Holy Crap: Shooting Dice Under the Crucifixion Edition
Remember when I told you a while ago that Super Deluxe Brand Christian and Megachurch pastor John Hagee had endorsed one of the Republican doofuses (would that be doofi?) running for Lt. Governor? And that he had endorsed Dan Patrick?
Dan Patrick: Now you know why he went into radio.
You might recall Dan as the guy who declared bankruptcy, built his empire of hidden assets back up but still refuses to repay those he screwed with the bankruptcy because “the law does not require it.” Yeah, the guy with zero morals.
Anyway, another of the doofi (I’ve come to like that word), Jerry Patterson, put on Facebook that Dan Patrick was lying like a horse thief caught by the posse. Patterson claims that Hagee never endorsed Dan. It kinda went like this.
Susan Rouse, a volunteer with the Patterson campaign, said she phoned Hagee Ministries and asked if it was true that Pastor Hagee had endorsed Dan Patrick. When the secretary asked why she wanted to know, she replied that she was “surprised that Pastor Hagee would endorse DP due to his “negative factual history.”
Whoa, cool zinger!
So then Patterson said he had an email from Hagee saying that he didn’t endorse Patrick. But, Patterson can’t produce that email now so … well, you know how a liar’s contest goes, whoever talks last wins.
The last word came from Hagee who said he does indeed endorse Dan Patrick.
And I am certain that Patrick paid for it fair and square. Now if the check bounces ….
Damn, this is fun.
Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.
I’ve always followed the mushroom rule: if a word ends in “us,” such as “fungus,” then the singular must end in “ii,” like “fungii.”
That would make the word “doofii.”
And I love it, too!
1For Hagee, it has to be a big check, or, most likely, cash on the barrelhead.
2Charles Patrick, unfortunately, you’re a little bit mistaken. The plural of fungus is fungi, thus, doofi is correct. And Hagee, Patrick, and the lot of them are, indeed, doofi.
3Do they even have the brainpower to realize they have been re-barrassed? Thats when it would hurt and work!
4We’re building up a powerful glossary here:
5n. doofus, pl. doofi. Can also be used as a verb, as in “He doofed all of them.” although there are some disagreements about the form.
gohmert, pl. gohmerts. Can also be used as a verb or an adjective, as in “hey, you guys are gohmerts better at this than I am.”
rebarrass, past tense, rebarrassed. Used with “to” as in “it was impossible to rebarrass them.”‘
Y’all put the definitions in.
In Latin ae indicates a plural… Doofae (doof i ) although I’m also quite fond of doofoid which adds a nice element of science fiction weirdness which works really well for this guy.
6Are these doofi fighting over Hagee because there was no one more extreme available to endorse them? Before the primary is over, the 4 doofi seeking the GOP nomination for Lt. Governor will be fighting over Orly Taitz’ and Joe Arpai’s endorsement. The final battle may be over who gets Sarah Palin’s endorsement.
Am I overlooking someone whose endorsement will be meaningful to Texas tea party GOP primary voters?
7Zyxomma, who is “Charles Patrick?”
Nice explanation, by the way, and thanks!
8About the Latin plurals, Zyxomma is correct; others are wrong. Masculine nouns, which end in “-us,” take the “-i” plural, as in alumnus/alumni. Feminine nouns, ending in “-a,” take the “-ae” plural, as in alumna/alumnae. It’s true that most (though not all) of Texas’ doofi are male.
9There are lies, damned lies, and Republicans talking.
10Is it the water down Texaas way that makes all the men so darn purty? OMG
11I do appreciate it when bought endorsers stay bought. Bravo.
12I remember when Patrick was the week-end sports guy on KHOU. On Sunday nights during football season, he’d come out without a shirt with his chest painted Oiler blue and jump up and down and scream a lot. Well, till KHOU fired him that was. It was shortly after that he started KSEV. IMO, he’d have done better staying a weekend sports guy somewhere. At least he was less of thug back then. I lived in Spring Branch from ’91 till Shrub’s recession got me laid off and I couldn’t find another job. He “represented” me for a long time there. I ran out of money and had to move back to “Dogpatch” MO where right now it’s 5* out. Of course if Patrick hadn’t gotten into politics, he wouldn’t be nearly as rich as he is now. But then again, as it is with a lot of ReTHUGli$cum politicians, it’s all about the money anyway.
Oh, as to words the plural of which end in i, back when I was college I worked a couple of summers at the tourist trap known as “Silver Dollar City”. Known by it’s employees as “sucks your dollars City”. It wasn’t nearly as big a deal as it is now but this was the mid ’70s. We called the tourists “touri”.
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