Holy Crap! Fun With Guns! Hell, It’s a Two-Fer!
Thank Yew, Kentucky!
Well, I’ve heard of shotgun weddings, but really where grandma get shot.
Detective Cory Golightly was attending a wedding in a church. He adjusted his jacket, his gun fell out, went off, and shot his mother.
Church members seemed a tad surprised that thing “weren’t chaotic.”
“He was so calm,” she said. “He said, ‘Mom, breathe and be calm. Be calm.'”
Yeah Mom, don’t pull out your own gun and shoot me.
Thanks to Da Chipster for the heads up.
Just in time for Mother’s Day!
1New tee shirt: Keep Calm & Shoot Your Mom.
2Good grief. COULD she still breathe?
3Holy lead in a vestibule! “Stay calm, Mom!” Maybe not the dumbest thing he could have said, but he may wish he saved those words for when Mom recovers sufficiently to pistol whip his punk ‘derringer.’
4I had to go to the link to be sure, but his last name really IS “Golightly!”
5Be a Mother’s Day she is not likely to forget (or forgive). For the mother who has everything-a trip to the emergency room compliments of least favorite child.
Don’t the noise makers go off after the ceremony?
6Damn, I will never forget the Mother’s Day where I was given a new vacuum cleaner . . . and nobody gave a flying fig about my breathing!
7maggie, was the person who gave you the vacuum cleaner still breathing?
8Golightly? Did Holly have children?
9And then the church organist played from Barbara Striesands’ album:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memories_(Barbra_Streisand_album)
Track 1: “Memory, we’ll never forget this”…
102 “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers, Yet”,
3 “My Heart Belongs to Me, not Glock”,
4 “New York State of Mind, I’ll Soprano you when I get out of hospital”,
5 “No More Tears (Enough is Enough)”, you SOB!”,
6 “Comin’ In and Out of Your Life, one bullet at a time”,
7 “Evergreen, my grave will be”
8 “Lost Inside of You, surgically”,
9 “The Love –Lead– Inside”,
10 “The Way We Were, before sonny gunned momma down”
OMG. If I’d winged my sainted mother I’d have slept with one eye open for 7 years after she finally died. That woman bore a grudge for two lieftimes.
11I read it again. Didn’t register the first time that Bozo is a detective. I’d like that to read “was” a detective, since he obviously doesn’t know how to handle a deadly weapon.
People with driver’s licenses still do dumb and fatal things, but I’d really like to see what a gun-owner’s license, with a similar test beforehand, would do to our Stupid Fatality rate.
12This is a sort of time-traveling Darwin’s Law in that he would have needed to shoot his mother before she gave birth to him.
13Rhea, they thought they were doing the right thing! Bless their hearts. All things considered, that is probably one of the best Mother’s Day’s I’ve ever had. There was one where I was out on a ladder painting the house. The women neighbors actually gave me husband hell. The nicest thing they said to him was, “You could at least take her to Micky D’s for a burger!!!!” they had a hard time understanding why I didn’t just off him instead of painting. Our wedding anniversary occurred just before Mother’s Day. He gave me something sweet but I didn’t have the dough to give him anything even though he said he didn’t want anything. That sort of thing just didn’t wash with me so I told him I would keep my promise to help him finish painting the house and I did. Never regretted it. Now, Golightly’s mother just might have one humungous regret . . .
14Maggie, one Mother’s Day, coming home from a day working at MY SECOND JOB I was greeted by 5 baskets of clean laundry that needed to be folded. That NEVER EVER happened again.
15Best Mother’s Day gift ever. My elder son, who lives 3,000 miles away called and told me to watch for a delivery of my gift. I told him he shouldn’t have, but kept an eye out anyway. He called every few hours to see if it had been delivered, but no luck yet.
16By late afternoon nothing had been delivered, so I thought it might come the next day. He called again and told me to look on the front porch again. I reluctantly opened the door and found…HIM!
I can’t wait to see how Mother’s Day this year goes about in that house. He was lucky he was not in Texas, as others have said: she would have shot him right back with a gun of her own.
17I’m glad I don’t have kids…..
18If I had shot my mother and told her to “Be calm” she’d have levitated off the floor, yanked the firearm out of my hand, and clobbered me with it–including if she had just died.
(She was the “Accidents don’t ‘happen’; they’re caused” person.) Of course, neither she nor I ever entered a church bearing any weapons other than the ones between our ears. It’s disrespectful. At the least. And carrying a weapon so that it and the holster will fall on the floor if you “adjust” your jacket is…so far beyond stupid-careless/careless-stupid that its population sign isn’t in the rearview mirror.
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