I have questions
Okay, we’ve been dealing with some serious stuff over the last several weeks, so here is something from the lighter side of the news. Feel free to insert air quotes around news at any time. A “news” report is circulating around Facebook from a group that calls themselves the Belmont News Network. Apparently, a 24 year old woman is convinced that she was impregnated by Big Foot. See, it’s a logical conundrum. Her 53 year old husband is apparently sterile, so there is no other logical explanation.
She went on a camping trip with her friends and one thing apparently led to another. Apparently Sasquatch has some game. Was alcohol involved? Come on, what kind of ridiculous question is that? Of course alcohol was involved. Maybe Big Foot brought in some meth as well. A Sasquatch gotta do what a Sasquatch gotta do. Hubby is not having any of it. Apparently, he’s going to give that hairy beast a piece of his mind when he sees him.
It’s at this point that I need to point out two important things. There is nothing remotely on the level about this story. It’s not even a particularly original piece of satire. Ultimately, it’s an important piece for a couple of reasons. First, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to tell fact from fiction. It used to be that you knew straight off that something was completely bogus. The tabloids would ring out their tried and true farce stories on the daily. Someone saw Big Foot the other day. Some actor has put on a ridiculous amount of weight. This aging star will die next week. Sonny Bono was elected to Congress. You know these tales. Occasionally they could combine some for some real entertainment. What if Big Foot discovered a miracle diet plan?
The second part of this is something I commonly refer to as magical thinking. Obviously this story is false, but the details in the story could be tweaked to reveal real beliefs by real people. Instead of believing the simplest and most logical explanation both seem to jump to the ridiculous. Is the belief that Trump is somehow still president, really sacrificed anything by being a soldier a fortune, or that JFK Jr. is still alive any less bizarre? Naturally, the fact that these people seem eerily immune to simple follow up questions is fantastical in a clinical sense.
Alright. I have one question for hubby in this scenario. If we are to assume that Sasquatch exists then wouldn’t it also make sense that there would be more than one Sasquatch? Big Foot is clearly a mammal. Clearly you believe that Big Foot reproduces sexually. So, wouldn’t it be logical that there would be multiple Sasquatch (what is the plural for Sasquatch)? If that is the case, then how could hubby possibly give him a piece of his mind? What if it is the wrong Sasquatch? Could this Sasquatch be given a polygraph? Would you need a warrant for DNA testing? I just have too many questions.
Bogfoots cousin, Yeti, would like to say hi y’all!!!
1Hahaha! 10 to 1 Sasquatch was wearing a pizza delivery shirt as well.
This one always gets me smiling also …
2‘Have I Been Having Sex With a Ghost?’
https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/have-i-been-having-sex-with-a-ghost/Content?oid=34119201
I don’t know that this is story is any less believable than much of the Qrepugnatican party conspiracy theories. There’s the far left cabal, pizzagate and HRC, Covid vaccines injecting electronic devices, etc. etc. (and many more).
3What? Big Foot discovered a miracle diet plan?? Where can I sign up???
4I can’t read the Facebook article, but need to know, was it consensual? If not, did she report the incident to police? If it was consensual, perhaps her husband might want to buy her flowers on occasion if she willingly chose Bigfoot on the hard ground over hubby on a mattress.
5Sounds like a bad porno movie plot.
6And she’s 24 and hubby is 53?
Makes you go “Hmm?”
I forgot to add that detail. The sex was apparently non-consensual according to the wife. Can one charge Sasquatch with sexual assault? Who exactly would be a jury of his peers? Is he competent to stand trial? Just so many questions.
7Nick, You’ve been watching waaay too much of the “MonsterQuest” program on the Quest teevee subchannel network.
Around here they air 2, hour long programs starting ~midnight [just before the 2 program Mayday block at 1AM], and rerun the whole series multiple times.
“Hunting Hitler” runs 2 hours at 6AM too [WTF? You thought he died in Berlin ’45?].
There are at least 6 of ~68 episodes about Sasquatchs:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MonsterQuest
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quest_(American_TV_network)
http://www.questtv.com/
8Thank you, Nick, for this lively break from the usual horrors of the day!
9Sandridge, I’ve watched none of that which is probably why I have so many questions. Maybe if I had I wouldn’t have all these questions.
10Well, she’s gotta blame someone for the pregnancy, apart from her boyfriend . (wonder if hubby knows she has a boyfriend ?)
11I believe the plural of Sasquatch is Freedom Caucus.
12Sasquai…they’re lurking everywhere.
13I just saw a report that some freedom caucus types want to expel fellow members for not being big enough jerks.
14If the baby resembles Majorie Taylor Greene then the father was a sasquatch which would make her a sasqc**t.
15It was so much easier in ancient Greece:
“No, really – there was this shower of gold, and suddenly Zeus appeared! The stable boy had nothing to do with this!”
16Nick @10, Maybe you should watch some. Quest reruns a lot of History channel, et al programs.
In the Houston area it’s a free OTA channel and also on ca/sat ones [Stormchasers is on this evening, one of my favorites, as a weathernut] :
HOUSTON, TX
KTBU Channel 55.1
Charter: 34
Xfinity: 55/614/1055
AT&T: 55
Phonoscope: 73
Telecommunications Management: 178
BEAUMONT, TX
KBMT Channel 12.8
.
17As far as the MAGAot Trumpanzees, they’re getting even bolder, we have to bury them in the next election.
But even the seemingly ‘neutral’ media [despite the howls of RWNJs] is clearly stacked against us. It’s an uphill climb.
I’ll have to check it out. I just remember when Weekly World News was sold at the grocery store. Batboy would make an appearance every so often. I think the key is to know sources first and then people will know whether it is satire or not based on the source. I still remember someone at school seriously quoting the Onion and I had to contain my laughter.
On a serious note, I don’t think the left vs. right argument even serves us anymore. It is more an decency vs. indecency or corruption vs. honesty. Listening to Boobert prattling on about “high crimes and misdemeanors” is a great example. Yes, you can read. Congratulations. Now comes the next test of human intellect. What high crimes or misdemeanors has he committed? Crickets? Bueller?
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