Holy Crap: Daddy Cruz ‘N Sweet Jesus
This is one of those things you look around to make sure isn’t satire because it sounds like satire, but isn’t.
Rafael Cruz, the father of Tea Party-backed Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), told a conservative media watchdog this week that it was doing what Jesus wanted by fighting the “liberal media.”
I have this image of Sweet Jesus holding a boom box up next to his head, swinging a bat at Rachel Maddow and Ed Schultz and there’s little “Kapow! Bam! Whup!” signs all around Jesus. And there’s Cruz & Son Funeral Home gathering up the remains and sending the bill to Barack Obama.
And that’s not satire either. That could really happen. You know, except for the Jesus part. I’m pretty sure that Jesus pretty much adores Rachael Maddow.
Thanks to Irene for the heads up.
It’s really interesting how by changing just one word in this sentence it approaches reality:
1“… they have ceased to be broadcasters, they have ceased to be, really, journalists, and they have become mouthpieces for the administration.” Take out the word “administration” and put “RNC” in its place and you’ve got Fox news.
Given all the really nasty people who claim to speak for God, I think it’s time He got on with some quality smiting. He can start with Cruz–either or both.
2As if he has an inside source with Jesus.
3What arrogance these hypocrites have!
I wouldn’t be surprised if daddy-o some day reveals that Jesus looked exactly like an 8 foot tall rabbit named Harvey who carried around with him a bottle of well aged calvados.
Just sayin’ . . .
4Strike Two! Ted, about your Canadian citizenship and now your dear pappy, the Dominionist who claims God wants you to be president, really? Maybe in Teabagistan, but here in the USA most of us are rather happy with the principles of separation of church and state.
Strike Three is coming. Maybe LynnN will get her wish.
5Have they read about Jesus at all? He was very liberal.
6Why is it that people who claim to know what Jesus wants, never base their revelations on anything Jesus might have said in the Bible?
“And now, let me introduce our panel to discuss Jesus and the Liberal Media. Joining us today are Rafael Cruz, and on satellite from the Holy Land, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Or pick up any copy of the New Testament to follow along.”
7You can be pretty sure you made up your version of God when he hates everybody you hate.
Since all the folks who said that God wanted them to be President had a sorry track record last time, I’m not too worried.
8Darn Juanita, I just ate.
9In Pagan stories the gods often toy with mortals for their own amusement.
In 2008, every time a different Republican said that “God wants me to run for President” I figured maybe that is what was going on.
It is sort of like when you pretend to throw the ball for your dog and he runs to the end of the yard to get it.
10Which one is crazier, Daddy Cruz or Sonny Cruz? Hard to say. I think that these two clowns are trying to out-crazy each other!
11OldMayfly –
The guy who pretends to throw a ball for his dog would be a perfect campaign ad. I can see the video now, the candidate is in his backyard faking out his loyal dog, and then the voice over:
“Can you really trust a man who would fool his own best friend? What do you think the campaign promises of a man like THAT are worth?”
12When the nuns kicked my cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, off the newspaper staff at our high school, Our Lady of Sadists, he decided to start his own: the Sadistic Times-Picayune. His penchant for exaggeration was legendary, like the time he asserted that 19 teachers were card-carrying members of the Fascist Party. It was really only one, Sister Mary Piccolo, who taught Latin wielding an actual fasces, instead of a ruler.
“I needed to make the point,” he would say. “The regular newspaper is too literal. In order to deliver truth, we have to use satire and irony and hyperbole. We must fight the literal media.”
Apparently, Rafael Cruz was nearby and, like any good Bundist, heard only what he wanted to hear.
The Sadistic Times-Picayune regrets the error.
13Kind of reminds me of my mother (RIP) when I was young. Often, if I did anything SHE disliked, she’d say, “God will punish you.” Other than that, she never talked about God. I figured out she was her own god(dess). I’m not a believer.
14Today at noon I was visiting with an old lady we see sometimes at Brick Oven. She turned out to be a Republican and insisted if I really wanted the news I should be watching Fox News. She and I agreed that we both agree that water is a nonpartisan issue and Texas is running out of it.
15Yo Rafael, Jr & Sr, ‘you tools for Jesus,’ Jesus just sent me a text message for you. He asks of you, “Please don’t help.” In conversation last week, He was saying worse than being crucified is being blamed for the words and actions of you fools. He’d be real appreciative, if you’d take responsibility for your own words & actions and quit blaming Him.
16It is obvious that these right-wing nuts have not read the Bible carefully. During Jesus’ lifetime there were two political parties…..the Sadducees (the liberals) and the Pharisees (the conservatives. If you read the four gospels you will discover that on numerous occasions Jesus condemns the attitudes and the practices of the Pharisees (conservatives). Never will you find any criticism of the Sadducees (liberals). So what does that tell you. Not only do the members of the Tea Party ignore reality but they twist everything to suit their agenda, eg Benghazi is their battle cry while they ignore the deaths caused by Bush and company during his eight years in office.
17daChipster; Love the stories of your cousin.
18Keep them coming.
“I’m pretty sure that Jesus pretty much adores Rachael Maddow.”
Yes. 😀
19Thanks, Richard. Right on. Unfortunately, not only have they not read the Bible “carefully,” I doubt most of them have read it at all.
And Rick — yeah, what is the deal here? Have none of these Xtians ever heard of the New Testament?
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