it to a Republican woman.”

Juanita said that; yes, she did.