I Kinda Have My Doubts
Okay, we have a little fun game you can play along.
Donald Trump just said …
“If I win, all of the bad things happening in the U.S. will be rapidly reversed!”
Okay. All? Did you mean all in the sense of everything?
Racism
Acne
When your ice cream cone drips all over your hand
Comcast
Injustice
NFL Stars battering their wives
That thing when you run out of bobbin while sewing and you don’t know so you just keep on sewing but you’re not really sewing because you ran out of damn bobbin
Cancer
Tiger Wood’s golf swing
Ants at picnics
Baptists
Armed robbery
Chip-proof nail polish that always chips
Please feel free to add to the list.
Yeah, well, Obama was asked why he didn’t fix everyting about 8 minutes after the inauguration.
1Slow cars in the fast lane
2Linda Phipps, that shiftless Obama! Why didn’t he fix all of Dubya’s disasters the day before his inauguration? We know the snacilbupeR were working to finalize their obstruction plan(s) ahead of Obama’s inauguration.
Did Donnie just promise to clip $carah’s vocal cords?
3Hunger
4Homelessness
People who die while waiting for an organ donation
Sexism
Hate-spewing politicians
Drought
Zika Virus
Ebola
basically all the plagues — updated like AIDS and the above
climate change
facists and facism
slavery
and don’t fergeit,M&Ms chocolate always melts in my hand long before it ever gets close to my mouth. Even frozen chocolates.
5Lower back pain?
6Depression?
Mold?
Termites?
Repuplicans
7The “How I Met Your Mother” finale
All the debates
Fox News
Congress
Mass shootings
Individual shootings
Every horrible thing passed by congress
Every great thing blocked by congress
Trumps candidacy
my lack of a romantic life?
Fix that Donald!
8Donald Trump’s version of “bad things,” which has been plaguing America, will be reversed.
9Trump being taken seriously as a presidential candidate
10Cruz being taken seriously as a presidential candidate
Kasich being considered a “moderate”
Bernie supporters who won’t vote for Clinton in Nov.
Republican majorities in the House and Senate
climate change
deforestation
the surge of extinctions nearly all human-caused
my bad back
my bad knees
unadopted cats and dogs in shelters
the cats and dogs that haven’t made it to shelters
current music being so bland and boring compared with the stuff I grew up on
the NRA
tasty food being fattening
LGBT-bashing
those blasted ants that get into the kitchen
entropy
Freezing nights right after you set your plants outdoors.
11Mosquitoes
Holiday lights that won’t light because one bulb burned out.
Spiders in the house
Moss in the lawn
Rain right after you wash the car
Allergies
Walmart
Clueless rich white guys with bad hair-pieces pontificating about government regulation of American womens’ personal choices regarding pregnancy.
12Not just acne, but more particularly, acne among teen age boys. Hey, Trump, you ever try to get a date when your face is covered in acne. Go man, take care of it even if you are not elected!!
And how about the conspiracy among plant nurseries: You know, the one where the last killing frost of the season happens about two weeks after tomato plants go on sale at the local nursery.
And what about flatulence among 50year-old + lawyers, who stand up to address the Court or a jury, and rip a fart??? Take care of that and the people of America will erect a monument to you even if you loose the election!
13Find real jobs for the Palins
Stop the weekly snowstorms in MI-we’ve had one every week since March began…right when we started bragging about our ‘mild winter.” Two more on their way-tonight and tomorrow night.
Rabid evangelicals who want ‘their’ God installed as the leader of the USA.
Contraception for anyone who wants it-free and accessible.
(that’s how you end abortion, you idiot Republicans)
End Citizens United
Infrastructure building for the next 20 years so there is no more poisoned water like Flint.
No ME wars
End nuclear proliferation forever
Shut down Fox
Arrest anyone who signed the letter to Iran as a traitor to the US
End fracking everywhere
(Man, Trump is gonna be BU-SY)
14Nuclear power.
15Nuclear weapons.
Fracking.
Air pollution.
Police brutality.
Mass surveillance.
Environmental degradation.
Gohmert.
Gov. Greg Abbott.
16Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick.
Anti-sciencers on boards of education.
Small-dicked gun worshippers.
He sounds like he’should running for class president in Napoleon Dynamite’s school.
17Drumph will never tell a lie. So will the rest of them.
18wheat and gluten allergy
sugar addiction
not married to Olivia Newton John, Kim Baysinger, Christie Brinkley or Cheryl Tiegs
somewhat less than the typical white man’s vertical leap
somewhat to far less intelligent than Albert Einstein
less muy macho than Fernando Lamas
I’m waiting Donald every day until 3 for these bad things to be remediated. Back to 1967. No pressure.
19Brown-headed cowbirds
20Sea level rise
White nose syndrome in bats
Overfishing
Bad copy editors
Men who won’t read books by women
Gamergate
E-book piracy
Adulteration of drugs
Careless/lazy/ignorant/greedy food manufacturers
Law enforcement that breaks laws
Tea Party
Libertarians
Secessionists
NRA
Loose dogs chasing/killing livestock and game
Aging
Domestic violence
Sexual assaults in colleges
Guns on campuses
“School to prison highway”
War on Drugs
War on Women
War on Children
War on Persons of Color (esp. men)
Feedlots instead of pasture beef/pork
the “Border Wall”
Airlines’ war on passengers
Passenger Rail
…..etc, etc, etc.
People who leave their shopping carts in the aisle and walk off.
21Drivers who don’t signal for a turn until the last second, even though they see you waiting for them.
Toe nail fungus.
“Easy open” packaging that’s anything but.
Flabby upper arms.
Old men who walk around with their mouths open.
Time Warner Cable.
The neighbor who asked me if my vote “counted.”
Parents who don’t vaccinate their kids.
Anybody who starts a sentence with “I’m not a scientist…”
I Really Hate the Bobbin Thing!
22Slow wifi.
23Sports dominated by boys/men.
Fossil fuel use.
Corporate welfare.
Grotesque CEO income.
Any use of the prefix “bro”.
Texting while driving or walking.
Bullies.
Parents trying to live through their children.
Mean girls.
Mean boys.
Cancer, heart disease, stroke, alzheimer’s, dementia, birth defects, diabetes, obesity, autism, learning disabilities, free healthcare for all, yuge increases for education, free college, scrap the cap on social security, respect for teachers, unions, nurses, all public servants, guaranteed rights for LGBT’s, Voting Rights restored, Voter ID laws rescinded, strict regulation of Banks and Wall Street, mortgages secured,the War On Christians refuted, strict gun legislation, gun manufacturer’s held financially and criminally responsible for every single gun death, solar and wind replace coal and oil, fracking outlawed and the end of the Republican Party. Drumpf must resign!
24If Donald Trump reverses himself will that involve time travel? And might we end up in an endless loop of this Repub primary? (Sort of like a horror version of Groundhog Day.)
25OK, Donnie, in addition to all that other stuff already mentioned, you can get to work on
Ending ocean noise pollution that disorients whales and dolphins
26Ending all gerrymandered political districts
Setting standards and monitoring for home-schooled students in all states
Educating all Congresspersons in basic human biology
The bobbin thing — jeez, I feel like I just found another one of my tribes !!! xoxo to all people who sew.
27For starters
28Mississippi,
Louisiana,
Alabama
oklahoma
S carolina
N Carolina
Utah
tennessee
georgia
Idaho
House centipedes (those damn things are disgusting and FAST!)
29The skunk that walks past my bedroom window every night during the summer
The unconscionable number of calories and fat grams in fettuccini alfredo
The kid in my second grade class who spends most of the day with his finger digging around in his nostril
The Great Ice Shelf in Antarctica melting
30Duke Energy dumping Arsenic in holding ponds and then the dam breaking and that water spilling into a river from which drinking water is drawn — and nothing happens to Duke’s CEO
Unwed mothers
Deadbeat fathers
Kim Jung Un
Putin
Inequality
Citizens United
War on Women
War on Drugs
War on anyone with more pigment in their skin than Trump
Mitch McConnell
Voter suppression in neighborhoods that are likely to vote Democratic
Mother Theresa died. How did he allow that to happen?
The battery in my mouse dying just at a crucial moment in my game
Incorrect use of the verbs “lie” and “lay.”
31No pets allowed hotels
Littering
Pepperoni made from anything but pork.
32Citizens United
33Antiabortion laws
Hate radio
Voting restrictions
“Religious freedom”
Prosperity gospel
Reality TV
Although it’s already been listed: toenail fungus
34potholes
squirrels in the attic
squirrels on the bird feeder
squirrels in the legislature
Clean up the water in Michigan and everywhere else the corporations have dumped their chemicals
35The Koch brothers and their minion politicians
NFL non-profit status
Cops killing or harassing people for no reason other than they can
Banks
Moochers, grifters, & evil people like Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, Pat Robertson, et al
Squirrels eating all the bird seeds even when they have their own food
Trump’s own followers
Strong winds knocking over humongous trees
Stupid people and their guns
anti-vaxxers
Incorrect use of apostrophes. And the bobbin thing! (And forgetting to lower the presser foot on thick fabric and making a rat’s nest of thread on the back of the seam)
36Yes, yes. Please fix the empty bobbin thing. I’ve got miles to sew before I sleep.
37Get rid of Koch brothers and all their ilk.
Write investment information and insurance policies in word of no more than two syllables, in English.
Wasps.
Neighbors that let their ‘pet’ cats run wild.
It would seem most everything in the entire U.S. of A. and around the World has been covered in these 37 comments! I don’t believe there is anything I can add within Comment 38.
38Post nasal drip
39YES!! Please fix the damn bobbin problem.
40The adoration of clueless conservasheep for people who spend their entire careers stabbing them in the back.
41I remembered a few more things:
42ice melting and polar bears dying
bees dying
fix all the potholes
horrible rush hour(s) traffic
More specifically, Alzheimer’s in humans. (We are doing great on curing it in mice now.) Throw in Lewy body dementia, too. It may be even harder for patients and families.
43Dogs who think they need to go out in the night to run off the skunk in the yard. Not funny, guys.
Yes, the bobbin thing. Also the thing where you run out of paint with a little strip left to go, and the next batch doesn’t quite match.
Ted Cruz’s voice – sound and contents both. Though I figure if Trumpkin gets elected, we might indeed hear a little less from DetesTed.
pay checks that run out before bills do.
44cell phone use of any kind while driving
45Soon of a gun! The reincarnation of Merlin the Magician! Just gave into his eyes . . . No, don’t do that. There isn’t enough brain scrub in the world to get rid of what you would see!
46Lost adult teeth that immediately regrow perfectly.
47If it’s not too much to ask . . . the Cubs win the Series?
48Incontinence in older women..
49Yes lazrgirl! This too! “(And forgetting to lower the presser foot on thick fabric and making a rat’s nest of thread on the back of the seam)”
I hate that too!
50