Holy Crap: We Were Wondering Who Did That Edition
The problem is that when some catastrophic event happens, all the teevee evangelists jump up like bullfrogs in a frying pan to blame the gays, the wicked, the drunks, and me.
Prayin’ Pastor Kills 22 People
Finally. We have an honest one. Please meet Church on the Rock Pastor John Benefiel, who says the floods in Texas in 2007 were his fault. Why he just now got around to fessin’ up is anybody’s guess but it might have been that 22 people died and thousands lost their homes in that flood. I suspect he was waiting for the statute of limitation to grab hold.
Benefiel says he prayed too hard. His plan was to end the drought of 2007 by using “a ‘divorce decree’ to severe Baal’s hold on drought-stricken states like Texas and Oklahoma.”
Now he realizes that he should have just medium prayed instead of going turbo.
However, he is not taking the rap alone. The Holy Spirit must shoulder some of the blame.
“And at one point and every lake of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri were at or above flood stage,” the pastor noted. “And that’s what Chuck [Pierce] had prophecized, that when you see this happen, those are areas targeted for a Holy Spirit invasion.”
Well, if that is true, and best I know it likely could be, the Holy Spirit did not plant a flag and take up residence because there’s still gays, wicked people, drunks, and me in Texas.
Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.
So, God is omnipotent, but he can be manipulated by a doofus like this clown. I don’t thinks so.
1Yumpen Yimminy , I thought it was caused by a bunch of college kids doing a rain dance naked under a full moon.
2and I thought it was cuz I sneezed!
3Did I ever tell y’all about the time I burped & we got 3 feet on snow in 1997?
4“a ‘divorce decree’ to severe Baal’s hold on drought-stricken states like Texas and Oklahoma.”
This coulda been a line out of Ghostbusters!
Just another day in the Bible Belt. Sad that so many morons drop so much money on Grifter-Preachers.
5Huh. I bet he doesn’t believe in global climate change being related to human activities either, and drives his humongous Hummer all around to his preaching appointments. (I made that part up, about his having a Hummer. Does anyone have a Hummer any more?) Okay, maybe he invests in coal fired power plants and fracking companies. I mean, just in case he really wants to be blamed for the flooding.
6Tesla could help customers go off the grid | The Raw Story
7http://www.rawstory.com/…/tesla-could-help-customers-go-off-t…
The Raw Story
5 hours ago – Church on the Rock Pastor John Benefiel (Vimeo) … of blowfly’s wingbeats · Pentagon recognizes climate change as a serious national security …
Somehow when I think of spirits in connection with this guy the first one that comes to mind is gin.
8If he thinks he prayed to end the drought and caused killer floods, he must think his god is a senile idiot.
9Marge Wood: Ahnold Schwartzenegger has an Austrian tank that his buddy Dick Cheney
10helped him get past homeland security regs,
so a Hummer is not past the realm of possibility.
Pastor John suffers from delusions, including that of grandeur.
It’s funny – but these tribulations always seem to hit the Bible Belt more than the Godless heathens. Florida gets hit with hurricanes, Tornado Alley gets their tornados – and San Francisco only gets hit with an earthquake once every hundred years or so.
(California’s drought is mainly impacting the heavily-Republican farming areas in the Central Valley)
Food for thought… perhaps the Almighty is punishing people for electing Republicans?
11And the moral of the story is: don’t pray too hard! And BTW, who the hell is Baal?
12Methinks Pastor John has divorced himself from reality and severed his mind from anything resembling reasonable thought.
13He confesses to mass murder in Texas and no one has arrested him? I would figure you guys would be warming up the execution chamber over this.
14Is he responsible for the current drought? Sounds like he is.
15Monty, Baal was the competitive deity to the Hebrew Supreme Being. I kinda remember that when Moses went up the mountain to communicate with the SB he was gone so long his people had a collective panic attack and built an idol and an altar to Baal, usually depicted as an overgrown bovine, and offered sacrifice. When Moses finally came down from the mountain carrying laws inscribed on stone, he threw those stone tablets down in a rage and destroyed them. The Baal thing was over in a minute.
16I am particularly fond of the story of Elijah going after the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18. Chorus Austin is singing Mendelssohn’s Elijah which contains this story, among others, of Elijah’s life.
17maryelle, I believe that Arnold Schwartzenegger was the first owner of a Hummer in the U.S.
Marge, I still see commercial Hummers in Austin, TX. Most of them have trouble staying in their own lane. (We also get military ones since we are close to Fort Hood, but I don’t count those. They also know how to drive them.)
18And it used to be that every time I wore velvet, it rained. No longer happens. Two, three, and five years of drought in three different Brazilian states ended with my arrival; not long after my plane landed. Prayer had nothing to do with it.
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