I Love Yew, Texas
Hawkins, Texas, is in east Texas between the towns of Hoard, Texas and Hideaway, Texas. I could not make that up.
Here’s the mayor of Hawkins, Texas, standing in front of the sign welcoming you to the city.
I do not believe that the mayor thinks he’s Jesus but I’m not a expert on this subject. And as far as I know, Jesus is not a member of the Chamber of Commerce.
It seems that the mayor is adamant that this sign is gonna stay, dammit.
But if those sissy librul east coast snotty atheists make him take it down, he says …
A Texas town is heatedly debating what to do with a large sign on public property that reads, “Jesus Welcomes you to Hawkins,” with the town’s mayor this week stating if their sign comes down, so do all signs across the country referencing Superman.
“If you don’t believe that Jesus existed then he would be fiction,” Hawkins mayor Will Rogers told local television station KLTV. “If he’s fiction, and you want to remove his name from everything, then you have to remove every fiction name from across the country. That means we couldn’t say ‘Superman welcomes you to town.’”
Okay, I just have a couple of things to say here. First, I believe that Jesus existed and is not fiction. However, I do not think he welcomes you to Hawkins. And I’m just wondering why God and the Holy Ghost got short shift of this deal.
Second, why the hell would Superman welcome you to Hawkins? I mean, if you think about it, and you probably shouldn’t, Superman would be even less likely than Jesus to even know where Harkins is or have time to welcome you.
1,320 souls abide in Hawkins. Maybe we should move that down to 1,318 since we have deduced that neither Jesus or Superman live in Hawkins as previously advertised.
Thanks to Anne for the heads up.
I think a little yellow paint would fix the sign in a moment:
Put an accent over the U and you’re done!
1I love his “I dare y’all” look. It’s so in these days among pseudo Christians defending “God’s” territory.
I should go to Hawkins. I don’t believe I’ve ever been welcomed anywhere by Jesus. It’d be a bonus on my resume in certain circles.
2Jesus (pronounced hay-zoos) probably does live there. I think it’s great to have a Latino as the face of their welcome wagon. Ah, progress.
3I say religious people are liars. As shown here…jesus aint doin’ nuttin’, so the mythic ahole is not able to welcome you.
4So they state as a fact that which is impossible, so they are liars, so, a nice town not to be in.
JAKvirginia has it right. There may even be several residents named Jesus to form a welcoming committee…
5Ooh JJ, if the Father n the Son n the Holy Ghost welcomed you to town that would not be WASP! Unless it were white Anglo-Saxon papist…
6Good grief … Hawkins has Will Rogers as the mayor … how many more celebrities does one little podunk town need?
7What is truly sad is this doofus id’s as a democrat.
Like a member of the Democratic party.
and judging from him what exactly is the difference in texas? r’s pretending to be d’s are what? better spellers.
8Whether or not Jesus was fictional — and I think that if he was real he had very little in common with the usual image — he’s not standing there welcoming anybody to Hawkins, Texas. If Hawkinsites think they’re more Jesusy than the next town, they can quit that.
9Well, there goes Santa Claus, Indiana and Tarzana, California.
10Sorry, guys, our fault!
My cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, recently accepted a job driving the Hawkins Welcome Wagon, which doubles as a taco truck. Every new resident of Hawkins gets one free chorizo con papas taco, and an American flag beer coozy.
11There is no joy in Hawkinsville, mighty Heyzues has struck out. Next time go with ZUES the greek king of the gods!
12The authentic Will Rogers is spinning in his grave.
13Shame on you, daChipster. You really need to do better job keeping us informed! And I wish your cousin success in his new job. Hawkins should be proud to have him.
14Shoots Ronnie Raygun’s idyllic ‘murrica in the ass,too. The “Gipper” don’t appear to be too chipper after a number of years being dead,as opposed to senile.
15Why does Mayor Will hate America? His face mullet looks a little Fu Manchu.
daChipster, no need to apologize. What you and your cousin Jesus need to do is drive his taco truck on over to the shade under that sign. Should he accidentally set the sign on fire, oh well. Or as the pRick would say, “oops.”
BTW Should I ever have the misfortune of driving through Hawkins, TX will your cousin accept a trade like keeping the coaster and accepting a cold beer as thanks?
16Cheryl, old Will is not just spinning. He’s digging a tunnel!
17I wonder if Hawkins has legal counsel, to help sort these things out. I would guess that a brief letter from the TX ACLU would have that sign removed pretty quickly, cause I’m further guessing the town lacks sufficient cash to fight this in court. unless hizzoner is willing to bankroll it himself.
18Guess they didn’t get the memo about separation of church and state. Maybe Jesus Hachecristo can enlighten them in between welcome wagon runs.
19I may have imagined it (because if it wasn’t there it should have been there) but I’m pretty sure there was a sign with Superman on it when I passed through Metropolis, IL about 40 years ago.
20Copied the photo to send to someone and it came out larger. Dang, that mayor looks anything but welcoming. More of a “try and stop me” look.
21When I think about all the money we’d have to spend taking down signs on which super heroes welcomed people to their town, all across the country, I have to say that the mayor of whatever the hell the name of this town is has a point.
This guy could end up governor.
22As the saying goes, I spent 4 years one night in Hawkins. Not only does Jesus NOT welcome anyone arriving there, he doesn’t know Hawkins exists. If He did, He would miracle up a detour around the town to protect the innocent.
23daChipster, I’m vegan. May I have a nopal taco? They’re my favorite!
24At first glance I admit I thought that guy in the picture was the Jesus welcoming us to his town.
25What a YouTube video this would make.
Thunderous Voice From Heaven: “I never said you could put words in My mouth!”
Action: Lightning bolt vaporizes mayor, leaving large hole in the ground and the smoldering remains of the city’s greeting banner.
Thunderous Voice From Heaven: “Two points.”
26@ Maggieo Oklahoma # 17 Will may be digging a tunnel but I’d bet I’d bet it’s not back to Oklahoma. A quick search tells me Hawkins, TX is in Eastern TX maybe,or maybe not, Louie Gohmert country however the Gablers (Texas textbook critics and known wingnuts) resided there for a spell.
27Seems to me that Jesus would warn about a town where they used his name without his backing.
28