I Don’t Know If I Told You
o
Juanita is beginning to think that life is a constant struggle against people who are not evil, just dumb.
Take Buck Pochek for example. Buck doesn’t have the energy it takes to be evil. Buck is just dumb. Teabagger dumb.
The other day Buck was trying to argue that he has a right to as many AK-47s as he wants so that he can defend his trailer, which by the way contains the largest collection of empty beer cans in southeast Texas, not exactly a collection, just a lot of empty beer cans he calls a collection, and a semi-valuable glow in the dark Elvis painting on velvet that was rendered by an artist in Gulfport, Mississippi, from government forces.
“You would be hard pressed to find a government force anywhere on the planet with an interest in the contents of Buck’s doublewide or his brain,” Juanita explains. “Buck does have a giant pickle jar of pennies, but I hardly think that would make a dent in the national debt George Bush gave us.”
“Buck thinks government forces are out to get him and put him in a re-education camp. Hell, that’s not a bad idea since the first education didn’t seem to take,” Juanita explains.
“So, I asked him what the hell good did his AK47 do when the government has nuclear weapons. And something called an air strike. I asked him, ‘Buck, our founding fathers might have thought that having guns could protect them against a government with guns, but now we have a government with nukes. Do you think you should be allowed to own nukes?'”
“Well, hell, yeah,” Buck answered. “We could get us one of them nuclear standoffs. If it worked for Russia and the United States of Damn America, it’ll work just dandy between me and Barack Obama.”
“Buck, if you can have a nuclear weapon, then so can your Ex-Mrs. Wonderful, Carol Sue. Carol Sue has tried to shoot you three times and you having a gun didn’t scare her a bit,” Juanita tried to reason. “You want Carol Sue to have a nuke?”
“Carol Sue cannot afford a nuke,” Buck reasoned back.
“Buck, neither can you, what with the child support payments to Carol Sue and the small fact that you are living on residuals from a slip and fall accident.”
“Yeah,” Buck continued, “But I enter the lottery every week and I’m gonna win that sucker and when I do, I’m buying me a nuke. I’m a great American who believes in the 2nd amendment.”
Dear Lord, do not let Buck win the lottery. Or if you do, please let him get distracted by shiny things and buy a NASCAR and a beach house in Gulfport, Mississippi.