Holy Crap: It’s Cheesy Edition
This cheesecake fresh from the oven.
The Arizona Republic reports that when the family in Scottsdale, Ariz., pulled their dessert out of the oven, it cracked as it cooled and formed a crucifix.
The family members, who have not given their names publicly, say the crucifix is a message.
The family calls it a “holiday miracle.”
Yeah, okay, but I think the real message is that you can’t cook for crap.
Thanks to Barbie for the heads up.
That’s T for Texas and T for Tennessee.
T for Thelma, the gal that made a wreck out of me.
Johnny Cash has Risen!
1This is what my mother used to dub an “earthquake cake.”
2Seriously? Crack in a cheesecake…………well, it is Arizona…..
3Well that is really something.
Call me when you’ve fed 4000 people with that cheesecake. Then you’ve got my attention.
4(and not by auctioning the cheesecake on eBay, then buying 4000 pizzas with the proceeds)
It is a Cheese-us cake!
5And sometimes a t-shaped crack in a cheesecake is just a t-shaped crack in a cheesecake. Sheesh!!!
6We have a new Second Amendment Hero in Ohio!
https://southernbeale.wordpress.com/2015/05/04/congratulations-unidentified-oh-man-youre-our-2nd-amendment-hero-du-jour-2/
7OK, Looney Tunes, that’s too funny!
Since when did a “cross” become a crucifix, anyway?
8According to legend, the Christian god once spoke in grand gestures … raising the dead, parting the seas, turning rivers to blood, healing lepers and so forth.
Now he only speaks in toast and cake and various other food items. So sad. How the mighty have fallen.
9I want a Jesus shaped heating element for my toaster so I get a Jesus image every time I toast a piece of bread.
10@ Micr, in case you thought there wasn’t one:
http://www.burntimpressions.com/jesus-toasters.php
There’s a Virgin Mary version too.
11Mark – I had the same thought.
Got up this morning, got all clean,
Put some bread in the toast machine.
Started coffee, got a plate,
Turned on morning news at 8:00.
Heard about the latest nuts
Who thru God hated gay folks’ guts.
Then up popped, at last, my toast
And there he was: the Holy Ghost!
So, reverent as I am,
I slathered him in purple jam
‘Cause that’s the color God loves most
And then I ate the Holy Ghost.
Later on I visited Mom
And told her of my sacred nom
And, being mom, she offered me,
A snack, as yummy as could be:
She warmed over an old tortilla
And then she cried “Oh God, I see ya!”
For there within the flatbread’s limn
She could discern the face of Him
Who cast the stars within their courses
And invented dogs and horses.
His Holy image was in view
As I ate God, the Father, too.
Back home my wife had set to bake
A super-scrumptious chocolate cake.
She lavished it with lotsa lovin’
Then popped it in the kitchen oven.
But when done it seemed a loss
For on its top appeared a cross.
Undaunted, still, I simply iced
Over the death stick of the Christ.
I made the frosting like his face
And then I blessed it, just in case
I was like Lucifer pre-Fall.
Then I ate Jesus, Cross and all.
I pondered on the Trinity
12And how it was inside of me:
Despite the power to create
The world and everything, of late
It seemed as though their power had waned
Except in cooking, there it gained.
I asked my self, what kind of God
Appears in breading on baked scrod?
If I can see God in key lime
Sunday’s I’ll have more free time.
And the only gig that they have left
Is guest judging on Iron Chef.
Bravo, daChipster! The Ballad of the Eaten God is another coup de grasse (lemon, that is)
13To prevent cracks in your cheesecake:
14When the internal temperature of a cheesecake rises beyond 160 degrees F. while baking, it will always crack. To prevent this from happening, use an instant-read thermometer to test its doneness. Take it out of the oven when the cheesecake reaches 150 degrees F. at the center to avoid over baking.
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The Missus in AZ overcooked her cheesecake … God had nothing to do with it!! More like the Devil since the heat was on!! She may want to reread the message!!
————
DaChipster … you are AMAZING!! :0)
@Rhea
15I can die happily now! I may have seen everything…
Bragging about your cooking ineptness is an interesting ploy. Just like your flag decal, it will not get you into Heaven.
16I’ve had cakes and breads crack like that and didn’t know it was supposed to be a religious experience. I just thought I had baked them too long….
17Thanks to daChipster–that versifying made my day. Sorry for the folks with the ruined cheesecake, but at least it provided some actual literary inspiration!
18I hear that Sarah Palin was baking a cheesecake for her Wicca meeting and it cracked in the shape of a pentagram.
19Umpty, that’s cruelty to Wiccans dude
20I would never be so rude
To saddle them with Sarah P
When they just want to be let be
The one commandment that we need
is captured in the Wiccan Rede
Those fine words should echo still
“An’ ye harm none, bake what you will.”
Marcia, you beat me to it! No miracle involved here.
21da Chipster, Poet Laureate of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon!
22Yup, what Marcia in CO and Rubymay said..no miracle..just bad baking.
23Chipster, you must have had Johnny Cash on the Brian, because your extraordinarily good effort sounds like Coaine Blues to me. Fab.
24Brain, spellcheck. What’s wrong with brain?
25daChipster-if you are what you eat,are you god now and if so please make me young,thin,rich and funny. Thank you in advance, e p onion.
26Wow. this cheesecake was doing crack?
27Da Chipster: True, your point I see –
28Wiccans would disavow Sarah P.
Nondenominational will do just as well
For that despicable, predictable bat from hell!
The real miracle is that the outer rim of the cheesecake forms an almost perfect circle, representing Gaia.
Or it’s a taijitu, the yin and yang symbol.
Or possibly it’s just pi.
29That’s just plain dumb: it’s God warning us about the San Andreas Fault.
30