I Love Yew, Texas
Texas Republicans are a fun bunch. Their state convention is scheduled for this weekend in Dallas.
Jared Woodfill
There’s a guy named Jarred Woodfill running against incumbent Republican State Party Chairman Tom Mechler. Woodfill is the former chairman of the Harris County (think Houston) Republican Party.
And what’s the issue in this loudly contested race? Taxing? Spending? Climate change? Education? Jobs? Equally pay?
Of damn course not.
The issue is The Ho.Mo.Sex.U.Als.
The race for chairman of the Texas Republican Party has spawned charges that the party’s current leader, Tom Mechler, supports a “disgusting homosexual agenda.”
He even sent out a mailer to all the delegates about it. Woodfill claims that Mechler is disgusting because he (1) allowed the Log Cabin Republicans to have a booth at the convention, (2) did not get properly outraged about bathrooms in this time of bathroom outrage, and (3) did not move the convention from Dallas, a well-known ho.mo.sex.u.al haven.
Up until this minute, I did not know that Dallas was a gay prom date dream destination. Let’s see, Houston has had a wildly popular gay mayor recently so that’s out. San Antonio is where the Godless Democrats are meeting. Fort Worth has school superintendents who love all God’s children. Corpus Christi has way too many Mexicans. You know, that doesn’t leave any cities with a convention center. I mean, they could have their convention in Lufkin but I doubt that the Super 8 and the Day’s Inn have big enough meeting rooms to accommodate that much hate, although I am certain that they have No Gays Allowed signs preprinted and ready to go.
I suspect there will be a tent revival on the agenda and I’ll keep you informed best I can without actually going there or even looking straight at it.
Just let them meet outside. They can wear their hoods and robes and burn crosses outside.
1I hear Uganda is nice this time of year. The haters have already dispatched clergy and missionaries to Uganda to preach the word of hate. The path is paved, so take a hike snacilbupeR, to your new home, Uganda.
2Well, Ms. Juanita has made disparaging remarks about Lufkin, where I live. Just for the record, we have more than enough hotel rooms for a convention. Because Lufkin is home to the Texas Pentecostal Congregation. The Pentecostals have a “university” here. And we have lots and lots of hotel rooms that are invaded monthly by pudgy ugly men and women with long uncut hair and ankle length denim skirts. Denim? Why? Denim skirts? Why oh why?
Yes, lots and lots of hotel rooms. I can only imagine that the online porn downloads spike regularly with the Pentecostal monthly get together.
So Lufkin is already hone to that much hate. Bring it on.
3Well, that’s a colorful mailer. Did Jared use his own crayons to color in the ho.mo.sex.u.al word?
4This just in. Somewhere in a just fabulous bar, in Texas. A straw poll was taken.Results are..Ted the face most in need of a fist, Donnie The face the tops would most like to bang really hard. and Marco the cutest ass. No votes for the dems.
5Time for WOODfill to drop trou.
6Wow! If Jesus his ownself were to appear before this guy, Woodfill’s attention still wouldn’t budge from his topic!
7I’d love to see Jesus appear before this glassbowl, smack his face, and loudly remind him, “I didn’t say ONE WORD about homosexuals, but I said plenty about hypocrites who make a big stink out of how ‘religious’ they are and don’t know jack about what I actually taught!”
8“… I’ll keep you informed best I can without actually going there or even looking straight at it.”
HaHa – I see what you did there.
9Woodfill just needs to come on out of that closet.
10Can I have a rousing round of “I hate snacilbupeR and I always have/will” from the gallery?
11The late, great Ann Richards once said that the key to understanding Texas politics is the “three Gs – God, Guns and Gays.”
This is just more proof that she was right.
I miss Ann. Almost as much as I miss Molly Ivins.
12I think I might take a trip far, far away when convention season opens fire.
13I hear’d theys rohm at the in in ElPaso.
14Waitaminute!
What happened to that “Big Tent” of Lee Atwater’s?
That big sucker must be in storage somewhere……
15